Married men & the women who lust for them

Imagine scenario: I dig a co-worker. I am trying so so much to repress my flirtatiousness, (to a point) Usually, I am physically attracted to a guy first, but then it always seems he has only a few common interests with me. But this man: we both dig the same music, he's confident, but speaks softly. He's strikingly handsome and we have the same humor. I want him. He's married.


Do married men like to know they're wanted, or is it just confusing? (not that I think something would happen between us.) If I were to, hypothetically speaking, leave my job, would it be out of line and irrelevant, and just plain self-centered to tell him that his wife is very lucky? What good could come of that?

I am trying to channel my sexual energy somewhere else, but I don't know how much more I can take.

 

Guys vary on this one. Speaking personally, even if a guy is taken, it's kinda nice to hear that some single lady thinks he's flirt-worthy. It may make no difference in the long run. It depends on how happy he is in his relationship and a whole raft of other factors.

But strictly addressing the second paragraph, who doesn't like to know they're wanted? The only ones who are afraid of compliments of that nature are a bit too insecure. As to whether or not you should say something to this particular guy... you're on the spot, and so ultimately it's up to you. Is he the kind who this could crated problems with, or is he likely to be cool with it?

 

You can't channel your libido elsewhere because you like the idea of men better than men themselves. Were he to make himself available to you, he wouldn't appear nearly as confident, humorous, interesting, or handsome.

 

I would get a hobby. Start painting or ballroom dancing or something. Anything to distract your mind from this dude.

Women who start off with a crush on a married man often begin to develop the delusion that they could be better for the man than the wife. Then they begin to flirt and persue the man.

Frankly, as a woman who's husband cheated on her with a coworker and said gal revealed to me that she openly sought after him knowing that he had a wife and kids...but she didn't care because "she wuved him"...I warn you to turn back now because if I had had the confidence then that I do now, she would have had her ass seriously kicked.

I wouldn't want to see you get hurt...emotional AND physically.

 

I bet he already knows that your thinking he's cool and good looking. We married men are probably more in tune with that stuff than you think. i love to flirt!!!

 

Yes yes, this is all good advice. I already know what a dangerous situation it could be to tell a married man that he is great to be around.

Fexurbis, I don't think I dig him just because he is unavailable. I have worked/gone to school with other married or engaged men I liked, but never felt this strongly before.

To cynical otter--> I do have hobbies. Several time-consuming hobbies. I'm not thinking of him constantly.

I just really wanted to know what the married guys thought about this out there. Even if you're married, I would bet that you like to know that chicks dig you, even if no action takes place.

 

Flirting with a co-worker is nice because its uasually safe, and offers a nice outlet or release for the ego without seeking something more dangerous.

Its nice to have an in-work friend because its less pressure to form anything deeper but still enjoy that companionship.

There is also a legit reason to talk and be involved with workfriends.
The Spouse should not feel threatened.

The constranits of the office social web should prevent anything from going to far.

Some of these relatinships can go on years after you have both left the job.

 

Does your company ever have social events, like an xmas party? If so, you could wait for the chance to speak with him and his wife -- tell her directly (right in front of him) how lucky she is to have such a wonderful man who talks about her often... Phrase it so that the fact that he is wonderful gets out there, but also so that it's clear that he is not out there flirting with co-workers. When a man talks about his partner regularly, that signals to me that he is letting the world know he is happily attached, not out there looking for something on the side...

Of course, if they are having problems or if she is an insecure person, that could cause problems... But it seems far safer to me than directing such comments (how lucky his wife is) to him.

Then again, if he hardly ever talks about his wife and is flirting back, perhaps his wife is not such a lucky woman, and in that situation I would suggest just staying out of it and away from him.

 

I would just want you to leave me alone. I don't need the temptation. If you put a thought in his mind and that would involve crushing his wife and family, it is wrong. Not only that it isn't the best idea to get involved, even flirting, with people you work with. A lot of ackward situations can come of it. Go out and find someone single you are attracted to and let him go home happy to be with his wife and kids.

 

I don't know. There was a gal who asked my boyfriend out from one of his job sites. It really made his day. Of course he told her that he was taken, but he was all excited about it. And later when he told me, he said she was not even attractive (I saw her she isn't so bad, but probably not his type) but I could still tell he liked the compliment.

I know I like it when guys dig me, even though I would never allow anything to happen. It is just nice ya know.

 

One thing when it's just some random person, someone you don't know to well, someone that doesn't know you're attached to someone else. I think it goes into a different area when it's someone you actually spend a fair amount of time with. A "friend" doesn't tell their married "friend" that they would be interested in them if it wasn't for that wife/husband they had. Ya know?

 

Dawn sky: this is great advice. I think this is the perfect solution. Yeah, I have no doubt that he is happy and I don't want to disrupt that.

I just thought he would appreciate knowing that that he is a gentleman all around, and that many people appreciate working with him. (I found out last night that half of the women I work with feel the same.) Anyway, thanks for the great solution.