Hello everyone. I visited this forum yesterday and after browsing a bit, I tought you could help me out. Can anyone tell me why it is considered "wrong" to be virgin at 19y.o? I've been chatting with a lot of guys who told me I wasn't gay just because I never had sex. What's the logic behind that? I mean, being gay does not mean to be oversexed right. IMO, the same thing applies to straight guys, if they never slept with a girl, it means they aren't straight. Anyway, I wanted to know what is the ok way to meet a guy - don't joke on half of the inhabitants of the planet is male, I've heard this one already Internet is definitely not a good one, since most of the time you come across sex addicts, or sex addicts in disguise (mind you, I'm not saying I'm against sex, I'm just looking for something parallel to it). And the very rare ok guys that are around, they would just say I am not their type So, how to meet a guy whose type I am? IRL, it is difficult to get to know those guys (Yeah, I do believe gay guys do not walk around with a t-shirt written "I'm gay" on it). I have to admit, being paranoiac doesn't help. Could you guys help me out?
its all about what feels morally right to you, what does your heart tell you, peer pressures all well and good, but its pressure none the less and the only one that can live your life is you S
. "I've been chatting with a lot of guys who told me I wasn't gay just because I never had sex. What's the logic behind that?" That's just dumb. You need to start chatting with hipper guys. Like I said before, being a virgin is no big deal. Everybody was a virgin at some point and then they weren't. "what is the ok way to meet a guy." Just start talking to him. Say anything at all. "nice weather we're having . . . cool nosering . . . do you know what time the bus comes . . . You remind me of someone I should be in love with." That's how to meet someone. When he answers back, think of a question to ask. Ask him his opinion about something, people love to talk about themselves. But try not to be too personal at first. Go to places gay men go to. Clubs, Plays, Concerts, Gay cafe or coffee shop. That's one reason that these places exist, so we can meet each other. Make eye contact, smile and then look away kinda shy. Say something sweet. You are in control at internet sites and you can chose who to meet or IM and who to just ignore. Not all internet services are about sex, try okcupid. "And the very rare ok guys that are around, they would just say I am not their type." I don't understand why you say things like that. It's just not true. There is someone for everyone. And sure, your guy might be a rare one, so what. How many guys can one virgin handle? Maybe you only need to meet one guy. The right guy. Or one at a time. Or one the first time. The important word there is meet. You have to meet him. And you might end up meeting him in the most unlikely place, like a gay chat room and you might have to talk to alot of sex fiends first, and if your looking for a special guy, then expect to be rejected by some guys, because other guys are looking for the perfect man too. So yeah, you want him to be special. That probably means he's a rare bird but your special man will be looking for someone just like you. You just have to make yourself available. And try not to be so paranoid and down. .
"You remind me of someone I should be in love with" This made me laugh "Go to places gay men go to. Clubs, Plays, Concerts, Gay cafe or coffee shop. That's one reason that these places exist, so we can meet each other." I'm not really into that "I don't understand why you say things like that. It's just not true." I'm not exposing my point of view here. I was just stating what I have been told. Being told that almost every time is really depressing. "So yeah, you want him to be special." I gave up looking for the special guy a long while ago. I'd rather find an ordinary guy. "And try not to be so paranoid and down." I can't help it. And thanks for your advice. I'll try to follow them, but I believe I'm gonna fail
. You may have heard the oft repeated quote from Thomas Edison, who was reported to have carried out more than 1,000 unsuccessful experiments to invent the first long-lasting electric light bulb. One of Edison's colleagues asked him, "Mr. Edison, don't you feel you are a failure?" He answered, "Not at all. Now, I definitely know more than a thousand ways how NOT to make a light bulb." That's how dating is. You will hopefully meet lots of men. You will meet many men who are either not right for you or you are not right for them. Each time you are rejected increases the odds that the next time you will meet some 'ordinary' dude who wants to spend time with you. No, the rejection is not easy. But people do learn to shrug their shoulders and move on. I suffer from depression. I wish I could tell you an easy way to cheer up and shoulder on. Counseling has helped me. You may believe you're gonna fail; and I am telling you that you're right, but there's no reason to dwell on that. If you persevere you will eventually achieve what you want, just like Edison. That's what you need to focus on. Sure, it feels good to belly ache. I hope you feel better. But it doesn't help you meet somebody. When I suggested you "Go to places ..." you replied: "I'm not really into that." Well, I'm not into grocery stores, either. I don't hang out at grocery stores. But I like to cook and I need to eat, so I go to the damn store because that's were they keep the food. I was just telling you where they keep the gay men. You don't have to like it at any of those places. But I know that if I just sit on my ass, I will surely starve. I do alot of things I don't care for in order to achieve my goals. I'm just wondering if you really do want to meet a man? I mean, it's okay if you don't. .
. In Games People Play (1964) Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis analyzes a lot of covertly human behavior in terms of "games": patterns of action that people display over and over again; the social interactions where people say one thing and mean another -and others play along. In the game of "Why Don't You, Yes But", a person brings up a problem they are having, seeming to invite others to brainstorm a solution. Each proposed solution, though, meets with a reason why it won't work or can't be done. After a while, the helpers give up. The real motive of the player is to get justification for a claim like, "See? I am helpless, nothing is my fault" or "See? Everyone who tries to help me is an idiot." or "See? It's useless." paraphrase: "While each move ('yes but')...brings its own little pleasure in rejecting the suggestion, the real pay-off is the silence ... which ensues when all the Rescuers have... grown tired of trying to think of acceptable solutions. This signifies to (the Victim) and to the other Rescuers that he has won by demonstrating it is Rescuers who are inadequate." The consequence of this is usually that the Rescuers resent their loss and tend to label the Victim as a 'Whiner' i.e. part of the problem; not part of the solution. Thus, both get a payoff: The Victim at having put the Rescuers down and the Rescuers at having their opinion of the Victim as an ineffective complainer confirmed. WDYYB I am sorry that you believe that you will never find a man to love you. What are you going to do about it? Like i said, I went to counseling. I also read books like "I'm Okay, You're Okay" and saw myself playing the WDYYB game. And I learned to direct my energies elsewhere. Again, it's okay if you don't want to meet a man. You may not be ready for that. And it's even okay if you want to play the "Yes, But" game. But really, you're probably alot cooler than that. .
I play that game everyday, so I'm sort of getting fed up with it. And it's not that I don't want to meet a man, it's just that I feel I won't do it, and this annoys me
