Break up b/c of no sex?

Hi there,

I've been with my girlfriend for 1.5 years now, and I'm quite happy with her. Well, almost, because she doesn't wanna have sex before marriage, but I certainly do. She's told me this from the beginning, and I accepted it because I didn't wanna be "that guy" who's only about one thing. And my life has been better ever since.
But the more serious the relationship is getting, the smaller are the prospects of having a sexual relationship in the future. So I'm thinking if I should end the relationship because I feel I'm not being true to myself. I've told my girlfriend that it concerns me, and she understands, but she's not gonna change, and certainly I don't have any right to demand her to change. Marriage is also not an issue, it's far too early for that. So should I end it?

 

You're the only one who can decide that.

But you did know about this when you started dating her, and to end it because of something you knew 1.5 years ago is, well, a little assinine to me.

Have you talked to her about it? It may not change her stance but at least she'll know what's going on with you.

 

Well, maybe it was assinine, but it wasn't a mistake, because I very much cherrish all the time I've had with her.

I've talked to her about it, but not that I would break up with her because of it. I know it's not totally honest, but it would make her feel like she has to choose between her belief and me, and that's really not fair.

 

If you REALLY love her....you will be able to wait...and it will be well worth it....if you need sex that bad...be creative with masturbation...I know its not the same as being with her...but it will take the edge off...and you will still have her on her own terms.

 

You are dating a real live woman, on the other hand there is the concept of "being true to one's self."

If achieving the goal of "self truth" is more important to you than your girlfriend, I think you would both benifit (in the long run) from your breaking up.

If your girlfriend is more important to you than your fitting your preconseptions of yourself, then she's probably worth sticking with.

By the way, if you just want a girlfriend who does engage in premarital sex, that's an OK reason to break up with her. You don't have an obligation to keep dating this woman. It may be shallow, but if it's important to you, then it's important to you.

 

sorry but how old are you?
because you've mentioned that it's far too early for a marriage, so i think that your age is a very big factor in this problem
if you are supossed to wait 3 of 5 more years for a marriage (or for sex in this case) i thing that you sholud leave her
it's obvious that you need sex and if it causes you doubs about your relationship now, it will cause even bigger doubts and troubles in the future

but if you are serious about this girl, and you really want to spend your life with her just hang on there... there are many ways how she could please you without sex

 

No sex is good enough reason for me to break it off with someone.

 

It would be a deal breaker for me. I am all for waiting to make sure the relationship is developed but I would never marry someone that I wasn't sexually compatable with. Since you can't find that out until after you get married, I would walk.

 

Any chance for a more sutle sexual relationship? Like leaving intercourse out of it, but fingers and hands - and later on, naked nights with no chance of sperm reaching her cervex. I spent a whole year doing that, slowly adding more variety, yet always mindful of my promise not to attempt to go "all the way" (she was an old fashion girl.) Man, did I learn variety, inventiveness, and patience - until that wonderful night that she took hold and started to stroke! Still never got the "insert here" card with her. We wandered away from each other, but lack of sex had nothing to do with it. AAAAaah, memories!

 

Hey, I'm not saying I wouldn't stop dating someone because of no sex, but I wouldn't date them for 1.5 years knowing I wouldn't get laid in that time frame. I -love- sex waaaay too much to wait til marriage (doubly so since I don't really believe in marriage)

 

I'm like utterly enraged. I never understood this "let's wait till marriage" mentality at all. It's been said up there: WHAT IF YOU HAVE SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN COMPATIBLE? We don't live in an ideal world. Some relationships DO end over sex, and that's not entirely shallow. I mean, what if sex with her is utterly bland? What if by the tiem you CAN have sex with her, you're utterly inexperienced. It is HIGHLY likely that one of two things will happen in my opinion:
1) If you didn't have a lot of sex before you met her and aren't a veteran, you'll probably not do great on your first time and make for some awkward memmories (What a wonderful honeymoon!)
2) You may find that you're not compatible. What if she lies down and spreads her legs and you fuck her missionary and that's all she's into and your entire sex life consists of her spreading and you giving the same position for the rest of your life.
3) If she's so conservative sexually, I'm guessing you'll NEVER get to do anything kinky (This is an educated assumption- i can't see the future: It's just that repressed/conservative sex views are usually stiff and boring)

If you think it's shallow to leave her, it's not. You need to have fun, relax and test her out, and she needs to do the same with you. Plus, I know a few girls might get offended by this, but what is this, the sixteenth century? If she can't see common sense, just leave. I know virginity is important (ESPECIALLY to girls), but girls lose it all the time at young ages, often to guys they'll never see afterwards. If she can't trust her boyfriend of one and a half years- if she wants some stupid Cinderella like perfect wedding, sex after marriage thing, don't be a sucker. Let some OTHER guy live in her fantasy world with her. I'm sure she'll find plenty of guys who want the same thing (sarcastic)!

You seem liek a good guy. Maybe a great guy- dealing with this garabage. Honestly, though, I say leave her. Leaving a girl who won't even get intimate with you makes perfect sense: I think most GIRLS would leave if a guy was liek this with them (not liek a guy ever would be)

Good luck. That's all I'm gonna say, man. You're probably attached to her and all, but I say leave before you get even more so.

 

Thanks for all the replies!
I'm 21, my girlfriend is 23. The relationship has involved pretty much everything else sexually except for intercourse. That's what's kept me going What Fastswitch mentioned is also true for me! I couldn't be so close with someone and have little or no physical contact. But it's so hard to hold back when you want to "make love" to somebody that you like (love) very much, when it all feels right.
I also don't think much of the "waiting till marriage" concept, as I am experiencing the consequences personally, because it's hurting our relationship. Even my girlfriend says she actually wants to sleep with me, but she's stubborn - having come this far, she's not gonna change her opinion. It's a cultural thing. But then again, I think if she wasn't like this, she'd be a different person, things would be different, and we maybe wouldn't be together,
And she's sooooo pretty, the idea of one day going all the way with her is just.... WOW!

 

Don't be a bitch. At least, don't be HER bitch. Do as I have said, apprentice. Their is much potential in you.

 

Well, either you
a) marry her
b) break up with her
c) stay with her in a sexless relationship.

My cousin got married at age 22, it's not like people your age don't get married. I just think you knew what you were getting into with the waiting til marriage thing.

 

I always wondered... Are those your legs in that pic?

 

PS: Nice legs lol

 

I have never known what "not compatible" means in that respect. I'm pretty sure that the parts will fit.

If "not compatible" means he wants to do things she doesn't or vice versa, well that's the situation they're in right now.

If he's horny in the morning, but she's a night person; that's one of those many things (in many areas), the working out of which makes for a good strong marriage.

 

But, you ARE that guy. This thread proves that.
I think you're an ass if you break it off now. You knew exactly what it was going to be when you started it, you just hoped you were smoother than you are.
If you really love her and respect her, you'll wait.

 

yep, my legs, my developing of hte photo in the photography lab too. Danke.

I agree with moonie here.... to the OP, you knew what this was when you started dating her, it's not like the rules of the game magically changed somewhere along the way

 

True. He DID know what this was when he got into it. But come on, I have a grudge with this:

But, you ARE that guy. (Refering to "that guy who only cares about one thing)

THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WANTING SEX AND ONLY WANTING SEX! He's been with her for a while. He DOES want her in a relationship. That's obvious.

And one more thing: He's an ass if he pulls out now? The heart AND the loins often want things the mind does not. I mean, he's a young, verile male! If you tell a girl you love her/will stay with her/etc. and then you change your mind due to forces you can't control, you're not a monster. You're human. People help me realize that for myself.

If you must break up, break up.You don'tt have to wait untill marriage like an ass- I'm all for commitment, but you're only human, and her demands are fairly unreasonable, especially in this day and age. Think my view is crude or asinine? Hey, at least I'm honest. At least I'm not afraid of my humanity.