I am getting so sick and tired of how self critical I am, that it's ridiculous. Everything I do, it's never fucking good enough, and this is exactly why I am always so worried about what other people think: because if I don't approve of myself, who the fuck else is going to? If I am not meeting my incredibly high expectations of myself, I close off so that nobody else can see how much I'm failing. It's ruining my fucking life, and I don't know how to get out of it. I write, I paint...and that's just another thing for me to grade myself on. I realize that those things are just forms of expression and it doesn't really matter all that much what the finished product is, as long as I came out feeling better; yet I can't seem to stop myself from looking at it again, and thinking "What a moron, you could have done better" Yeah, there's a lot more to it, but... whatever. This thread is really kind of pointless, I just need to vent
having some ideal or standard that youve cooked up and holding your real life against it .....i think thats a game almost everybody would loose . and if you did win yould probly have given up on being human and forfited any joy that might have fallen into yer life . your very young now , and in what seems a blink of an eye youll be old like me . everything youve thought or done will be of no signifigance in a thousand years . all you can leave is kind rippeles on the pond or worse mean ones .....we are here in theese sensual incarnations to experience the world through nerves bones n skin with blood pumping through them ......yea people do seem to do things in their short pathetic lives but in the end what matters is experiencing being alive .....so if you go about not measuring your adhearanct to thing you made up , and just rush on out to meet life and feel things .....then you may get more than false sense of dissapointment ouy of it ..................good luck .......
This is a great idea for a thread. A thread based on life rantings, just vent on how fed up you are on how your life is going and all of your problems you face daily. Good idea.
My rant: Too many tests at the same time! Stress out the ass. Sometimes, college life can be overwhelming. Peace and love
I can relate in many ways. I too am horribly critical of myself. At times, I can honestly say that I've looked at myself and had so much hatred towards myself...sad, but very true. So I understand where you're coming from. I know you also have an eating disorder...I wonder if the whole extremely critical thing is part of the whole poor self image that is tied into that? I don't know, just thinking I guess. I've struggled with the whole eating disorder/poor self image since I was 9 years old, and I've always been extremely hard on myself. {{{Hugs}}}
i know...youve been sayin that alot maybe its tome to just not critisize yourself in any way but just accept yourself your a wonderful person you know good enough acording to who? why is it you have to be everything do everything perfect..why isnt it just good enough to just be you it is you know...you know. you dont gotta struggle to be perfect because you just are good...your a good person..nobody expects more..except maybe parents..& if theyre disaprovals hurtin ya ..let em be disapointed..just be happy being whoyou are and enjoying what u do and stop critisisng everything ya do..except maybe how good it made u feel to do it do you expect to be 1st to leave the galaxy? why do you judge every accomplishment as a defeat set the bar just out of reach your only failing bedause u think you are..not recognising or accepting that u can ever be good enough but your better then u know....i know it..lotta pplhere do too.. u kno u r..u just cant accept it.. dont let it,,stop questioning and critisising everything..just do and be..enjoy doing and being...if the question arises is this good enough..the answers always who the hell cares it feels right....understand? again, if u gotta grade..which u dont...only grade on how it felt to do better? different..but would different have nesacarily been better? you can always go back look at anything any (wo)man or mankind has done and seen ways it coulda been done better, but if it was good that it was done isnt that what matters? theres always alot more..so go on an vent..this threads got a point and lotta ppl need a place to vent
its absolutely connected in fact its 1 in the same thing, being overly criticle of everything, judging everything against false standards never feeling good enough in any way.. it all goes back tto expecting perfection..alotta it goes back to families who just expect too much perfection, and are overly criticle
Apples & Oranges, Sorry I didn't post a reply to yours. I totally understand what you mean, when you say that nothing that you do is "good" enough. I have felt that way most of my life and still do to some extent. I used to get upset when my grades didn't meet my high standards, and even when I won academic awards in most of my classes, that didn't satisfy the craving for even BETTER grades. I thought "I should be #1 in my class, #2 isn't good enough." Which that attitude is not healthy. That is the first step, recognizing that what you are doing is not healthy. It doesn't get much easier from there and I wish I had a simple 10 step program for you to get over being self critical, but I don't. One thing that has helped me, surprisingly, is Buddhism. Buddhism isn't based on the ideas of "good" or "bad" rather, it is based on what is helpful or what is hurtful. So when I start to beat myself up, I think to myself, "Self, is this helping or hurting me?" Then I go from there. I'm not trying to push my religion on anyone; Buddhism is more of a philosophy to live your life by if IT HELPS YOU. If it doesn't, then ignore it. Personally, I feel that some of the Buddhist teachings can be helpful in mental disorders, not for the sake of religion, but because some of the philosophies do good things for people. Sorry if this post is too long & philosophy-oriented. That's just something that helps me feel better when I'm self-critical. Remember, it's the journey that counts, not the destination. Peace and love
Thanks everyone, as always. Soaringeagle, you are always so nice to me, and ready to offer suggestions and I really appreciate that so thank you. And hippiechick, thanks for the encouragement and the suggestions, too. I'm not interested in Buddhism, but I understand what you're saying, and why that might have helped. I can adopt some of those ideas, without actually going buddhist, really. And they make sense. I suppose once you ask yourself enough times, what is hurting you, and what isnt, you start to really learn how to get over punishing yourself so much; makes total sense. I do this a lot, but the biggest problem is finding out how I can stop hurting myself; It's like these thought patterns are so engrained into my head, that I'm not really sure how to get out of it; I know I have to, and I know exactly where I want to be... it's just a matter of getting there, and how I'm going to do it. I am really good at knowing what is good for me and what isn't, I reflect often; I just have a difficult time avoiding those negative things, thoughts, really... They cut really deep, and they are hard to ignore. It hurts twice as much coming from yourself, than coming from someone else. Hippychickmommy, we always seem to relate a lot, and while I don't want anyone to feel the way I do at times, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one...does that make sense? I dont want that to come off as selfish, because you know I wish you the best. And yes, I know its related to my eating disorder... I'd like to get more elaborate why and how it connects, with me personally, but I just havent the energy to do that right now.
i want to add that, another thing that aggravates me, especially in relation to this is that, all of my friends and family think I offer great advice, and I always feel like I can, too; but I can never take my own damn advice. I know that's pretty normal, but it's just irritating. But, I can say.... giving advice and helping people...that's never something I criticize myself for, I always feel good about it. So I guess that's a start right? It is the one thing that makes me feel accomplished and fufilled which is why I am choosing to go to school for psychology next year. That is one career, that I know I can feel good about myself in doing.
that is definately a good choice for you, you cant always avoud the negative, life cant always be 100% possitive, but instead of dwelling on the lil bit not goin right..recognize all that is good, ans accept the bad as just part of lifes challenges and in now way a personal shortcomming loving you hugs
Apples & Oranges, You say that you have engrained negative thoughts. The first step is recognizing these thoughts and thinking "This is a negative thought." I think with almost every problem, the first step is recognizing the problem. You have done that right now, but you must do it everytime you have negative thoughts. For example, right now I'm trying to quit smoking (again!) and every time I want a smoke, I think, "That is addiction talking, not you. You want to quit smoking and you can quit." That doesn't mean that I don't take a couple drags from a cancer stick, but I sure as hell don't smoke a pack a day, maybe I smoke 1 cig per day. Habits (smoking, negative thinking, eating disorders) are hard to break, especially once they are learned. Maybe when you catch yourself getting down on yourself think something like, "This is a negative thought, the thought is not me. I am a wonderful, intelligent person." Find something that has meaning to you. Have you tried mantras? As amazing as it sounds, they do work. You can make up any mantra you want "I am a wonderful smart woman" if you feel stupid or "I eat to maintain a healthy weight. I am healthy." for eating disorders. Say your special phrase everyday and within 21 days, it will have an impact on your thought pattern. That's how I quit smoking the last time. I said, "I won't quit smoking today, I probably won't quit smoking tomorrow, but when I am ready, I will quit." I quit smoking cold turkey within two weeks of first starting that and I am trying that mantra again. Hope you find something in here that will help, even in the tiniest bit. (Hugs!) Peace and Love
like for instance, my typing..i type 1 finger..real fast..on a keyboard with most of the keys blank or nearly blank.. and a space bar that doesnt always work....i make alotta mistakes especialy late at night, and go back and maybe correct a few like keybosard to keyboard.but leave a few too, if i took the time to think over every thing i say would i say 1/2 of what i do? hurting yourself is when your striving to be too good you second guess everything till the point your afraid you will never call anything good enough should i post this have i said a;ll imean to say in the best way possinble have i fixed every type, do i sound dumb what if they judge me on everything i say and makeme feel worse.. how can you say anything with so much going on in your head? when u do something and its done..fix a couple odvios mistakes and dont worry bout em all..when u can look at a creation and say eh.. not perfect but good enogh...you'll be able to beat it
