Are break ups supposed to feel this brutal?

I just broke up with my girlfriend. i had to, because of deep emotional issues and issues of compatibility. It was a nightmare. I love her, but am no longer "in love" with her (I still am, sort of- but it's gotten bad). When I broke the news, she didn't cry or anything. She handled it with profound and respectable dignity, despite still having strong feelings for me. I looked at this poor thing and I couldn't help but cry as much as I faught it, because I didn't want to hurt her.
All my life, I've been bullied and had bad luck with women. I knew feelings like rejection, and knew them well- but when I looked at this little thing I just devastated, it was intolerable. I felt this horrific and disgusting power flowing through me: The power to hurt. Never had I been in a position of real power against any human being, and when I had this power in the form of the break up, I felt like a murderer. I won't be able to sleep at night. This is horrible.
Are break ups supposed to leave people feeling THIS BAD? Especially when they're the one that actually broke up with the other... I mean, is this the same old shit you've heard, or is it abnormal to be crushed if you're the one who wanted it over? Is it natural to love the person but still need space or to be alone?

 

if you still care about them, yeah, breakups suck

 

Okay I am not trying to bust your balls. But you say she didn't cry when you broke up with her and she hasn't made any contact with her. Can you be overestimating how much damage you may have done?
You seem to be the one having the issue with being hurt. I would suggest remembering all the good reasons you left her and keeping in mind how she acted when you left her. Reasoning instead of feeling might make for a cleaner break?

 

If you really feel bad, why do you call this woman, this living human being, just a "poor thing"? She's not some poor little thing you just crushed, she is a strong woman who will get over this, if she hasn't already.

Frankly, you say she didn't cry or anything. It sounds like you're power trippin'. For all any of us can tell, maybe she was still with you out of pity and is actually happy/relieved to be rid of you.

Please explain why you refer to this woman as a thing. The fact that you do that twice, combined with your talk of this profound sense of the power to hurt, really causes me to think you have some serious issues and need to seek counselling. The first step to really hurting someone is to stop thinking of them as a person and start seeing them as an object, a thing.

 

I understand you. All brake ups are emotionaly bad, it doesen't matther if you ae breaking up the relationship, or the other person.
If you feel bad for her, and if you feel bad yourself, why don't you talk to her. If you steel have feelings for her, but the relationsip didn.t work, it doesn't have to meen that you can't be friends.

 

This also crossed my mind.. It may be unconscious and just the way people speak though, Dawn. I'm a little suspicious too BUT

If I gave you the benefit of the doubt, Chronic,

I would say that yes, break ups can be horrific. It can be very painful even if you are the one doing the breaking. Like another has pointed out, stick to your guns. Try not to feel so guilty for it that you collapse and take her back. It's not fair to her and it's not fair to you. And try to me more aware of your language. Women pick up on this and it's no wonder if you've said you've had "bad luck" with women all your life.