Can you help me with my moral dilema?

Its a long story, im gunna try to cut right to the chase.

I currently have a girlfriend. We have been together for over a year now. I love her very much, but lately, things have just been rocky.
While I still love her very much, I dont feel the same about her.
Shes been depressed alot lately, and I think she is kinda unloading some of it on me.
Shes normaly a very wonderful person, but lately things have just, well... Sucked alot.
I could go on an on about stuff like this, but Im not.
I have really started to question whether or not I should pursue going out with her any more.

Do you think it would be fair of me, to go out, and go out on a few dates with a couple other girls, as long as I didnt do anything with them that would be considered cheating in the typical sense? (No kissing, no sex, etc.)
Im a very firm believer in being faithful and honest.
But I really think I should go out on some dates to get some perspective on what its like to be out with another person. But I dont want to do anything that would be unfair to my girlfriend.

Please vote, and leave feedback.
I honestly dont know what to do, im very confused and kinda depressed about the whole thing. Its been an emotional rollercoaster for me lately, and I just want to figure out what I should do, and stick to it, because I cant take much more of this.

Thanks.

 

Have you expressed these thoughts to her?

 

You know, I'm just flabbergasted by how casually people use these terms today like 'I love her very much' What the hell does that mean, anyway?

You 'love her very much', but when things aren't just picture perfect, you start thinking about going out with other girls. Wow, that's a whole lot of love, ain't it?

If you really 'loved her very much', you would be trying to solve whatever problems that you and she have, instead of going right to the idea of going out with other girls. So you want to experience what it's like to be with other women? Wowee. What if you marry this girl and promise to be with her for the rest of your life, through thick and thin, and then she gets a little 'depressed'-what are you gonna do then? Go out with other girls? Wow, that's so much love-I don't think I could handle it if I were her.

Look-evrybody's depressed. Welcome to the human race. And one of the reasons so many people are so damned depressed is because there's no fucking stability in anybody's lives anymore. Everybody's always telling each other that they love them, but they know deep down that all that bullshit really doesn't mean anything. Why? Because when the relationship gets a little rocky (which they all do at one point or another) then these same people that are constantly saying 'I love you' just get up and hit the road.

If you really 'love' her, then you don't want to be with anybody else, and you don't want her to be depressed or unhappy, either. Why don't you go to counseling, or do something else to find out what's at the root of your problems and do something about it? That's my two cents.

 

1 your leaving a depressed girl cause shes depressed & its bumming you out? have you tried asking why shes depressed have u tried cheering her up have u listened to her problems or have u just sat around pissed cause it interfered with ya playng vid games...how there are u for her in other words
secondly..no its not ok to date anyone else unless ya talk to her about it & say hey i'd like to try this just to meet new people...& whatever
but it sounds to me like your backing out on someomne u suposedly care about when she needs uthe most..cause its not as much fun..& thats lame..relationships arent always fun & sometimes take some work..szometimes alot
& they always take understanding..& i'm not seeing understanding here..i'm seeing poor me this isnt fun..so..can icheet alittle bit?
shes already feelin down how down do u want her to go?

 

Couldn't agree with you more. Well bloody said!

 

You really need to talk to her...if shes already depressed..whats it going to do to her if she finds out that you saw another girl..even if nothing happened? If you really love her...you will talk to her !!!

 

if shes depressed maby she juts needs your support and is going through a rough time? try to make her happy and give her your full support and reassure her..if its no go after 2-4 weeks.....then make your decision.

 

OR, she is tired of you but can't yet tell you she wants to move on.

 

I completely agree.

 

Listen, you are being a pussy... And not the good wet and slippery kind. I mean the chicken shit kind. You answered all of your own questions pertaining to your brain maulfunction(moral dilemma my ass) when you said you don't feel the same about her anymore. You shouldn't be with her anymore if that's the case you dildo. You really love her? Not if you don't feel the same about her as when you thought you "really loved her". I have a feeling you don't even know what you mean when you say that.

No wonder the girl is depressed... Whether or not you have said anything about the subject she probably senses that she loves a coward. And you are a coward... You want other girls, you aren't man enough to tough it out with the girl you supposedly love, but you are too fucking lame to go out on a limb and try something new. You would rather have a steady back-up plan, even is she is miserable, than take a risk. You are making that poor girl suffer, and for what? Because you lack the strength to do what right? You are a yellow bellied sissy assed prick. Grow up, and find a girl who is just as scandalous as you, and leave you current girl to start over agian with someone better.

 

I love it when emotionally immature people tell others to grow up. The guy asked for advice, not an emotion-led rant. If you were to grow up you wouldn't use bollocks sentiment like "love" as if it means anything to anyone other than the individual. Love is a label, it's just a word, much like any other. If you had any level of mental sophistication you might acknowledge that a bit more often.

 

Ack... I know. You're right Cerebus. I was coming back here to apologize for all the name calling and what not... And there you were to put me in my place. I did let my emotions get out of hand, and I'm sure I don't understand his(their, really) situation exactly. But... I do think it is is important for him to see just how upsetting and tumultuous the subject is. Especially for women. And that he is only seeing things from his persepective, much as I was only seeing from mine. This is what it looks like on the flipside of your situation Ninja... Anger and sadness, further negativity for your girl. My advice, trying my best to be above my anger, is to avoid all of that and tell her the truth, so you can both figure out what you really want. If you really care, honesty is the best route.

 

That's more like it..! And sorry to you for being patronising.. cos i am at times. No offense intended.

 

If you don't talk to her about what's going on, how is anything going to get fixed? Communication in a relationship is key. If things aren't going so well, you need to talk about WHY it's not. Have you been open to talking out things that are going on with her? If not...that's the root of your problem right there.

Going out and dating other people is not the answer...

If you talk to her and she says it's OK to see other people...more power to you. Otherwise, buck up and break it off with her if you're going to be a coward when it comes to communication.

 

yup..i'm guessing shes depressed cause ya dont communicate properly
not to mention when shes moody ya act all pissy cause your not having fun
relationships arent always gonna be all about fun, being involved emotionaly with someone can be very serius bussiness, & your actions affect theyre moods
your most likely adding to her depression if not the primarycause of it but it doesnt seem like ya care much about helping her through her depression instead ya just whine about how its no longer fun

welcome tothe real world..sometimes life is serius
sit down & have a serius talk with her
but do it sober

 

I was in a relationship before my current partner and this guy broke up with me because things in my life were very complicated and hard for "him" to deal with.

Well, you know what? I was better off without him...

And the OP's current gf is probably better off without him too...

But you know, that's just my opinion.

 

Here's the thing... you may not consider it cheating (ie no kissing) but most (and here I say most, not all, but most) women are more concerned with the emotional part of cheating/going astray than the actual physical parts. Going on dates with other women without getting the ok from her first smacks of cheating to me, even if it's purely on an emotional basis without ever going into the physical realm.

Hey, if she's cool with being open or potentially polyamorous, more power to you two. But talk it out with her. If you can't handle her being depressed then do the both of you a favour and break up. Being depressed and knowing that your partner can't deal with it sucks, but your partner cheating on you has to suck more.

 

No, I don't think it would be okay for you to go out on dates with other girls. That would be considered cheating anyway, regardless of kissing or sex. I think there's some stuff your leaving out. Not just that your lover girl is depressed but something happened where you just don't feel the same about her anymore and it gave you the idea that maybe you could question seeing other people. That or just haven't been in a lot of relationships to know what to do.

You should definitely be a man and sit down and talk to her about it. I don't think you love her, I think maybe you love a lot of things about her but don't really want to be with her anymore. It's common, it happens, but don't drag her down with you and hurt her all because your confused and don't know weather you want to see her anymore. If you do feel this way, then it's probably best to end the relationship before things get worse. It's not your fault that you feel this way, but it is your fault if you go out and cheat on her. Thats why you need to do the right thing and break up with her first.

 

i think you should discuss this with her first and if she agrees then go for it, let her do the same. however if she disagrees, either stick around and hope things get better or end it with her. i would personally just end it altogether

 

You're feeling 'overwhelmed', right? Maybe she's unloading some of it on you because she still thinks you feel the same. You can't keep someone you claim to love in the dark man, if you don't feel the same, its not right for you to hide this information. She's unloading on you because she thinks you love her and really wants your help and support. If she's depressed, talk to her about it, thats what she wants from you. Everyone has prety much hit the nail on the head here with their advice. Though the name calling was a bit much, you still need to own up to your responsibility in maintaining the relationship.

As far as the dating goes, MY morals say no. I consider it cheating. At the very least, let her know you are considering this. If you go out with other women, you open yourself up to the risk of being swayed by one, instead of trying to patch up the relationship that obviously was very dear to you at one point.

IF you even love her that is. I mean, yeah, if you can't stand by her, if your feelings change for her, just because things aren't going as you planned, I don't think you'll ever be ready to say you love someone. Because that's not what love is. Someone in love would do ANYTHING to try to stay with their lover. This includes talking through problems and overcoming any obstacles. You seem very hesitant to do this.

Bah, I've been drolling on and on! but do what's right by her man, talk to her, reflect on how you really feel, you really do have to communicate something. Sorry this post may not be as eloquent as others, but hey, you asked for opinions.