Well, I broke up with my boyfriend of a year yesterday. I wont go into why or anything right now, but I'm the one who broke up with him, so why am I so hurt? I don't regret my decision, but I love him. I'm just not in love with him anymore. Man, I've had my heart broken so many times, and it never gets easier. How can I cope? Is is possible to be friends?
Breaking up from any kind of relationship is usually never easy for either party. I recall breaking up with my first boyfriend and I was surprised by just how much it hurt me, sometimes I think it hurt me more than it hurt him, but since there's never any way I'll know that, I just have to put it down to the fact that the act of 'breaking up' itself just plain sucks. 'To hurt or be hurt' is the usual saying where break-ups are concerned, I rather feel it should go more along the lines of 'hurt yourself and the one you love' because few can walk away from any long term relationship and not be hurt, even where you instigated the break up, you are still going to have to grieve for the loss of that part of your life. Don't worry it's natural to hurt like this... but it also takes guts to know when a thing isn't right for you, and to make that difficult decision to walk away from it. Change is never easy, often quite scary in fact. However if he was not right for you, then you could not have been right for him, even if he can't see it, so in the end, you are doing what's best for you both. It may be possible to remain friends; I know that in the past some ex boyfriends I've had I've been able to remain friends with, others I've simply lost touch with. The difficulty in remaining friends lies in him getting the wrong idea, a clean break for now is prolly the best option, then you can try to rebuild a friendship later down the line once the sting has gone out of the pain. You may find that if you start calling him up now (even tho you may be worried about him, how he's coping etc) he may get the wrong idea and think that you are trying to patch things up as boyfriend-girlfriend as opposed to just being a friend looking out for another friend. It may also just be too difficult for him to see you right now, depending on how much the break up hurt him. I would stay away for his sake. Wait then see how it goes a few months down the line. Often the need to remain friends comes from the need to 'make right' the wrong if you like, which is a natural reaction to the guilt I know I've felt in the past when I have initiated a break up. I feel it's important though that you stay away at least for now. Don't be hard on yourself, it's better to end something that's not 'right' for you sooner rather than later, otherwise you are just prolonging the inevitable and wasting both your time. You did the right thing; give yourself the time you need to say goodbye (get over the hurt) move on and remember the good times, it's all you can do really. Hmm this post has Abba's 'Knowing me, Knowing you' going thru my head now
my GF of 2.5 years broke it off with me ....because we argued and fought way too much (much of it had to do with her family, and how she was raised) My heart has been broken too (and hers) but we are doing whats best. We said maybe we'll come together some time in the future again, and have peace, but now i know i cannot cling to it as I once did. best of luck to you, i have compassion for you
It's funny you should say that dalee, b/c my ex was brought up in what I would call a screwy environment. Maybe I need a guy who came from a home more like mine??
A similar background makes communication and understanding easier. My boyfriend and I are from different countries, cultures and my parents worked abroad before so my upbringing was so mixed up that it sometimes causes misunderstandings. Things that are normal to him may seen unacceptable to him and vice versa. I once dated someone who was from a totally Chinese family in a small town. We fought so much because his family didn't agree to my upbringing. Being the traditional guy he is, he brought the conflicts into our relationship. Boy, did I cry! I remembered crying in a crowded teahouse, on the streets, on my pillow and all those phone calls because I didn't understand why. I cannot change my upbringing but his family disagreed so he listened to them. I couldn't think or say his name for 3 years! I locked the memories away because it hurted too much to even have them flashed over. After several years and several other relationships later, now I can say his name out loud and slowly try to retireve the memories, paint his picture in my mind (also, one of my students look so much like him that I was forced to face this). Now, I am even hoping that I can meet him on the streets because I want to see how he has been all these years. But ya.. it hurted so much and I felt so unjustly treated too.. All the best!
Teahouse tears and heartbreak fears wrapped in China mist knowing theres one I'll never kiss again {I can relate} (check my introduction)
oh yeah, breaking up truly sucks. Especially when you know it's not actually working, but deep down you wish it was. It's been a week since I last saw my ex, we're supposed to be on a break, meaning he needs to be alone cos he's got lots on his mind at the moment and we've been having serious problems, well, I've been the one with the trust issues. I never could trust him. and i think i'll never will. so that's why I consider this relationship over. I know he had a party last night and probably he got off with someone else. the thought hurts me like crazy, but what can i do? I'm not going to do the same cos that's not what I want out of life. I'm starting university in less than a month and i've got so much to look forward to. I try to keep my mind busy, but it's hard you know, the pain is there and it'll take a while to go away. I know it'll hurt me when he comes to me says we can't be together, but i've been preparing myself for that. god i feel so bad right now.
