What makes you feel good about being gay?

I was thinking of making this a poll, but then I couldn't come up with any choices.

I was one of those people who realized he was gay well before puberty. I was a curious child who did a lot of reading about sex and every other topic under the sun and discovered that there was a word for it (homosexuality). I was excited and relieved to know that there were other people like me out there.

I also read about how badly gay people are treated and figured it was best to keep my sexuality under wraps. I didn't feel like being gay was a bad thing, but something that could be very inconvenient and too easily misunderstood. I was eager to meet other gay men.

However, it was probably unavoidable that I would be disappointed when I finally got to meet real live gay men. They didn't seem quite so excited and happy to meet me. As time passed, meeting gay men wasn't so much of a novelty. The big problem was that we didn't have anything else in common very often at all.

There was also the problem of gay men who have the idea that there is only one proper way to be gay--their way. You had to have the right look, the right politics, the right clothes, you had to drink a lot, you had to use drugs, etc., etc., etc.

As a result of a number of such experiences over the years, I have to admit that I don't feel so good about being gay. Several years ago I went through an ex-gay organization but it didn't work.

Meeting gay men is an excruciating experience for me; it's sheer torture to chat someone up. The bar scene around here is severely limited, and the local gay organization is clannish and unpleasant. Is there some sort of trick to this?

 

This is one of the more real posts I've seen on this forum.

 

You just have the worst luck with meeting gay guys...bad examples, all these ones you speak of.

I feel good that it was a big catalyst in making me truly open-minded...I guess I might've considered myself open-minded and accepting before I knew I was gay, but once I did know and accept it, I began to truly accept other "ways of life" (sexuality and beyond, that is), and evaluate my own personal beliefs on controversial topics, ignoring what everyone else says.

 

(SHIVERS) I'm sorry that you had to go through that crap. Those people do more damage than good. They shouldn't be allowed to do what they do. It's wrong to make a person go against their natural feelings to fit in other people's standards for life.

I had a similar childhood with the exception that I have never dated. And I'm a Christian, so it's a double-whammy. I grew up in a half Liberal, half Fundiementalist household. I also knew from an early age that I was gay, but didn't have a word for it until I was 8. And I had my first sexual experience at 8. I was fine with being gay until I turned 11 and got the idea into my head that being gay was wrong according to the church. It took me a few years to reverse that thought.

Conservative Christians tend to believe that being gay is a sin, which I disagree with most strongly. And it's very difficult to live as a gay Christian at times because of that. I could have given up on being a Christian, as I did for a short time, but I came back to it again. When you find the right people to associate with, mainly other Gay Christians and a liberal-minded church, then it's not so bad. It's my faith that keeps me going. If I was an atheist, I'd probably have lost my mind by now and turned out like so many of the bad sorts of gay people you speak of.

 

exactly the same here.

 

I think you need to go to city with more diversity. In my experience the men I've approached and have met tend to not fit the stereotype, and don't focus on the clothes, politics, and the look.

I just don't approach men who look lame. It seems as though the area your looking for men is fairly limited?

 

Cliques, clans, groups, buds, chums, pals... the titles may be different but the support system is or can be the same. Being single and putting oneself "out there" can be a frightening and upsetting situation. Just sending emails back and forth to someone who has posted can turn into a(n) harrowing experience. I've learned over the years that there are some people who simply love living vicariously by the mail content rather than by the intimacy of the one-on-one.
With the exception of a one year stint in Austria, I have always lived in metropolitant American cities. I'm far from a dog, but I have also never had the perfect h/w proportion or the super toned muscle bod.

"Youth is beauty in itself." I don't find comfort in diversity. What happens when you go into a bar where everyone looks like they are on a casting call for STAR WARS ? I don't say that everyone has to look like a GQ or A&F model, but it is nice to go into a place and feel as if you can at least approach someone.

TO ANSWER THE INITIAL QUESTION, however I would have to say that one of the good things about being gay has been my ability to be the master of my own destiny. I do not answer to others and I am not responsible for the well-being of anyone but myself. My independence and sense of self-worth and self-value have always been key components of my integral identity.

 

Being myself is what makes me feel good about being gay. Since I've come out, I've been so much more comfortable with myself - not just my sexuality, but just being me in general. Being a weird, gay, music-loving freak who can tell that the song he's listening to is in D flat major as soon as it starts.


SageDreamer, I totally get what you're saying, and it's like that in high school too. Sort of. Minus the clubbing and whatnot. But the majority of the "out" gay kids that are in high school in my area are pretty flamboyant, because they like to be on the market - they want people to know they're gay, so they act as "gay" as possible. And that becomes the norm, and other gay kids are expected to act like that. Like last month, this kid who goes to the other high school in my town talked to me and kept shamelessly flirting with me and being a shallow idiot, and I was just thinking... is that supposed to be attractive?

ramble ramble ramble

 

Come to London. We have a gay area known as Soho. Neon lights and purple sillohettes everywhere plus we have the official rainbow flag. There are also gay pubs in the gay section. Worth dumping the world for this place.

 

That's not what I'm saying..

The bigger cities generally contain more men who aren't too concerned with their looks and aren't GQ or abercrombie models.

Myself, I wouldn't really want to get with either...

 

The best thing about being gay is having about ten times the disposable income of the average straight guy. Everything else is just gravy.

This I could really do with. It's not that I have any particular problem with model looks, it's just that most people are trying too hard to achieve them just look ridiculous in the process. I guess city folk understand that there's a difference between trying to look good and trying to look like someone who looks good.

I found this, actually, and I came out a good couple of years before my first sexual experience. To me it just proved how much sex has to do with every day life. Just not having to tell the hundreds of little lies and half-truths necessary to keep people in the dark was such a relief that I think it made me a better person as a result.

As for the public image thing, which a lot off us have mentioned, it's pretty lame, and I can kinda put up with it in high school kids, because they're going through a stage where they desperately want to fit in. So I'm cool with that. But if someone's still trying to live up to a ridiculous caricature of identity at 20-25, regardless of what that identity is, it's a bit of a shame. That's what bothers me most; so many guys my age still seem to be trying so hard to fit in, spending hours of every day worrying about it, and if you have to try that hard then what's the point? I won't pretend "being myself" has gotten me any further, but at least it's less effort.

But effort seems to be attractive to gay guys at the moment. I've got a vague idea why, but I don't want to understand it too much in case I start agreeing.

 

it is pretty hard being gay, im finding that out now. the ones i develop feelings for and have feelings for dont have them for me and the ones that do live far away, its part of life i guess. but through it all what makes me feel good about being gay is knowing who i am, ther is no more confusion. and the thing about fitting their idea of being a certain way, man just do your own thing. its what i do, yeah it gets lonely becasue i dont conform to the clothes and the idea of what im supposed to look like, but hell, im going to have fun doing my own thing, having a blast and if they cant see that then they dont deserve someone as great as you, kinda cheesy i know, but yeah.

 

1. not having to deal with ignorance as much (gay guys/girls are for the most part not racist/ close minded against any group of people)
2. not having to deal with girls (no offense but I dont like dealing with all the stuff they whine about)
3. being able to appretiate the beautiful body of males
4. being able to break stereotypes and laugh at people's ignorant comments (being one of two openly gay guys in a catholic high school of 1200)

-Some guy talking to a girl:"YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE WEIRD IF A GUY TOOK ANOTHER GUY TO THE PROM!!""
Me:" Why would that be weird?? I might bring a guy to our prom even if i have to get kicked out"
Him: "UHH....."

-"HE CAN"t BE GAY ! HE ISN't EFFEMINATE!!!!! AND HE LIKES SOME SPORTs, AND HE ISNT INTO FASHION!!!" (Yeah I'm known as the "straight" gay guy now)

 

my lovers are what makes me happy to be gay

 

That too.

But really, cuz I can accept who I am without hiding. I didn't come out for a couple years and it sucked...now that people around me know its more like I can justify their opinions about me cuz they know for sure I'm gay, its not a lingering question in their minds any longer. SOrry if that sounds confusing.

 

It is my nature and why i should go against nature? I am a gay, and dont see something wrong in it.

 

I like just knowing I am who I am and feeling good about accepting that

Btw, hello!

 

Well, I'm not totally sure yet due to my age, but I think that having a partner in the same situation is great. Not that being gay is a "situation", but it is something that a gay couple will have in common. I'm not articulating this very well, but I hope you know what I mean.

 

Don't worry about it! Only one thing that you must care that the really sense in emotionally by yourself. I'm happy as a gay, i think it's true for me. although there is some different from the other people in my country, but that isn't a problem. I have my life, my love, that i feel so good. Give a suggestion, do yourself. Got more self-confidence, and coatch the fate in your hand, so you could hold your life actually. remenber one thing, love must be around with you, you just only need to find it. good luck, bye!

 

I've only been gay once in my life. And it didn't feel good. I mean, when I shot my load it felt good but afterwards I felt like I had done something wrong. It wasn't so much that I was attracted to him, but the extremely graphic porno on the computer screen pretty much made us do it to eachother. He's still one of my better friends, but we never talk about it.