new moms and drugs

If she's an addict (and any woman looking for drugs at 9 months pregnant is an addict), one day she's going to mess up. She's either going to leave the baby ALONE while she goes to score, or she's going to come pick up the baby messed up.

It's not responsible to leave your baby with an overloaded anybody, especially at a needy month old. It's careless, doesn't show much love or appreciation for that little life, and isn't fit to raise a baby.

You're a good person, but you're letting bad judgement and careless people influence your obvious care and caution in thinking of this babe.

Drop the friends, drop the boyfriend, find a different place to live, maybe even a new job, pick up a hobby, take a class, talk to people in the laundrymat. You can find friends all over. You can make your life better. But keeping those people in your life is going to guarantee that you will start to sink to their level.

Call CPS and get out. Maybe your bold move might spark something in their drug-infested heads!

 

PS. I'm a "hippie", my husband's a "hippie", our friends are "hippies", but I don't know anyone into anything besides pot, shrooms, LSD, or excstacy....No one would even dare touch that stuff...

 

inquire to the horse's mouth. be interested, talk to her about her baby, ask her how her birth went, how nursing is going. seem shocked if she says she doesn't nurse, ask why, are their health reasons, get her to open up to you. be her friend, don't do drugs with her and tell her why you won't. be honest in your feelings about drugs and parenting. the two do not mix. one cannot be a drug user and a competent parent.

i've also been in your shoes, a 21 yo coke user. do youself a favor and quit while you're ahead. and kick the bf to the curb and find one that cares about children (the world's MOST IMPORTANT asset) if you hope to grow up to be a mother someday.

 

word, mama! nothing should go up the nose or in the vains!

I feel so bad for this baby! Hippyfreek has given good advice that I was going to say!

to the OP, if you're doing these hard drugs and plan on having a baby in the future you're leaving yourself prone to having a baby with mental retardation. just be careful.

 

I feel bad for babies in this situation. Bottom line, for most women getting pregnant won't "cure" their addictions. Wether it be smoking. drinking or coke. So (even though it pisses me off too) a lot of people who have these problems won't stop when they get pregnant. Thgis situtaion will drive you crazy if you let it. On one hand the mom has problems and maybe should not be raising a family right now on the other hand, sometimes the system can be way worse. Taking the baby from it's home and all that entails .DYFS can be a mess at times. Not that many hard-working good people don't try to help these kids. I think if you really think the baby is in jepoardy, then make an anonymous call but remember that alot can result. But even if you don't, you should think about getting away from your present situation. Being a hippie means sooo much more than drugs.

 

do something before it drives you crazy. even if its just as simple as staying away from her.

 

Then instead of doing anything right now maybe try to enquire (sp?) about her a little more the next few days subtly and see what you find out. Regardless of whether or not she's going home fucked up, a mother on crack is a scarry thing and this case should not be left alone. A crack head is not in the position to be a good parent and make good decisions for a baby.
I do kinda agree that you should try get outta the crowd you're with. It's not a good life. I know that doing that could piss off a shit load of people, but your life is going to go down the tube if you don't. I'm not trying to be preachy....the same thing just happened to my sister and she almost killed me and my daughter one day during one of her freakouts because she was on meth. Drugs do nasty ass things to people.
But yeah, definatelty keep your eye on this woman...descretely play detective and find some evidence to proove what you're saying. The annonymously (sp?) call CPS.

 

a mother using drugs is abusing her child. Period. either directly, by going home intoxicated, or indirectly, through neglect. Either way, the child is not being taken care of properly, an addict cannot be the mother any child deserves to have. Your "friends" don't care about this baby, and guess what? They don't care about you, either. All that matters is getting high. You will become just like them if you don't get out while you still can. They aren't the only cool people around, they just think they are. Find other friends, people who care about people. I've never known anyone I would call a hippie to do cocaine, but I've known an awful lot of poseurs who did, way back in my long ago past. Hippies are into peace and love, cocaine simply doesn't fit in that equation. I agree, call the authorities on this woman before her baby ends up really badly hurt, or worse, or your conscience will bother you the rest of your life.

 

That would be the question I would also be pondering if I were you. Freek, colorfulhippie, mamaboogie, lola, kristen ect have all given you good responses.

Attacking you isn't going to solve anything, but perhaps the way your freinds responded to something YOU see as very important may be a wake up call.

My dh and I had to drop a freind or two after we had kids. The main reason.....Coke. IMO, it does more damage to relationships and personalties than anything else I can think of, worse than Smack, IMO. I've seen good hearted, sweet people turn cold, uncaring and so self involved you would think there was nothing in the world except them, their money and their coke. None of them smoked crack, either. I've not seen this happen with weed, acid ect (although I don't recommend a new mama taking these either.)

Thing is, the few friends who got out in time, didn't realize the issues until they had left them far behind. At the moment, they "knew" something wasn't right, but didn't want to blame the Coke. Once out of the sphere of it, they realized they, too, were losing thier personalities and their self worth.

My dh and I have seen so many personality changes in people over the years with this stuff that we've taken to calling it "Instant Asshole." Take one human, add Coke......Instant Asshole. Gimme gimme gimme gimme. Sheesh. My dh's once best freind has battled Coke addiction for 25 years, (oddly, we have other freinds who have just walked away, some people can't, but he refuses to get any treatment) at one time had a great job, two new cars, a wife and 3 kids, a great step son....now he's living in a homeless shelter, and we only hear from him if he needs cash. We won't give him any anymore. But, 25 years ago, it all seemed so "hip." Two things changed me about him. One, he walked into a room where I was nursing my first baby, and started freebasing. I said, "My God, I'm feeding a newborn baby, here." He said, "Oh don't worry I won't look." My God, that was the least of my issues with that. He couldn't even see that I was upset that I didn't want my baby exposed to that stuff. Second chance, he was over, and I heard someone going through my drawers. I know my kids wouldn't do that, my dh doesn't either. I walk in and he's rummaging my drawers, "Cuz you got all those pills." (I have a chronic pain condition.) I told him to please get out and to tell Bear (my dh) why he was leaving as he left. HE LIED to Bear, saying he was going to "give Maggie some pills" Which made no sense to Bear, as mine only come from my doctor and Pharmacy, and I don't share them with people. It was almost a year later that we realized he had lied to Bear, he was no longer welcome at our home. A freind trying to steal from you, not cool. Luckily, he found nothing, but, he still attempts to stop over once in a while, when Bear isn't here. A few times I let him in, as he said he was on the road and had to use the can. I heard him opening my medicine cabienttte (I keep no drugs in there.) I yelled "NO DRUGS IN THERE, BOY." and he left. Now, he's at a shelter, after every family member has had enough of him.

I have plenty of freinds who simpy walked away from Coke, no "treatment" no drugs, no doctors ect. No one knows who can walk away and who can't until it come down to rock bottom. I still with our old "Friend" will straighten up, hey, a little weed, I can live with, but my guess is, we'll get a call from his brother or one of his sisters to invite us to the funeral not to far in the future.

Wow, that was long.

 

Damn, I hope that didn't sound like a "Partnership for DrugFree Amerika" comercial, because that isn't my style. My dh and I, and plenty of our friends have experiemented with just about every substance there is to play with, but, IMO, coke is the far end. Tried it twice, didn't see the appeal. Felt lucky I got no effect from it.

I don't know if there is ANYTHING you can do for this womyn with the baby. My guess is DCFS will do nothing, unless they did a Tox Screen on her at delivery and she tested positive. People often call DCFS and tell them "So and so is doing drugs, and her kids are in danger." Just to "get back" at people they don't like, so at least in the Chicago Area, unless you have proof of witnessing actual abuse or neglect, nothing will be done.

But, there is still hope for you. Ignore those who are jugding you (I think there was only one here) but think about the response your freinds gave about an issue YOU saw as very important. WHY did your freinds NOT see this as an issue?

THAT is the question to ask yourself.

Blessings and health,


Maggie