Do other people have trouble turning people down? There was this GSA (gay straight alliance) convention thing at my school's library about three weeks ago, where a bunch of GSA's from other schools met and just talked about what we were planning to do this year. It was pretty cool. There was this guy there who I thought was pretty cute. (I had a boyfriend at the time, so that was bad.) We flirted a little bit, and later that night, after I went home, he called me and asked me out, and I turned him down because I was going out with Andy at the time.... ...but now I'm single. However, I still don't want to go out with him, because he's proven to be quite stalkerish and clingy and weird. I've met the guy once, talked with him on the phone a couple times, and talked to him a bunch online. A couple days ago, we were talking online and he said "I miss you." What the hell? And he's always complimenting me and stuff and I feel terribly flattered and I compliment him back because I want to be nice too, but it's just annoying because I don't want him to think that I like him back. Any suggestions? Haha you don't have to read my long rambly post. But anyway, does anyone else have problems turning people down?
Yes....but, I try to be nice and not hurt the persons feelings...and drop hints that im not interested at that time.
just tell them you're not interested. it's easier than beating around the bush...it's not easy, but at least you won't have to talk to him if you're not interested.
yeah the more wishy washy ya are, the more bullshit youre causing for yourself. ya cant complain about him being annoying if youre leading him on, or not letting him know how you feel.
I agree, you should say it in a tactful and non-hurting (such a word ?) way that you aren't interested in him. somethng like "your a nice guy and all and I hope we can still be friends, but I'm not interested in dating/seeing/having a releationship with you." bob
i think you shold just be honest with the guy. tell him but dont forget to be inconsiderate of his feelings. try to avoid being harsh if possible.
There was a dude my brother (he's gay too) set me up with. I know my brother really talked me up. And we did have a lot in common. And we had a good time; but he was giddy and squirmy and I suppose he really liked me and he wouldn't stop talking and saying how cool it was like we had been dating for a year. It freaked me out. He called me that night and left a 'good night message' and called and left a message again the next day. It was a bit too much, but I decided to give him another chance, my brother said he wasn't really like that. But mostly I was thinking: thank god it's you acting all weird this time instead of me. The next date was with a group of my friends. When he talked to other people he was cool but when ever I asked him a question his voice got higher and he'd chatter like a two year old. My friends were like, oh he likes you are you going to see him again? I just couldn't. And I told him that right away. Well, I did wait for him to call. I wanted to be honest, even though I don't believe I have to say why I don't want to see someone again. It was hard, but I prepared what I was going to say. I didn't say 'you're a really nice guy", he was. I told him we had alot in common. I did like him so I felt like I could say that he tried too hard and it made me uncomfortable and even though I didn't have to tell him that I decided after the second date I wasn't prepared to go out with him again. No friendship, no promises. I just wasn't prepare to go there with him. When I told him why, I know that had to hurt. But kept reminding myself I was doing him a favor. I saw him years later. He was managing one of my favorite stores. He looked so handsome with a little grey in his hair and a tan, he just got back from Italy. Somehow he had become calm and collected and a damn lovely man. I didn't kick myself -too hard.
I'll throw this out there.... and maybe some of the GLBT community may actually hear this and take it to heart.... Psssssttt..... you can like someone, hang out with them, have good times with them, etc...... and NOT fuck them / date them / whatever.... You can just be friends.... And being friendly and sociable is not flirting. Friends are so much more valuable than fucks - a point which sometimes seems to escape us sexual deviants.... You don't necessarily have to shoo someone off because they want to fuck you.... you can just be friendly. Now, if they start putting their hands on your ass... well, then you can be a bit more assertive and say quite plainly, "Sorry, I'm not interested..."
Yes....but when its apparant that they are staying around and wanting you instead of looking elsewhere for a love interest..its only kind to let them off the hook so they can find that someone special. Sure...no one is saying you cant remaine friends..but , you cant let someone think they have a chance at being your lover when they really dont..thats cruel !!
I totally agree with you here, and I'm really confused, because I'm just being friendly to this guy, but he's acting as if everything I say is reciprocated flirting. I mean I don't mind being friends with him, but it's just he and I seem to have different definitions of the word "friend."
Good point, of course. But, if that person is clearly not in control of their emotions, you aren't going to be able to help them by being "friends," because they will never feel comfortable around you until they "get over" you. That usually takes distance and time. amp7325, how about asking him to define what being a friend means to him?
