If I'm ready for a relationship again, if I'm in the mood for one. I mean, I like having a companion and regular sex (not there yet, but eventually), but a boyfriend? A real relationship? Maybe I'm just feeling a little panicky, we declared bf/gf-ness on the second date. And I'm used to being on the prowl, if you will. My last two bf's were polyamorous so looking at others was normal, hell, encouraged by one of 'em. Extra bad that these feelings of uncertainty are only appearing after I start dating someone, not before. I don't want to hurt him or break his heart, but I'm really nervous and antsy feeling about this relationship now. I don't fantasize about him when I masturbate but I do look forward to seeing him again. I feel like we're already so serious, moving so fast emotionally (or at least he is) that it's a little terrifying. Ok, more than a little. Add to that the fact that he's new to a lot of things relationship-related (one gf who didn't like kissing openmouthed) and the fact that I'm pretty freaking submsisve and you've got a recipe for disaster. Ok, not disaster by necessity, but I don't want to play teacher to him, don't want ot be a director or in a position of authority. Rawr. Any thoughts?
hmmm yea ok, ive had relationships that started even faster..as in livin together within days and worked great..for awhile but it seems like ya got more then a few issues that can seriusly stress ya out, for 1 being submissive and tryin to guide someone whos sexuality and relatiionship experience is already somewhat stunted, just seems like ya got your hands full and probly wont be the best combo for making things work i also feel like your idea of the perfect relationship maybe alittle different from the average? would that be safe to say? i have a feeling that ya could possibly have a few months together peacefuly, but once things went bad theyd become volotile, and...scarily obsessive thats just a feeling however based on very little info, and perhaps influenced by not having my coffee yet if your questioning the relationship already, and ya know there can be soime heavy issues, maybe the best thing is to just try to slow down some..not get so heavy so quickly..and make himunderstand its not like you pulling away to seperate yourself from him, but a sligfht backing off, not only for you, but to protect him as well. i'll be more clear headed after i get coffeee soi'll check back in a bit hugs
You're used to being single, but you want the whole sense of "belonging"... the stability of the relationship. The problem is that you want the excitement as well, and stability doesn't lend to excitement. You basically know what is going on... just read what you wrote back to yourself. Too fast, too quick, too dependent, little sexual chemistry... sounds like you have a good potential friend but not necessarily a boyfriend. You've got to have those butterflies when you're going to meet him... at least for the first week or three. You know what the situation is... you just need to admit it to yourself.
A little different from average just in teh bedroom... I still conside rmyself an equal outside of the bedroom, just, y'know, not terribly aggressive or domineering partiularly as applies to the bedroom. I'm not crazy submissive, dont' want a 24/7 lifestyle or anything, just som eplay along those lines. Doesn't have to be every time either, just a decent amount. volatile and scary obsessive? Ive never been in a relationship like that, but I suppose theres a first time for everything. I dont want to hurt him though. And thisll be the second time in a row that afer the second date Im all antsy and unsure. The last guy I told I wanted to just be friends with and now hes stopped talking to me. I want to give this guy more o fa chance than that, he deserves it thats for sure. Im just not sure about everything. I think im going to talk over boundaries with him, hes not a jealous person by nature either (neither of us are) so maybe we could rule that kissing others doesnt construe cheating or something. I do need to talk it over with him though, its not fair to not let him know whats going on. Were seeing each other tomorrow thankfully.
the volotile obsessive statement just feels to me like well, your more into a fun enjoyabe and playful sorta reltionship and hes more intothe lets get serius fast and start planning out our lives together and if your not careful the combo could errupt, feelins get hurt andya can get altta blame for ruining that plan..even tho the plan was all in hishead could be wrong tho but i certainly get the impression that at least slowing down, is the safer gentler way to discover for yourself just where it might lead you im not sayin jump back to just freinds bit just be wearry of the 3rd date marriage proposal
I think you need to slow things down, too. Talkto him and tell him how you're feeling and that you want to take things slow and get to know each other than rushing into things soooooo quickly, especially seeing as you're used to being single.
i guess you need to teach him everything you know , you must make him a man , aggressive man , so that you both enjoy your love life .
Well, I think Im going to break up with him this week. I shoudl feel super giddy and stuff at the thoguht of seeing him and im not. He says theses weet things tlike when hes sick he thinks of cuddling with me and it makes him feel better, that should make me melt but instead it makes me want to run. Not a godo sign. So, next time I see himf ace to face, Im gonnna call off us dating. Its only been like a week, but I dont want ot lead him on, dont want him to become more emotionally involved than it feels like he is. Ive never had this before, where it felt like someonw as so mcuh more into me than i was into them, its really disconcerting, kind of freaking me out too. Hes a sweet guy, just, not the rigth guy for me. No sexual chemistry and I feel like Im gonna break his heart.
Allonym If what you are seeking in the bedroom is a man that can dominate you on your terms, I would suggest finding a man that is into dominating. Even if you find someone into it you would still have to teach him what you do and don't like. In relationships where sex is involved the only way to ensure you satisfaction is to talk to your partner. If you just expect them to know what gets you off you are setting up yourself for disappointment. Having someone more into you than you are them will happen. I have had several male friends that have fallen in love with me, and it ended the friendship. It hurts like hell, but how can you stop someone from falling in love with you? I don't think you can.
I'm going to fall back on an old truism for me... it's the ones who settle for who later have the reason to regret. Hold out for what you're looking for, because it's the ones you say, "Well, he's really not that bad," that end up being the train wrecks because it's easy to call things off with an asshole, but not with the one who just doesn't quite make you happy. Those are the killers.
