adivce on long distance relationships

Im in a temporarily long distance relationship, I have to wait 8 months for him to come back. And I was wondering if any of you have been in the situation, and how did it turn out? any advice?

thanks!

 

I haven't any advice to offer on the subject. It's cliche, but if the love's strong enough it'll work. 8months sucks for sure, but it's just a small part of your (hopefully) long life, who knows what it has in store for you; best wishes and hopefully cheered you up some.

 

Talk to each other every day. If you have a webcam, video chat is soooo much better than just chatting on the phone.

Be open and honest about your feelings -- that's more important now than it is when he's near you, where he can see all of your body language when you're upset or bummed out or something... At least, that's been the biggest challenge for me, since I'm used to my man being able to know when I need him to hold me without me having to tell him that I just had a really shitty day, you know...

 

I don't really have any advice. Be honest. Talk often. Don't lose sight of what you want. I'm in a long distance relationship now, and it's really difficult. But I think it helps us that we can talk about anything. Discuss anything. Honesty and trust are key.

 

I have to agree with dawn_sky. I've been in a long distance relationship and we talked to each other everyday on the phone, mailed letters to each other and talked online. Just make sure you say "I love you" and let him know how much he's missed, even if it feels corny. It works, right now I'm engaged with the love of my life and we started out as a long distance realtionship. That's all over because we moved in with each other just over a year ago. Long distance can work!

 

thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions. Im definitly going to keep them in mind and put them to good use. HungryJoe, Im really happy that you told me that youve been in this situation and it worked out. My biggest fear is of it not working out and since Ive heard so many negative things about long distance relationships Im really glad too have your positive story. thankyou!

 

Don't listen to any nay sayers. I know there were folks on here who gave mine a month (even though they had no clue of our story really)..that was in june. so don't let that shit get to you. I am dating my love still, in october, and see her in december 27-jan 15 in france and she sees me march 27. it takes being realistic, planning and finding creative ways to express your love, since tradional/typical expressions are impossible, obviously. as long as you both realize distance will be tough and discuss any possible issues and still want it after that talk, you will do it. just don't look at this relationship through rose colored glasses. address any possible road blocks.

 

a long distance relationship is a gamble, but then so is any other relationship. i think with long distance things trust is the main issue, so if yall really think you can pull through the next 8 months then you will

 

I know for me, the only time a long distance relationship has ever worked is when there is a light at the end of the tunnel where I know the relationship won't be of distance for long. If I lose sight of that, then I lose hope in the relationship and pretty much give up, no matter how much I might love someone.

I've had one that worked and two that failed miserably. The one that worked was only because it was clear that it wasn't going to be long distance for long. The two that failed appeared that they would always be long distance, so I wasn't able to give of myself the way I'm normally capable of in a relationship.

So, good luck and always keep an eye towards the light at the end of the tunnel and it might work out well for you

 

Why did he go away?

My fiance and I are currently doing the long distance thing. He was starting on his PhD when we met... I just started grad school in another state last year. (We dated for a year then lived together for a year before I left.)

Having the light at the end of the tunnel is definitely important. We will be back together in May. If I'm counting right, you'll be back with your man in June.

Also, visiting as much as possible is really good. Last year, we had a long weekend together in early Oct., were together for Thankgiving break (whole week off) and Winter break (close to a month)... Our spring breaks were different, so he visited me for his, and I went there for mine. Then we had a month together mid-May to mid-June. Then a week together in Aug before classes started. Then a long weekend together just last weekend...

And I'm rambling with too much info because I'm procrastinating on school work! But, those visits have made a huge difference. You're not doomed if you can't visit, but you'll be doing yourself a huge favor if you can scrape together the money for a visit as often as possible!

 

Long distance isn't a problem in itself. It's the isolation, the lack of constant reinforcement about the relationship that can really cause problems. I went through two long distance relationships that didn't work and now have one that's going great. The problem wasn't the distance... the first two unravelled because of other reasons, and the last is still going strong because of constant communication both directions.

 

Amen !!!

 

Well, I go up and down on this topic and right now I'm in a major down period. The fact is, long-distance relationships can be really horrible. Most of the time, you have no idea what the other person means-- sometimes you don't even know where you stand with them anymore.

 

I am now in a long-distance relationship with my fiance. I met him while he was at college near my hometown in Ohio, and I moved in with him and got used to living with him there, with me, always. Then I moved to Oregon for college, while he was stuck in Ohio.

Before I left, we found this place called Build A Bear where you could choose an stuffed animal, and they stuff it for you right there and can put all kinds of stuff in them, including voice chips. So we each got one and recorded ourselves saying "I love you." His voice chip is in my bear, and mine is in his cow. These are so great. I can hear his voice anytime, and hug it as if it were him. I strongly suggest trying to find one of these places.

Also, video chatting is a wonderful thing.

And focus on the fact that he'll be back, and it'll be wonderful, and your relationship will be even stronger for it.


Those have really helped us. I hope things work out for you, it totally can.

 

8 months isn't a long time! Good luck If you guys can get through this imagine how good things will be when it is not long distance anymore!!! See it as a test of fate

 

thanks everyone for your advice and your encouragement! there are a few people I would like to address personally:


Dawn_sky, you asked me why he went away. He left because when we met he had graduated from university and was planning to go back home, since his student visa expired. Once we met, he tried to stay, but it was impossible for him too get a job since he is not canadian. Also he needed to renew his passport back home and his family really wanted to see him. His plan now is too come back and complete his masters degree, but he must pay for that himself, which means that he must stay in his own country where he can work and make enough money to come back here.

there definitly is a light at the end of the tunnel as you say, and I wake up each morning knowing that I am one day closer to seeing him again. I know that if he wasnt comming back, I wouldnt bother tring to have a relationship with him. I wouldnt be able to handle that.

Im also in the process of getting my passport so that I can visit him. I have an entire month off school in december and since his dad is a pilot he gets free tickets all the time, so we are definitly planning on taking advantage of that!

Thankyou so much for your encouraging story.

maybejusthappy your bear story is very cute and it is such a good idea. The problem is is that he is already gone. Its been a month now. He did leave a few things behind for me which include his favorite hat and his lebanese flag. I wear the hat all the time and I have the flag hanging in my room too look at all the time. Plus I keep all the emails and have reconds of our converstations so that sometimes when I miss him I can read over them. I have tons of pictures of us aswell and Im planning on making a fun collage that I can look at aswell. Thankyou for telling me your story and congradulations on your engagement!!

dhs I think about when hes going to come back all the time, and when we visit eachother its going to be great because it will make the time seem less long. Thankyou, and I wont lose sight of that light.


Carlfloydfan addressing all possible road blocks is great advice and I will keep that in mind everytime. I am so honest and open with him and I try to be as clear as possible about everything and he does the same. I am always tring to reinvent my expressons of love for him and its fun and cute! Hes a peach and even more so now that hes gone. Thankyou for your advice and story!


Things are going very well and we are discussing marriage when he returns. I'm really happy with the honesty and trust in our relationship and I think that even though I miss him so much everyday, this long distance is doing really amazing things for us. Ive never had a relationship that is so trusting and honest and so serious.

 

it really really sucks right now bc he went to lebanon on the 18th and i havent talked to him since

 

The Husband of my Cousin is stationed in Anticartica for the austral Summer.

He will be back in April. The Paychecks get direct debited into her account tho.

This is his third trip there. They are married about 5 years.

Not a lot of trouble you could get into there.

 

Anticartica????

wow...

...really?

heh, why?