I had a dream that I was some sort of zombie killer. I went into a house that was typical horror-movie dusty, dank, and dark...to find all of my friends and family had turned into zombies. Like it or not, I had to kill them...so I started slicing their heads off to kill them. I was down to my last zombie...my ex boyfriend, John. He and I were very close...we were lovers AND best friends, which makes for the perfect relationship...and the only reason we decided to see other people was when he had moved away. Well...nonetheless, he was a zombie, so I had to kill him. I tried, but he had some kind of force field around him so the sword wasn't doing any good. So, for only God knows what reason, I decided to have sex with him one last time. He was green and only about half as mindless as the other zombies...but ugh...we went at it anyways, and then I woke up. I had sex with a 'dead' ex boyfriend. Now what tha hell does that mean?!?
I'd have to say this dream is basically telling you that you miss John, maybe worse than you'll let yourself admit, since you are not together like you were for reasons that are obviously not changeable at the moment, and not related to bad feelings or conflict. The fact of him being dead might symbolize that you are trying to bury the memory and feelings of him, in order to deal with how you feel about him being gone, with nothing to do about it, by either one of you (I assume). When someone dies, we must accept it. Maybe that's how you're dealing with this. But you miss the you that was 'you and John', besides missing him. By that I mean, how you felt when you were together. That's a big hole, similar to someone dying. You didn't want him to go, but he had to. The pain you might feel seems futile on a conscious level, it's not like you made him mad or hurt his feelings, or vice versa. So you can't fix the situation by 'making up'. There's really no place to put the feelings that come from being separated from someone with whom you have this type of companionship. I've been in similar situations, that's why I say this. Zombies are like empty things, kind of a tease, because they look like people, but you don't get the same response, and you feel betrayed by something unseen or nonexistent. The other people, whose heads you cut off, could represent the fact that all other relationships in your life seem maybe even emptier to you now, and that there's no subsitute for John's company. Cutting the heads off might mean that you refuse to even consider a comparable replacement or substitute. Even though you say 'yuk' about being with him, in the dream, did you mind he was green and zombified? How did you feel when you woke up and thought of the dream?
One more thing, I left out the force field thing. You couldn't kill him, because of that shield. Does that mean your feelings are so strong you can't kill his memory, or forget him? Do you love him? This could mean you subconsciously realize that you will have to do more than just try to forget him to resolve this!
John tried to commit suicide after he moved away, because he wanted to be here with me. I guess that ever since we lost our connection, I've been worried about him & what he has been up to...if he is doing alright, or if he's even alive. I've thought about trying to hunt him down and make sure that he is in good health and his life is going just fine without me. I'd hate to think that I was a part of the reason that he wanted to end his life. I do still love him, very very much...because the nature of our relationship was so different from any that I've ever experienced before, and he understood me as I did him. Thank you for helping me on this, it gave me a lot to think about.
