Seeking Advice (merged with) transexual lesbians

I dunno they're probably the healthiest fast food place around here ^^;...they're under 6 grams of fat for sandwhiches, dunno the full nutritional details.

 

My family isn't the most tolerant, so I decided I just wouldn't tell them about me wanting to get surgery. Then I thought about how I plan on being with another girl after it so they'd probably be more accepting of that.

Then realized their response would be "Why the **** are you getting the surgery then?"

 

Can I know what state you are in.

I am the former director of
the Lexington, Ky Diversity in Gender Alliance.
There are support groups in almost every state, I can safely say this being from one of those state you hear of having diversity and set back, scratch your head in amazement.
Let me tell you a bit about myself.
I am 33 years old, and have lived
"full time" meaning as a woman, for over 17 years.
I started as one dose, dressing at home full time when I was 15. long story shot- my parents divorced when I was 13 and by 15 I was pretty much living alone. I got a job at Hardee's just before I turned 16, giving me a sence of being responcable for my self, no one to answer to but me. So I started living outside my house. I wanted SRS, boy did I. I wanted to be able to strut up town in a tiny tank top braless. LOL sounds so silly to me now. I didn't see any other life outside the shithole town I grew up in.
The more that life in general cost, the less savings I ever could emass. However I decided I felt more comfortable dressing as a woman, I could present myself to the world more openly and freely only as a woman. All along I was depressed! DEPRESSED!!!
I mean my life was so turbulent, my parents had never really wanted me. My little brother teased and beat me for a while. My parents were so sheltering I knew nothing of the world. I had no idea that "after work" people stayed in town, much less "went out".
We all, encluding my parents went to bed at 9:30.
So ok where was I, 16 out in the world for the first time with no retreets. Living on my $85.00 weekly paycheck. Plane ol depressed.

This happens to the best of us hun. For many reasons. Some that trans, mourn the loss of there "male" self. We all get the harsh ugly REAL truth, IT IS A LONELY LIFE. No one can truely understand what is so obvious to you.
I am sure you see this is not going to be an easy road. I have myself had to face the " do this or die" I had to present myself this way to the world or I would end my life, for the stress of the desire was far greater than any of life's stress I have face sence.

I am on medication for my depression, the happiest of us are! LOL It is much easier to do things that truely bring you joy if you don't have the weight of depreson holding you down. I have a wondrful doctor, very knowligable.
Also I am going to give you a bit of "heads up" knowlage. You have to live "full time" for a while before you can be a canadate for SRS.

I hope this has helped you in some way.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LexDGA

 

It's a pretty common problem of T-People. We have various individual reason but I know in my case & a few other T-People it came from the attempt to live in the wrong gender. Again, in my case I went to great means to prove to others & myself that I was male. Also a lot of energy was put forth to attempt to hide the fact that I was feeling female. I have a dear friend who is just opposite me, he started female & now female. Common terms for us would refer to me as M'S him as F2M. We both share being miserable before transition & being much more healthy & happy after starting & increasing improvement as time goes on.

Before getting surgery a reputable surgeon will receive two letters recommending SRS from mental health professionals. A reputable mental health professional will follow what is called The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association's Standards of Care for Gender Identity Disorder. A big part of that is to be under their care for at least 3 months showing the desire to live as the other gender from which you were born. After that time the therapist will refer you to hormones. In my case it was nearly a year but that was because of the depression that I needed to get dealt with before she would let me. I was quite a mess but I had other issues than just being transgendered, even if some of them were related in ancillary terms.

One of the Harry Benjamins require you to be over 18 for SRS but could have HRT at 16.

A real good place to look is The World Professional Association For Transgender Health, Inc.

I have looked at a lot of webpages many of them quite good. Some are worthless a quick rule of thumb... When googling the ones that say he-she are most likely porn sites & not worth it in my opinion. I also strongly suggest for especially for M2F that they read She's Not There.
It's a good look into the life of Jenny Finney Boylan's life as she went through transition. Your reference points will be a little different since Jenny is already middle age & a professor but I think it valid none the less. There are quite a few more but that was an excellent book. I also suggest Leslie Fienberg's works.

Your first step is to get a therapist. Start there & get your depression under control. Get one that deals with gender different people. It will save you time & possible anguish.

If you have any questions please send me a PM. I'll be happy to answer any that I can.

Good luck & keep your head up.

 

Good luck with it all, once you start it'll be a few years.

You'll likely need to save up and use insurance help, both to get hormone therapy and eventual surgery.

I'd strongly suggest against considering any of that government funding for the day care to be used in paying for it, if it's a grant or otherwise being given directly for the use of the day care facility then using it for personal health treatments will likely fall under fraud on both you and your parents' part. That's not a mess you want.

Getting the ball rolling a.s.a.p. is good regardless of monetary concerns as you can start research into information and support groups, start proceedings with your medical and psychiatric doctors, start the required time living as a female pre-surgery, etc and pay for the things insurance won't cover as time goes by and as they come up.

Wish you luck in working things out!

 

Well I don't know the entire deal with the funding. Though apparently it's not specifcally to be used on the day care center from what I heard. In any case, I know some jobs I can get to help pay for it but. As for living "full time" for a while before the SRS... would I be able to get the facial feminization surgery for that? I couldn't be a crossdresser, nothing against them, just I don't want to do that and it'd be stressful.

 

I'm thinking once I get my drivers liscense(couple years late getting it since I'm 17 1/2) I get it in a month, I'll see about a therapist. And oh I live in Texas. Though about the therapist, I tried but my parents tried to make me forget about seeing a therapist since "it'll show up on my record" for future law things that'll hurt me.

 

The problem with getting better from depression, and as suggested exercise to feel better and such(which did work)...is I'm at the point I don't really care about getting better or want it to stop. Guess it's a lack of motivation and reason to do so.

 

Among the t-people I know I'm a minority.

In my support group the majority are either now effectively lesbians or have gone from being gay to effectively hetero.

One of the other T-Girls in our group is bi. Although she mostly is attracted to females.

The T-guys I know have gone from being lesbians to hetero.

 

do you think its rare to find a F to M gay man?
S

 

Yurifangirl -- I would really like to talk to you. Could you PM me?

My advice is this, because I'd say i'm about in the same situation, but at 20 years of age. Let me first say that SRS is not the beginning or the end of any of your struggles. My starting point, and I suggest it, is doing your best to pass as a female in public. SRS changes a very minor part of your body when you consider that it won't make you more or less likely to be viewed or treated as a female by others. Passing on the other hand has the advantage of allowing you to go out and really BE a female. It's a great feeling.

As far as money, being a female is expensive enough if you want to be the averag girly girl, but as a transsexual you will at first face the expenses of hormones and probably hair removal (some hormones continue after SRS as well). Each of these subjects requires extensive research and I'd also suggest finding people that know about it or are doing it themselves to give you some pointers along the way.

Don't take the "surgery or not?" problem into consideration until you are certain about who you are to the point of living and being a female. That way, if you try it and realize it's not for you, it's okay. Plus, SRS is not an immediate thing, the sands of time only affect you in regards to hormones and how your body is developing. There are ways to get these pills without a therapist, but most people seem to suggest seeing one. I personally get mine illegally... I hate the medical community!

Keep in touch.