I apologise if this is posted in the wrong forum, wasnt sure where to post. I have a very long story but ill cut it short * 2 weeks ago i found out the dude i thought was my dad aint really my dad * I found out by my nan so i feel very cheated and lied to the fact my mum hasnt told me and im now 18. * my older brother is in the same boat aswell, i actually told him the next day when i saw him as he still hadnt been told. * I moved out as i hated the dude i thought was my dad(martin) * Martin is a jerk, he treats my mum like dirt, me like dirt and my 3 younger sisters. I have loads of thoughts that hes cheating on my mum again. * Martin and my mum split 5 years ago becuase he was cheating. * For instance he has been "working late" every night 7 days a week till 10 at night, which came totally out the blue, his phone kept switching off and he texted my mum one night and sed he is staying late and working with one of his mates. * My mum knew the guy he was working with and out of curisity went to the dudes house and guess what he was there, 5 mins after martin had text to say he was with him. Also martin was working about 25 miles from home, so he couldnt of dropped the dude of that quit and even if he did it would of hurt to drop in and tell my mum as he was round the corner. * My mum told him he had to leave becuase of her constant thoughts of him cheating, after i found out he had gone i came back home. * Well my mum wasnt strong enough and she has let him wind his way back in some way. * My mum is back with him but he still aint leaving back here (yet...) I dont know what to do becuase i feel so angry when he just comes into the house and acts like nutin has happened and still treats my sisters like dirt. i know he hasnt changed and i hate the way he has held my mum back from living her life. Im not angry that hes not my dad becuase i would of got to this point becuase after years of watching him treat us all like crap makes me see right through him now. i aint spoken to him for 4 weeks now. i want my mum to see that what she is doing is wrong, yet i respect the fact she is independant and has every right to do what she wants BUT she has 5 children, 3 of which of under 15 and really need her now but shes too busy with him. I know if she continues with the false hope she has about martin she will end up on her own when shes older and with all her children resenting her for puting him before her children. I dont know what to do. If anyone has any advice how to deal with any aspects of my problems please help because im really low at the moment. thanks.
I wish I had some good words for you, mate. But honest, all you can do is remind her of your love and support when she needs it. Then get to work makin a success of yourself, so she'll always have you to lean on for support when she needs it. If she sees you as someone successful who loves her maybe Martin will start looking more and more like the creep he is. But at any rate her mother's heart will know pride in you - which sounds sloppy, but is true, true, true! Remind her of your fondness for her with a card oncet in awhile. Maybe flowers on her b'day, etc. But do remember to take care of yourself, so she won't feel guilty for not being able to do it. And: no child ever gave a parent advice that was listened to seriously!! Life don't work that way. Keep in touch, we'll at least listen (maybe even a little advice oncet in awhile.)
You already know that it is her decision to make. All you can do is talk to her tell her your concerns and then tell her you will support whatever decision she makes. You don't want to make to many waves because alienating your family won't help. You can try to get your Mom interested in activities outside the home that may help her see her own self worth and rediscover her self respect. In which case she may just choose to get him out of her life for good. It is hard when you get older and the fear of being alone drives many people to stay in bad relationships. Another benefit of her getting involved in some things is she will come in contact with other men, which may lead her to feeing like she is still desired. Good Luck.
