Me and my boyfriend have been goiing out for i think 7 or 8 months. This is the longest relationship we both had and we're really in love. ours doesnt get too dramatic cause we are childish inside and thats what i love about him. A couple days ago i messed up and said that i dont us having kids together and he got disappointed and i asid we never talked about it cause we have too much fun together. a few days later i broke and said that i always think about having kids with him and hes the only one id have kids with (assuming i hate kids) and now hes getting to the point where "he cant wait" Now i know about my age and i dont need to hear that right now..m allowed to think about it. hes 19...now he wants to move and in and hopefully get married (yikes) i never want to get married lol i have no problem with this cause i have no one in the future...but 7-8 months...is he going a little too fast? I mean ive had some rough ones in the past and im afraid if i give him one then hes gonna leave..he swears he'll never do that..but dont they all say that?
seriously, you are too young to figure out whether you want to stay with this guy and have kids with him...way too soon!! you are 16!! enjoy being a girlfriend and having him as a boyfriend, learn things together, share interests, activities, love, etc etc why are you thinking of having kids so soon? I know it must be a way of projecting yourselves in the future, but you never know what might happen. It's nice to have dreams and aspirations with the one you love, but at 16 and 19, you are still trying to define who you are as an individual, let alone thinkin gof such a big thing like having kids. Just take it easy, just enjoy your relationship! if he leaves, then he's just not the right guy for you, who would want to have a kid to make someone else happy? That's not ok.
What's NOT ok is how you told him that "[you] always think about having kids with him and hes the only one [you'd] have kids with (assuming [you] hate kids)". And now you're freaking out because the poor guy has bought into words he thought were sincere coming from you. It's no wonder some men are so jaded and screwed up. Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Next time THINK before you speak. I know we sometimes say shit by mistake, but from just this incident, I'd say flat out, no, you're not ready to entertain a long term relationship, let alone kids and marriage. I hope you also recognize that it's not HIM who's getting too serious, it's YOU. Also, pardon the bluntness, but I would hazard a guess that neither of you have any idea of what you want out of life either.
ya'll need to talk about what you see in the future, how you feel about sex, marriage, kids, religion, et cetc etc. Hell, I usually get that crap talked about within the first few dates, within a month at the least. I dont' want kids now, probably never (and if I do get the urge I'd personally rather adopt anyways), dont' really believe in marriage, am agnostic, etc. I ask what my partner feels about say marriage or kids, listen to his response, reveal my own take on the topic and ta-dah it's been talked about, no ridiculous expectations built up, just open honest and frank discussion
If you really truly are serious (and thats something only you and he can figure out) regardless of age you need to get the important issues out of the way by talking of them. there is no problem with simply asking "do you want a baby someday"? even if a baby is a decade away, just to make sure you are on the same page. you should ask these questions now instead of years down the road when more is at stake. obviously with time you have put even more effort into a relationship and a fundamental difference like this unaddressed early could be devasting. I can see there was a misunderstanding by your post. you should have made it clear that you want a baby SOMEDAY NOT NOW if that is how you feel or clearly stated what you want. "someday but its not on my mind right now" for example is what I have heard. "its fine, I feel the same, just making sure for future reference and that we are on the same page." I don't care what your age is or that you are 16 cause quite frankly that does not matter, maturity does. just a half century ago 16 year olds were getting married and having kids in many cultures and today that is still the case in many areas of the world. This has happened for centuries and centuries yet there is a stigma these days about kids in their late teens talking of this. i guess its the "kids take forever to grow up" cliche. but who knows, maybe you are more ready than a 40 year old to have a kid even..so age is a BS way to go about giving advice (when is a good age all of a sudden?). it all depends on maturity and careful planning and how serious you and your partner are. remember: better now than later to make sure you are on the same page
^yes! thank you! im sick of people hounding me about my age. its what on my mind and he caught me by surprise by saying he did want kids with me SOMEDAY. I know better than to want them NOW. I just say it to be a joker. My grandma got married at 16 and had a kid at 17. nothing changed about her. Age isnt the matter.its what on our minds. We were talking today and we both agreed not to have kids until our mid 20s. Everything is going smoothly and i love that hes thinkin that way i just got a little worried when at times he said he wanted one now
well it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders..better than some mid 20 folks I see here, haha
Try to talk with him about it, and he will probably understand! Its the kind of thing lots of folks have mixed emotions about, and dont make a decision on for a long time.
Your Grandma lived in a different generation and how the heck would you know nothing changed about her? To me that's a foolish thing to say. Having children is a life changing thing---it's not nothing! Personally, I hope you hold on having kids for your and any possible children's sake. Before you do have any children, ask yourself this: What can I possible offer this baby? I'm going to go out on a limb and say your mind will change about a lot of things in the next 10 years from your bf, future BFs, children, LIFE and so on. Don't be in a hurry for anything. It's fun sometimes to think about the future but don't get caught up in it. Realize who and what you are today and what your relationship consist of with your bf today, because life is funny in that things happen when you least expect them.
So this is where you totally lost me. You're afraid of giving him one what? Are you thinking of just giving him a child though you don't want one? Or what? You've had some rough ones of what? I mean, at your age, most girls are thinking about "if I have sex with him, me might leave"... Is that what you're talking about? Definitely wait until after college to have children. In your grandmother's time, it was not uncommon for a woman to be supported by her husband, and not unreasonable to expect that an 18-20 year old man could financial support his wife and child. Not so today. Whether you do college or a trade school, get some education and a stable, decent-paying job before even talking about having children.
you guys have nice information and i respect it but what im trying to get at is is it too soon to think about it? it touches my heart that he wants kids and i know to wait until after college and when i get settled in...we mention it a couple times a day now but just goofy stuff like we both have big noses and so he said "we'll have little kids with big noses" nothing serious just funny. and to get to the "i want/ i dont want kids" i disliked kids all my life...i never wanted them and i still kinda dont so im just confused right now...right now its so so with me. i think about them but not all the time.
