my first poem that i ever made. pulled it out of my head and did little to no revising. id love to hear what you guys think, but dont be afraid to critique! We take our bodies unto the pyre, Forevermore searching for our inner fire. Never showing those who care, Our lust to show them what we dare. With our every action we scream defiance, To the authority to whom we show no alliance. We show all how our souls burns bright, Singing our faith into the night. We are different, we are brave, Adventure and danger are things we crave. Without thought for life or limb, We dive into thin air with hopes to swim. In your mind I can see a question Who are these people with so much affection We are the people who stare into the stars, Disciples of adrenaline are who we are.
Pretty good for a first poem! My first ones all sucked terribly (and many still do, haha), so you're a step ahead in the game. The main suggestion I have is to refine the rhythm so it's more even. Also, you say you're never showing the ones who care what you dare, but then in the next stanza say you show all how bright your soul shines. It seems a bit inconsistent.
