myself. I know, cliched teenage sobstory. despite my greatest efforts to not be a cliche, i fail I'm charlie. I refuse to bore you to tears with my life story, because there isn't really much to tell. all I know is that I'm ill. not my body, but my mind. More than 3 times, I've tried to commit suicide, chickened out, and hated myself for it. What "it" is is open for debate, the attempt or the chickening out. I only have a way with words when I don't want to. Whenever I try to write something, the words are flat scribbles on a sheet of dead bleached trees. My music is no better. I try to make something, and it comes out repulsive. I try so very hard to do something worthwhile, but it all seems to come to naught. any attempt at a relationship winds up with either me or both heartbroken. there's still hope for this one, though... whoever is in charge of my life loves irony, because I become best friends with someone to discover that said person picked up my ex... i don't show anger, don't even feel it at first. but later, feelings of inadequacy creep in, followed by five stages, ending in acceptance. could be worse. i could go on, but I'll sum it up. I hate myself and I need advice and a place to vent, and thought this would be a good place to do it.
I truly think before you find yourself, you must find a greater spirit to guide you. Maybe thats where you are lost, you have no guidance. Maybe i'm wrong, idk but you are seeking help, so thats a good thing! Talk to George. he has an unbreakable spirit! He went through an accident, seriously hurt, and he forces himself to not take anti-depressants(sp?) Best of wishes to you finding yourself, and if you just wanna talk to someone one on one send me a PM some time, i don't mind.
Charlie! Like that kid in "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". That's a great book. You should join the community I'm forming. You see, there's hope! Everyone loves a strawberry! -Kate ps. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Plus, it would fuck up alot of people you love way more than you realize. I should know, I almost died not too long ago, and the whole world stopped for at least 100 people, most of whom I didn't even know.
Yeah, I lived there for 4 years when I was really young, and just moved from there after another 4 years living there. And I also love The Perks of Being a Wallflower... But to get back on topic...Charlie- I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I just want you to know that you're not alone, no matter how much you feel that way at times. A few months ago I was battling a horrible depression that lasted a while, and I'm still trying to get myself back together. I know it's said time and time again, but things really will get better as time passes. I can promise you that. As for your writing and music, just keep practicing. Don't force inspiration, let it come to you, and when you do feel inspired, grab that pen and paper and create something beautiful. Instead of thinking of what you hate about yourself, try to find what you love and build on it. Spend some time alone with your mind, you'll learn so much about yourself and see who you truly are. Look forward to the future, because there will be brighter days. That's pretty much all the advice I can give, and I know it was corny, but I meant every word.
