My girlfriend is a virgin and tells me that it hurts her when I so much as touch her pussy. We aren't talking penetration here, simply touching it. Every time we are together we make out, get naked and as soon as I get anywhere near her groin, she's "not in the mood" anymore. Hell, most times we'll just get naked, then suddenely she's "not in the mood". She'll just go limp and want to be held. Now, I can understand her being a virgin, that it *does* hurt. But it just seems to me that she's exagerating the issue. I asked her flat out if she was and she said no and was mad at me for insuating such a thing. Bleh. She tells me how bad she feels that she "won't have sex with me". Though I dunno what she's waiting for. She's said numerous times that "If I were to have sex, it would be with you" and "I'm not waiting for marriage". I fucking hate this. Every god damn time this happens I feel stranded and alone. Like she's leaving me high and dry. If I bring the subject up, I'm hurting her more by making her feel worse about not having sex with me and if I don't bring it up, she gets mad at me because I'm witholding something. Also, her body is amazing. When I think about her sexually, I feel even worse, because I'm not the kind of guy who pushes the issue. I don't want her to give it up until she's good and ready. It's gotten to where I simply hate myself. I hate myself when I lay guilt on her by talking about it. I hate myself when I make her angry by witholding my feelings. I hate myself when I think about her sexually. I hate myself for not being able to bring her to an orgasm. I suppose most of this post wasn't needed, but if anybody has any suggestions on the pain issue, please, advice welcome.
It seems there are three possibilities. 1. She DOESN'T want to have sex or be sexual with you, and she doesn't know how to tell you. Because of this, she makes up excuses. However this seems unlikely as she only stops you WHEN you get to her pussy. 2. It DOES hurt...maybe she has an infection or is simply very, very sensitive. Possible...but again very unlikely. 3. The most likely...she doesn't want you touching her there for a more personal reason...it sounds very likely that she has sexual hang-ups (very possible she was abused as a child). Emotionally it sounds like she shuts down...it would have to be HUGE physical pain to make her "not be in the mood" anymore...but emotional pain, of course, would turn her off right away. Perhaps she is scared of sex, or was abused, or some other issue that she hasn't resolved. The solution: I suggest writing her a letter. Say that you really care about her and want to be sexual with her, but you can't understand only touching hurting so much. Let her know that if there is some other reason she can talk to you...and if it is touching that hurts, maybe she should get checked at a doctor? LEt her know you aren't trying to insult her and you DO care about her, but also it isn't fair how she's behaving. It's not fair to say she wants sex...and then not even let you touch her. Suggest you two have a chat about it once she's read the letter. Then when you talk, make sure you're alone, have lots of time - and listen to what she has to say. It's up to you what you do then. Frankly, if it was me and she didn't seem to want to talk AT ALL or tell you ANYTHING - I'd consider if I really wanted to be with this girl. Not because she SHOULD be having sex with you [if she's not ready], but because if she doesn't open up or contribute to solving this or talking AT ALL - then it sounds like she's being selfish AND she doesn't trustyou. But give it a chance first.
My suggestion - sorry I probably am the wrong person but girls talk to me .. you know? Don't try. Give the whole nudity thing a rest. Go for it dry, (with clothes) that way she gets more comfertable with her reaction. One friend of mine told me she was afraid of how she'd REACT, not the sex itself. I asked her why and she didn't know, if you move it slow ( dry sex - oral - manual - sex sex ) she may be more comfertable. But start over that way you don't frustrate yourelf. Make out sessions - touch her, just don't try for *the naked* until you've gotten past other hurdles. She needs to be comfertable with HER. Most of all move slow - if you love her and are wowed by her sex really shouldn't be an issue ... at least that's what I'm told ;-) Good Luck.
I think she's beign completely truthful when she says it hurts. Make sure your fingernails have been trimmed. Don't touch her so hard, light feathery touches are what works on lots of girls. Guys tend to use a much harder touch on themselves than what a lot of women like when it comes to genitals. Make sure she's wet too... dry friction on the clit OWWW, so not fun. Have you asked her to masturbate for you? Show you how she touches herself?
the guy who said go for it dry is way off she may have a condition medicaly that can cause pain..going for it dry can cause lifelong dammage and cause her to never enjoy sex there was another woman on here who had 30+ years experience trying to figure out her sexual issues and it all went back to dammage done by doing it dry scarring it soundds to me like she should see a dr, with your support..or u should be more understanding and explore her past for clues but doesnt sound like your being that understanding and are acting like its all about you..it isnt..its her body and shes odviosly got somethings she needs to fi#gure out .. wether its medical or emotional.. but dont push it, work on it together at a pace thats confy for her..and let her initiate contact
eagle... they didnt mean dry as in no lubrication, just dry as in not direct contact, ie through clothes... to the OP I think ihmurria is likely right, but it could also be some deeper emotional issues as others have said
i knew what he meant wheels..but that can cause skin tearring, roughclothing being grounsd into sensative skin..zippers..all that..can cause dammage so sevvere the nerves die and she becomes incapable of sexual feelings except pain if the OP has been grindin against her aggreessively dry it could be the cause not solution tothe pain
if you're talking about the other posters problems that probably stem from dry humping/grinding, please remember that the grinding was causing her pain yet she continued with it at the time. Pain is a sign that something is going wrong, grinding shouldnt' permanently damage anyone as long as they aren't in pain during it (or afterwards)
Wheels, I wouldn't say that a nervous virgin's excuses to her boyfriend are a sign of "deep emotional issues." She doesn't want to have sex and she doesn't want to disappoint her boyfriend. Unless she feels this "pain" when she touches herself (like when bathing) I don't see any need for her to see a doctor. The biggest problem I see is the implication that she should have sex with her boyfriend unless she can come up with a good reason not to. Neither she nor the OP have learned that "I don't want to" is a good reason.
http://www.aafp.org/afp/990315ap/1547.html look, people, there are conditions out there that can make touch painful. Almost every guy I've been with has touched me too hard, painfully hard at some point in time. Guys, generally speaking, are much rougher on their genitals than women are. Softer touches, lots of moisture, have her masturbate for you, see where that leads. If none of that helps she should talk to her doctor.
absolutely agree imhurria and guys learn bad habbits from watching too much porn too, alot of what they show wouldnt feeltoo great tothe girl and is all just for visual effect, and if u touch her once and it felt icky, she may not want to repeat the experienjfce
As pissed as I was when I read this. I got to thinking about it and you maybe spot on. Thanks for the reality check. Thanks to everybody else with helpful suggestions (especially dreadlock guy and leggy girl)
