I got in a discussion with a coworker about what the secrets to a healthy, long relationship is (she's happily married for almost 15 years so I think she's probably a good resource for discussing something like this)... Hers? Making sure your partner is ultimately your best friend. Mine? A Sense of humor! If you're constantly serious about EVERYTHING in a relationship...it becomes stressful and you end up sweating the small stuff...it's much easier to laugh it off and make a joke when it's really not THAT big of a deal. I also think communication is important. What about you? What do you think is a secret to "making it work"?
I'd have to say your observatins are three-for-three right on the money, and I'd add a basic need to see your partner happy. You can do without almost anything else, but those are pretty fundamental.
ilike yours but the sence of humour can be carried too far..i was with 1 girl for about a year who wss constantly silly about everything & never once could be serius for a second & that got extremely annoying quickly id say just taking the time to understand eachother & acceptt eachother sharing interests helps & ofcourse u cant discount meanningfull & mutualy satisfying sex
Sometimes I think my partner feels that way about me. I think what is important to him isn't really THAT big of a deal to me (not really any specific examples, just in general, I guess)...and vice versa...of course, that's where communication comes in.
well it doesnt have to be ballanced interest as long as its shared interest but communication always is important, so is just paying attention being able to read them.. like knowing them well enough that when they give u a look u know what theyre thinking
I believe there is only one necessary ingredient. That both partners want it to work, and are willing to put forth the effort it takes to maintain a healthy relationship.
How do you make love stay? "Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.” -Tom Robbins
heh, I was about to say, communication... if you can't talk to your partner, can't communicate the important things to them, you haven't a snowballs chance in hell of it lasting.
I think the main one is working towards someone elses happiness above your own wants and desires. It is tricky though because they have to be doing the exact same thing. If it is only one person they are being taken avantage of, if it is both of you, welcome to a happy marriage.
DH & I were sent to a marriage conference when we were engaged. Secretly I think that the church was hoping it would open our eyes & make us realize we were too young to be engaged. Yeah, that didn't work. Anyway, there was the oldest sweetest lady there giving a talk to all of the engaged girls. She said that she & her husband (at the time married 60-some years) had 3 rules that they always followed: 1. Never go to bed angry - even if it means staying up all night to work things out 2. Don't have a television in the bedroom - keep the room a special place for you both, free of distractions 3. Always say I Love You when going out the door - even if you're just running to the mailbox I told DH about these, and we swore to keep these rules in our relationship as well. And so far we've been a couple for just short of 15 years, and married for coming up on 12. All three of these rules have one thing in common - keeping your relationship constantly in mind. This is what comes to my mind when I think of lasting relationships. love, mom
I think all of the above is wrapped up in the suggestion of making sure your partner is ultimately your best friend. I wouldn't count someone as my best friend if they didn't want me to be happy, and vice versa, of course. Best friends don't have this romatic ideal of being perfect soul mates (at least in my experience) -- they realize they will fight sometimes and need to communicate to work out those disputes. And who can you relax and have a sense of humor with if not your best friend? Well, I guess the healthy sex life, as mentioned by Soaring Eagle, is not necessarily a component of a best friend relationship! But, for me, a healthy sex life with my partner is a sign that all else is going well. If our sex life is lagging, it's usually a symptom of something else, like a lack of communication.
communiucate, communicate, communicate. that means...being honest. not be afraid to say youre hurting. not playing games...your partner is not supposed to be a mind reader! if youre upset because of something they said two days ago, or because they forgot your anniversary, or whatever...tell them directly: "two days ago you made a joke about my weight. i know it was meant in humour but it is something i am sensitive about and i ask you to respect that". instead of being in a huff and getting mad over little things and expecting them to be a mind reader! own your pain. it's yours - not theirs. love self. grow together...co-create. laugh together! be able to laugh at yourself. always, always be honest. i second that they should be your best friend. work on problems...hopefully before they get big. be flexible. listen...listen well and hear. don't act in anger. act from love. always try to see the bigger picture.
that pretty much sums it up for me because i think it includes all the other stuff said in this thread, plus liking and loving and having fun with your partner.
I got a BIG smile on my face when I read this! My mom always told me to never go to bed angry, and I passed on this advice to my fiance. It REALLY works. We hardly ever fight, but when we do, we really kept that in mind. Even if it meant staying up late and working things out even though we had class at 8 am! For us, honesty is the #1 priority. Its SO SO SO important. Also when you do get in an argument, take some time to STOP and think things out before you say them! if you don't, one of you will end up saying something you will regret or something you don't really mean. Patience is key. Also, let your lover know how beautiful you think they are. and let them know you appreciate them! These are the things that really stand out to me. My lover and I have been together for over a year now and he's my best friend, my partner, my future husband, my everything.
I agree a sense of humor and being light hearted is the most important thing. I also find relationships most fulfilling when my partner's friends become mine and vice-versa. Having a really intertwined connection with somone in a variety of aspects outside of just being alone together is really important to me. This guy I was went from being my obsession and me having to put my phone on the fridge to make myself wait for him to call me to me not being remotley interested because he wouldn't do any sort of physcial activity...he wouldn't hike, hated kayaking. I was suprised what a turn off him not being very active was.
I think good communication (honesty, respect, etc), the ability to listen and compromise, common interests and a good sense of humour seems to suit and my bf and I quite well, been together 3 years and still going
First remember, you are never going to change your mate, so if that's what you are hoping. Forget about it. I think you should also make time for yourself so you don't dissapear in the relationship and then become resentful. Also sometimes you just need to give in. Not everything needs to be argued to the death. Make sure you find lots of good things to LOVE about the person because sooner or later there will be a few things that will DRIVE YOU NUTS! Have lots of good sex. Even if you really aren't too into it once in a while, because the other person has needs to. Always hug before you go out the door and remember to let the little shit slide because life is way too short. Once in a while try to think about what life would be like without them, so you appreciate them more. Respect each other differences. Embrace your similarities.
I believe there are several important things to make a relationship last. Respect; never forget who your partner is as a feeling person Communication; don't let the little things fester Compromise; be willing to bend a little Honesty; little lies can quickly turn into monsters Loyalty; don't trash your partner behind thier back...you will soon believe the words you say Integrity; stand up for what you believe in and live by it....in other words practice what you preach. To me those are the biggies....except for one....you must like your partner. I am not going to say love because to me it is more important to like them for who they are and who they will be. Love can fade over time....I have found that people I like stay a part of my life for a very long time.
