Hi all Well I have had a tough time of late. I have had hyperemesis (very bad morning sickness) in hospital every 2-3 days and on a heap of drugs that are a class c in terms of safety for babies I was on allot of zofran, maxalon, and pherneragen I don’t know how to spell them. 4 weeks ago I went for my 12 week scan, I remember seeing the baby sucking on her foot and hands and having a big drink and then getting the hiccups. All nice until the radiologist came in and started looking and asking how far along I was and if I was sure. The next thing he is telling me their may be something wrong. This… “Exomphalos (omphalocele) is an abnormal hole in the abdominal wall that allows the intestines and other organs to protrude. The organs are covered by the abdominal membrane (peritoneum) instead of skin. Nobody told me very much about it until 4 days after I flew into Perth 400km from home I had to go to the specialist hospital for women and children. The Dr told me there is a 5-10% it was a small part of a bigger problem like a chromosome defect, if that was clear 1 out of 10 babies will die after 20 week or be stillborn. And if all went ok that the baby would be taken straight to the children’s hospital after birth and would need operations and would be in their for around a month depending on feeding problems. And I would have to go into the hospital in Perth about 2 times a month for anti natal checks. I all ready have a little 18 month old girl, we live far away from the hospital, we were worried about the babys future health and my sickness, were just some reasons as to why I should have a termination And so the torment begins I had the termination last on Thursday at 15 weeks I had my mum with me they induced me at 9am gave me some anti anxiety pills and said it could take 6-48 hours my daughter was breech so I had never felt contractions before. I was throwing up every 15 minutes and getting a needle in my arse every time I did, The contractions went on until the really kicked in at about 7pm when the waters broke every contraction I felt my baby dying and the fact that I was killing her I felt like I needed to push but I knew what was going to happen and was so scared I didn’t was to loose her until the pain was to much and I had to let her go. I had to go into theater later that night to have the placenta removed under a general. The midwives and every other bloody person that came in was telling me that I should see her I couldn’t bring my self to see her I didn’t want to remember my baby like that. I wanted to remember her like she was on the scan. They gave me photos and hand and foot prints. I knew I was going to have a termination a week before I did. I felt her kick for a week knowing she was going to die. I feel like I shouldn’t have done it, like im her mother I should of taken every risk and chance I had to. to save her I have never felt pain in my heart and sole like this before. I have all these after pains that I had with my daughter but no baby, and it’s a constant remainder of what I did and what we have lost.
Oh sweetheart...I am so, so very sorry. I know those words mean so little in a time like this, but I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts. Much love and healing...
Oh Erin. I'm so sorry. I don;t know what else to say. I know it was a huge decision to make and I know you're a good mom. I wish there was something I could do for you. Know that I'm thinking of you. If you need anything I can "virtually" give you, please don't hesitate to PM me. Take care of yourself, give yourself time to heal both physically and mentally, and please do not judge yourself. ((((((hugs for erin))))))))
i'm so sory for you, that's a terrible thing to have to go though...i have no idea what i could say...you're in my thoughts ~much love {hugs}
*hugs* I am so sorry. I remember your post a while back about the risks and the danger of the medication you were on...you were in a very scary place. I am really sorry for your pain. Like colorful said, do not judge yourself. Do let yourself grieve, but don't forget that you are a good mother. I know these words are pretty trivial right now, but the pain will ease with time if you allow it to. *hugs*
you let her spirit free to return in a better shell. That was an act of love, for her, for your girl who is here, and for yourself. make time to greive as if she'd been here on earth and in your arms. this is a loss of hopes and dreams as well as her body.
So sorry to hear about this. You are a very strong, and courageous woman for doing that. You should know that it was an act of love, and not anything else. You did what you felt in your heart was the right choice. The baby is in a safe place now, and she knows he mama loves her. Somethings in life are not fair at all, and I hope you and your family can get through this sad time. I wish you well , and you are in my thoughts.
oh sista! You did the right thing and never ever let anyone say that you did the wrong thing! heal yourself and take care of yourself and your baby girl! I'm sending you love! <hug>
Should I fall out of love, my fire in the light To chase a feather in the wind? Within the glow that weaves a cloak of delight There moves a thread that has no end For many hours and days that pass ever soon The tides have caused the flame to dim At last the arm is straight, the hand to the loom Is this to end or just begin? All of my love, all of my love Oh, all of my love to you now The cup is raised, the toast is made yet again One voice is clear above the din Proud Aryan one word, my will to sustain For me the cloth once more to spin All of my love, all of my love Oh, all of my love to you, child Yours is the cloth, mine is the hand that sews time His is the force that lies within Ours is the fire, all the warmth we can find He is a feather in the wind All of my love, all of my love It's all of my love to you
your words helped me allot i started making milk yesterday. and having real bad after pains plus the 4 day blues, i was/am a real mess. i wish i could stop feeling like this, i have no family or friends in this town no women to talk to. my partner is dealing with it his way and being strong for our daughter. i dont like putting pressure on him he doesnt take it well. i keep waking up at 2 in the morning and cant get back to sleep for the rest of the night.
one of my very good friends had that happen...she ended up having a divorce after finding out hers was caused from her husband smoking methenphetimenes while they concieved...she didnt know about him doin it...only diff was her baby boy didnt have a skull to protect his brain and they MADE her hold him...anyways babe im so so so sorry i know what its like i helped her through her time ...hugs
Sometimes, you have to let go far before you're ready. You shouldn't feel bad, shouldn't feel like a bad mother, or angry at yourself or anything else because of this. We all have our time to go, and hers came far too early. You could have risked it, taken the chances, sure. But what about your other babies? What if something had happened to you - what would your family do with a new (possibly quite sick) baby girl and no mommy, or a mommy that might be too unhealthy to breastfeed or even pick up her own children? I'm very sorry for your loss, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong, for yourself, your own health, and the rest of your family. <3
