Well, lets start off with a little history, I've known my current boyfriend for 5 years, we've been together for 3, and boy have we been threw some shit together in the past 3 years, first of all I guess as his parents getting divorced and him moving in with me pretty young into our relationship, then was his mental break down which caused him to be in hospital for a week, his breakdown might I add was because of something that he did to me and it caused his guilt complex to go all crazy and he needed to be put away, there problem being there that I never had a chance to deal with the problem in the first place and it's still something that I carry. Then he had a problem with his ex boss telling him that I didnt like him etc, basically trying to brain wash him, then fights along the way but now, I'm faced with the biggest problem that I've delt with in our relationship. We had a huge fight yesterday and when everything had calmed down we started talking about the future etc. We brought up marriage, now let me explain that I dont want to get married on paper, I just want to do a handfasting cerimony, and get rings and take his last name. Nothing christain and no legal papers invovled. He has a problem with this, he basically said that it's his last name and it's his choice weither or not I take it and he doesnt want me to and basically it's never going to happen, so now I'm faced with a problem, whats more important to me, the man that I want to marry and love more then anything else in the worl or my dreams of what I want in the future. I feel as if I get no credit for the things that I've been threw with him, and then when it comes down to the basics like getting married we arent even on the same page and weither I stay or I go, I'm not going to be getting what I want.... Any advice?
Well it is his choice whether is wants a longer term commitment or not. I understand what you are saying about not getting what you want either way but that is only partly true. If you leave you could most likely find what you want in the long run. If you need a long term commitment then just move on now. Eventually, maybe when faced with losing you, he will probably decide that he does want "marriage" but if it is not want he truely wants then it probably won't work out. You know what you want so go out there and find it with someone who is a little more stable. That would be my advice but you will be the one to decide what is a deal breaker and what isn't.
You can't force him into a commitment ceremony; if he doesnt' want to be involved, he won't be. You can try waiting it out and see if he changes his mind, you can try the handfasting without taking his name (which btw, I believe you need to fill out paperwork regarding change of name for, before it'll take legally). Or you can leave him if you feel your guys' life goals are incongruent.
