(help me out a little, maybe ...?) :)

So, I have been seeing in passing a fellow who lives a floor below me in my building ... he's pretty cute, has a great vibe, and seems like a nice guy.
When I first started noticing him, I was in my fog of pleasant self-deprication and nonchalantly assumed he wouldn't be interested -- but once, when we were both in the elevator at the same time, we ended up speaking and it turned out he'd been noticing me too. Next time we ran into each other on campus, we ended up talking for a while (although he admitted later that it made him late for class ); he told me his room number and asked me to drop by sometime.
Of course, I did. He was not in, so I wrote my room number on a piece of paper and put it in his mail slot.
He never stopped by, so I assumed he'd been pulling my leg. But when we next encountered each other randomly, he seemed very glad to see me because "I was never home!" -- implying he'd stopped by, more than once!
We continued in the ships-passing fashion, until tonight when we again ran into each other in the elevator. He invited me to dinner (albeit on campus because he's broke), and I went; we ended up talking for several hours, until the place closed, then taking it back to his apartment for tea and Modest Mouse.

It turns out he is JUST LIKE ME (in the non-aggravating ways, as far as I can tell ) -- an artist (asked me to help him get into oil pastels, since he'd noticed one of my drawings on my wall), a vegan neo-hippie, a horseback rider (!), and an utter discontent with much of society. (We've even tried the same drugs, but abandoned -- or at least slacked off of -- them for the same reasons! )
So I'm not getting my hopes up ... as evidenced in my other posts, I'm somewhat of a cynic and pretty mistrustful of other people. (I'm not even sure he's really interested, or if he's just being nice and/or scouting for a new belt notch.)
But at the same time, I'm also an optimist, and think it would be nice to try it again ...
This is actually what fueled some of my other posts. I am afraid having any kind of intimate relationship -- particularly sex -- with another person would destroy the equality I so desire ... but simultaneously I do desire the closeness, and yes, the sex -- because I AM human.

So what to do? Should I try to pursue this at all? If I do, would it be advisable to have a relationship that is strictly one or the other -- physical OR emotional? Or is it possible to have both at once?
Most importantly ... if I DO go for it (any kind of it) ... how should I go about it? (I'm pretty shy, and never make the first move ... for fear of the other person thinking I want too much.)

PS: I have already anticipated some of your replies, and I'll let you know when you post them.
Also, as a disclaimer: I'm pretty much gonna just go with the flow, either way it flows -- if he ends up telling me off, I'm obviously not going to pursue anything even if advised to, or vice versa. I'm just human, and like to hear others' advice. Thanks!

 

Just keep getting to know each other and see how it develops.

Sounds like you have plenty in common, and the more you get to know him, the more comfortable you will be around him, and the more clearly you will see what type of relationship it is.

No need to rush into anything.

the only worry i would have is that I make it a policy not to even get to know any neighbors, let alone get involved with one.

 

YES! I had anticipated that one!

Yep, that's what I mean by the last paragraph. I'm planning to see how it develops, I'm just wondering if I ought to take any action (be it trying to somehow include this person in my life, or be it lock my doors and not answer any knocks )

No, seriously ... how do I express interest? I have a very Amelie way of doing it (I like to do kind things just because I want to, and if I'm interested in someone I tend to make small anonymous art projects, like greeting cards, for them -- since I am an artist). But I'm aware this is not the way most people express interest, and it either comes across as too much or too little.
So I was wondering how I could do it without losing too much of my uniqueness -- since this person seems a lot like me, and still seems interested although I have made him a greeting card in Sharpie markers, do you think he might appreciate me as I am?

But mostly I was wondering (my common question) if it is in fact possible to have an egalitarian relationship with another person, or if I ought to just settle for what I can get ...

PS: I had not anticipated the neighbor thing. I see your point, very much so. However, I'm not so worried about it because we don't run into each other THAT often, we'll both be moving out in April, and even barring all of that, we're both pretty good at ignoring other people (or so I've been told )

 

It is very possible to have an equal relationship, and I generally think the best way to achieve that is to start as a friends and let it grow.

I also think you have to be yourself to be in a worthwile relationship. You don't want to reveal everything about you right away, its nice to maintian an element f mystique for a while, but I don't believe you shoulde ever supress part of yourself, or certainly not pretend to be different than you are.

He sounds like the type of guy who would really appreciate your quirkiness and individuality. I love your idea of making little notes or pictures, I really think its a great plan.

I loved the movie Amelie and her style, but after a while I was thinking "Go for it Amelie, PLEASE, you've had a nice lead up, NOW DO IT!!"

Thats my advice to you, a nice friendly lead up, and when it feels right, go for it on your own terms

I also don't think you should settle, but then again you shouldn't have too many expectations either. No one is ever going to be the exact person you have always dreamed of, but thats also part of the fun, and precariousness, of getting to know someone.

Just take it as it comes, if it feels ok, roll with it

 

EXCELLENT. I knew this all already ... didn't even need to post this thread

Honestly, thanks for the encouragement.

You bring up an excellent point, too, which I quoted above. I think a lot of modern relationships fail because people are trying to find the person they have always dreamed of, and no one ever lives up to expectations.
I try not to have expectations, not even that I be treated well :& -- although as of late I've been a bit less lenient about being treated poorly. Pretty much, I don't have a "person of my wildest dreams" -- because that is not fair to anyone, especially not to me.
I try to just do what feels right ... I just find myself not trusting my own feelings sometimes. :/

 

Youve made me want to listen to Modest Mouse

 

Quit over analyzing it. Enjoy the moment.

 

....and don't be so shy
take a risk, you have nothing to lose!*

 

Befriend him, enjoy his company.

If it expands into more, like a romantic relationship, awesome. If it doesn't, well, you'll have made a great new friend

 

Actually, I do ...
The first time I really took that risk, I ended up being dealt such a blow that it shook my beliefs in humankind. (He got me pregnant, then left me for another girl because "we didn't have enough chemistry.") Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but ... that SUCKED.
And the next time I took this chance with someone else, he fucked me until I needed stitches but never spoke to me again, leaving me with HPV and the cold hard rational belief that I am unworthy of any human being's love.
I'm "over" the actual traumas now, but sometimes I fail to trust myself. These were good guys -- really! -- but they did inexcusable things, so now I think EVERYONE has the potential to do these things.

So yeah ... I've had a lot of experiences, not only these but too many others to list here. I'm not your typical shallow self-conscious nineteen year old kid -- I've potentially got a lot to lose.

 

In that picture you look younger than 19, any how, think you either go too quickly to sex, or you wish to please the other person thinking/hoping it is the right one.

So in general and for this one, do not go too quickly to sex, after all a man who leaves you because of not having sex with you on the spot, does not worth that much.

 

Well, um, okay, thanks? I'm not sure if you're complimenting me or calling me a liar, but since I'm a generally happy person I'll take it as the former.
(In case it was the latter, though, I can assure you, I took that photo last week, and I'll be twenty in February.)

Anyway, I digress.

I do try to please the other person, but (at least in the past two experiences I've had) I've wanted to be with them -- and not necessarily because I think they have been "THE ONE." I don't believe there IS a "One" for me ... or for anyone. There are LOTS of "ONES", we just have to find them.
That being said, I have thought each of the past two guys were nice. Which they were. They just had VERY different ideas about sexual etiquette than I do.

Well yeah, I know that. But sometimes ... as in my last encounter ... if I want it *eventually* anyway, I'll go along with it even if the timing's not right.

And ... to run the risk of sounding like a nympho and/or a slut ... I desire sex. Not constantly, and not with just "anybody" ... but if I meet someone I like and find attractive ... I sometimes desire them. Doesn't mean I'm gonna "put out" on the first date (or the second or the third or what-have-you) -- but I do feel desire. If not for actual sex than for closeness ... I love human skin, it is such an expressive organ, and cuddling with someone is one of my favorite things to do.
The only problem is, I only cuddle with human guys (go figure) -- and they end up wanting to do more than cuddle. (That doesn't make them opportunists or users, it just makes them young and enthusiastic just like me. ) And because I don't have a problem with it, I go along with it, joyfully and willingly ... until the shame sets in the next morning ...
I'll admit, if I could sleep with someone and not feel shame (because I always feel the other person is ashamed of me!) the next day, I would. But it always seems like something odd happens ... both of the boys I wrote about above, left me because of shame.

So ... I want human closeness, I want affection, but I don't want to be used and don't want to be hurt. Guess that might be a catch-22 ... ?

 

I couldn't stand Amelie and up to this day it is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life down there with Lost in Translation. But... since this is not a movie thread, -

I think you're asking a ton of things in your thread that can be separate threads on their own. Can a relationship be egalitarian? Are you referring to platonic?

You also barely know this guy except for 1) he likes the band Modest Mouse 2) he did/does the same drugs you do/did and 3) that you're both artists. I'm not sure what you're stressing about since this is just the first couple of times you've hung out. You may find a porn stash with beastiality in his desk the next time you see him. For all you know.

If it's gonna work, it'll work. Probably the most logical thing to do is spend more time with each other. Or you'll be pining after an illusion, not what's actually there. All the best.

 

I'm sorry. I feel so stupid now.

It's really hard to communicate things over an Internet forum. I came across completely wrong, I think ...
I'm not pining over anyone, especially not a stranger who might end up being an asshole or a rapist or a cannibal for all I know. (And the drug thing was my kind of tongue-in-cheek joke.)

I guess what I am really wondering is, should I allow myself to get to know strangers? Because everyone is a stranger, really ... and even when I feel good comfortable vibes from someone, that doesn't mean they aren't going to secretly consume human flesh or something ...
But if I do try to get to know a stranger, how should I go about it?
And is it wrong for me to want company?

Again, I'm sorry. I think I answered all my own questions here. Didn't mean to waste your time.

 

...Did I say something wrong?

 

No, I think I did ...

Sometimes it feels sort of weird asking people's advice on here, because ... well, there is no way to completely communicate what anyone completely means. The feedback is slow, unlike in a real-time conversation, so it's easy to make misconceptions and miscommunications.

If it was anyone's "bad", it was mine ... I feel as though perhaps I was being too deep with something shallow ... ?

 

But why? It's not shallow to feel an attraction. I think I came across too harsh too (as I often do but don't mean). Just wait and see how it turns out though, you know? In the meantime try to focus on other things too. You ask questions other people ask themselves too like "how can we give someone the right impression or let them know we're interested?" It's tricky. No one likes to be misunderstood or placed in the "friend category". (Even this isn't concrete).

Just roll with the punches and I really hope things work out for you! If not, maybe it's okay too. Just have more time to think about the stuff you posted in your previous thread, or spend time with yourself and family and friends.

I agree about the weirdness of forums too but I treat it more like a message center or email.

 

Nah its not a movie thread but i HAVE to say i agree totally...WTF was Lost in Translation even ABOUT!? Cant believe it was so popular

 

P.s-Suncatch doesnt look younger than her years. Im 18 and have a REAL baby face. From 15-22 faces vary so much, some look very young and some very old, tis the way it goes

 

It sounds like you've met someone that has very much in common with you. That doesn't come around often, so I think that you should pursue it by going with the flow (showing interest, and reciprocating).

Now, about what you've written. I've seen this "issue" that you have peaking its head up back in another thread that you've written. Actually 2 or 3 threads back. The one about the topic of friends with benefits. I noticed that you struggled with sex and relationship failure, which left you still desiring sex (even with a friend if possible), but you also despised feeling used for sex.

Quite a sqeeze huh? Well, I just went through a short friendship with a woman here over the last two months that lives with those issues. I saw them first hand, and that is why they stuck out to me.

To anwer your question, yes, it is possible to have both at once.