This is just crazy. I was on this computer that I'm on right now and my dad's hotmail was still logged into. I was going to shut it down, but I saw an e-mail from an interesting Yahoo SN. A long story short I just found out his plans to drive an hour away and meet this girl that's only a year or two older than me. I'm 21 by the way. I'm crushed. This is a man that I respect and love. I'll never see him the same way again. Now I'm visiting my parent's house right now. My mom was planning on driving with me 400 miles to visit her parents and for me to get home too. He's planning on doing this while we're all gone. He says he couldn't get off work and got over the top mad when my mom and I brought up an idea for me to stay around here and work while living here. Now my parents have been married happily for 23 years I'm the oldest of 3 kids. I'm wondering how I should go about approaching him about this. I'm stunned, angry, and disappointed all at the same time.
I don't know that it is your place to confront him. Have you given any thought that your Mother may already know about this younger woman? Your parents may have an open relationship.
caliman I can understand your shock and resentment but I agree it's got nothing to do with you and you should try not to judge a thing you may not entirely understand.
^^^I'm going to dissent and say that it IS your business. True, you may not know the entire situation, so it will be best to not accuse your father. I suggest you try to approach the matter in a open commmunicative way. Hopefully, the situation is fully explainable. However, it sounds to me as if something improper is going on especially if he got really pissed when you thought about staying around. It is important for the respect of your mother and your family, and the physical health of your mother that the issue be addressed. The key, though, is to do so in a way that will be constructive. I would talk to my parents and go from there. No need to be rash. Peace
I would print off the e-mail approach my dad with it and ask him to explain himself then tell him that he tells mom or i do.
He is your parent, you are not his. He may be doing something that is fundamentaly wrong but it is not your call to interfere in his and your mothers private lives. It may indeed be hurtful to you when you realize that good 'ole Dad isn't living up to your expectations but he is a grown adult and your parent, don't inerfere.
I think some of the posts are a little patronizing. Yeah, he's the father but she has her own life and a right to her feelings. He should have been more discreet! His behavior is not marked by prudence. Now she knows. She can't see her father in the same way. Also, she has to drive 400 miles with her mom, knowing this! She will feel like she is betraying her mother. I think she's in a painful position, and people should be a bit more empathic. Also, I doubt her mother knows, if the guy is planning to do it the weekend they're going out of town, and sneaking around on the internet about it. Look, I don't know what it's like to be her dad's age or to be married for this long, but I know for certain it doesn't have to come to this. Caliman, I don't blame you for how you are feeling. I'm really sorry this is happening to you! You might need to discuss this with your dad, in order to continue to have a relationship with him. It might be something you really suffer with if you don't. Also, please don't blame yourself or feel too much pain over this. Trust your own feelings and instincts. Don't hide from them. You have a treasure of knowledge and wisdom to draw from; have faith.
its not just a matter of "pareting" your dad. its not like that. that question is WHAT DO YOU OWE to your MOM? tell her! if he's doing something wrong, she can deal with it if not, then at least you didnt stay silent.
I would approach him about it man to man. Tell him I'm how disappointed I was in him. And ask him how He could jeopardize his whole family like this. I wouldn't tell your mom, it would only break her heart. But then again she probably knows anyway. To be honest, after 23 yrs, its probably not the first time.
I agree, this behavior doesnt sound like she knows about it. I wont be too quick to say what you should do, its always easy for strangers to spout of actions that should be taken for such a difficult and complicated situation. I 'm sory this is happening to you. Its up to you what you do, but i think you should do something, this isnt healthy. I would think about whats best for your mom, and consider that something bad could happen to her, for example, he could give her an std when she may not even realize that theres a posibility of it. Its very hard to say what to do, are you worried he might react violently if you bring it up with him?
I can relate. My dad has cheated on my mom with at leaste a few women. The first time I found out was when I stayed home from school for a Drs appt. My mom was at work. Before he took me to the doctor he said he had to pick up a friend. He even brought her along with us. As we were getting back in the van to go home I sat in the seat farthest to the back and heard her say to him "It's going to make you feel kind of drunk and it will probably make you horny." When we got home they went in his room and shut the door. Of course I couln't help but listen in to what they were saying. He was completely doggn on my mom saying how terrible of a wife she is. Then physically saying she has small breasts, and the woman said "is this her bra??" laughing. I couldn't take it, I listened to some music. Then some time later I went to listen again and all I heard was "Sorry I'm so tired, itll be much better next time" like.. WHAT THE FUCK.. I never saw that lady again, but she did call the house from time to time. I had no idea what i was supposed to think... Did my dad think i was blind? or did he just not care? Then, a couple months ago.. He called me drunk one night telling me I had to meet his friends daughter. Well we met and chatted. She was the same age as me. She looked more like she was in her 20's, and because she a slutty reputation (as she told me) I almost assumed that she messed around with him also. Well, come to find out, she actually ended up informing me that my dad had also been seeing her aunt. I've never told my mom, and I never will. At first I couldn't stand to even look at my dad. That is hard because I am such a "daddy's girl". But I can accept it now. Infact I don't really blame him. He and my mom aren't very affectionet like they once were. Keeping it from my mom wasn't too hard, because I don't talk to her much about anything anyway. We really aren't close. Infact, tell ya the truth, we've never in our lives exchanged "I love you" but rather "I hate you". I still love her reguardles, and I thought about telling my old sister. My sister is close to my mom, and maybe she would think it was only right to tell her.. but.. its nobodys business but my dads. And besides.. he lies for me all the time
i would talk to your dad and find out about the situation... and tell him he thinks your mom should know but it is up to him to tell her, not you.
confront dad ask if mom knows if not, tell him you will tell her if he doesn't tell her once he doesn't/if he says that she already knew
