alright, [very] long story short, I've had a pretty heavy crush on this dude I've been hanging out with for about 4 months now, and about 1 week ago, he admitted to me he was bisexual. I told him I was bisexual as well, and later on that night, he asked if we could fool around. Since I've had a crush on him, of course I said yes. We did our thing, and then the next day is where my problem starts. Since that day, he's completely closed off from me. We still hang out and stuff, but he shows no interest in bringing out that bi part of him. He's insanely, insanely afraid of coming out to anyone, too. He told me that he was way into girls still, and that being with guys is a once in a rare time kind of thing. But I like fell for him HARD that night, and it's freaking KILLING me to not be able to hold him and call him mine, so to speak. I've never had to deal with someone like him, and I'm not quite sure what to do. Any advice?
Oh, yeah, this always happens. You screw around with someone who isn't comfortable with it yet and the next day they act all weird about it. I don't see how difficult it can be to just act normal, but they never do. BUT, simply with time, they go back to the way they acted before and then, all of a sudden, you're in each other's arms again. I have no doubt this will happen eventually seeing as it wasn't you who was actively seeking to fool about, but him. Next time, he won't act as weird about it afterward. I don't know what will happen after that since I don't know if he is just curious or what, but for now, just be patient and act like you always have.
Yes....it happens , and all you can do is wait it out.....let him talk about it when he feels comfortable.....and continue to be his friend......things will work out !
I've never dealt with this myself, being (pretty much) straight and all but the posters above me's thoughts seem very reasonable and logical he obviously is in a transition, and isn't confortable with this new state of being, it will take a little bit of time before he is just be really easy going, be helpful and supportive, but don't be pushy, and certainly go to him as a friend, he needs to find a state of comfort right now, all you can do is try to ease him into that
Oki, he admitted to being 'bi' and he has fooled around with you. And he is now going thru something like a buyer's remorse. It took him for a while to get his shit together and spill out his 'bi' beans...you jumped on the wagon and both of you seemed to have had some good, ole fun. He is suddenly discovering that besides being 'bi', he is so much more into girls, would be horrified, if anyone discovered that he had fooled around with another dude, etc. He is, just like yourself, most likely a very young dude. He is still going thru some kind of his own transition and exploration. All that is fine. You should be supportive and patient. And you should move on in life, too. The most important lesson in growing up is that once you do something, it is done. It is really irrevocable and being a grown up man, means you stand by your actions. We all have feel for him here. Hell, we have all been there, too. But, where does this leave you? In a limbo with a guy, who has not yet reached the level of maturity to accept the obvious and not live in denial of an obvious truth. My advice: talk to him and tell him that you matter, too. You have your feelings and your emotions and you see no reason, why should you be getting ignores, hurt, denied. Yup, you can easily live with his desire to keep the matters private. Yup, you can also live with his interest in girls, as you had known that from the very beginning, but you see no reason to be left hanging high and dry... Just my 2 cents... KD
thank you all for your input, it would seem that for the time being, I should just be patient and wait for him to come to me again. It's hard, cuz I like him so much, and even harder because we hang out every day, but I can do it. again, thank you all for the advice, I'd probably still be dwelling over the situation otherwise....
As one who has been before someone's 'first man' your experience is not uncommon. remember it's his confusion and not yours. you sound very clear; and he's the one missing out on your affection. don't hold your breath, though.
OMG ok update.....well, i did what yall said and just kind of backed off for a little bit, and just last night he came up to me and was like "I think I might be fully gay". I was like "OMG YES!!!!" dying inside, but all calm outside, and was just trying to be really helpful to him. We didn't do anything, but I'm one step closer, lol.
awwww yay! the same thing happened to me, with this girl... but it got weird because it was too honest i guess, and we both felt like we'd revealed too much of our feelings. and now she has a boyfriend, but it was still one of the best chunks of time ever. i'm happy it's working out for you though !!
yeah. sometimes, especially with something like this, that so many people have a hard time accepting, people have to come at something in steps. it's a baby steps sort of thing. patience, acceptance and goodwill tend to go a long way.
I wanna see what you guys think about this. I'll keep it as short and sweet as possible. Alright, so I met this guy named Lance through one of my other friends, and we'd hang out now and again, when my friends would need some more pot (Lance sells to them, and I'm the neighborhood taxi service >.<), and we have slowly started becoming better friends, to the point to where I can call him, and go over to his house without having to have my other friend present. Well, I was taking Lance to the store, and on the way back, he asked me if I was gay, so of course I said yes. I didn't know how he would react to it, cuz i mean, he's pretty...."gangster"? or whatever, so for all I knew he could have freaked out. But anyways, he said "That's cool, man. I'm actually bisexual. I ain't never dated a guy, but I've fooled around or whatever." So here's what I find interesting. He's known me a good couple of weeks, but it's only AFTER we told each other our sexualities, that he started being like REALLY cool to me. Like last night, I was chillin at his house, and he gave me 10 cigarettes out of his new pack, cuz I asked for one. And I keep seeing him like stare at me through my periphereal (spelling?) vision. Then, even stranger, he offered me a little tiny bag full of coke to have for free. I don't really do coke too much, so I politely refused, but the fact that he just offered it to me has my gears grinding....do y'all think he's dropping very subtle hints, or is he just opening up more to me now that we've shared something a little deeper than drug deals? sorry for it being so long........ :&
Maybe a little of both. Ide say aside from offering you things. (kinda more of a good friend sorta thing) Does he show any other signs like emotional attachedness or more looks n hints instead of just giving away things. Maybe you should just ask him about his relationship or somthing see what he hints towards.
Dude, a smart thing would be to turn off that drug thing and avoid the trouble that comes your way. Yup, I'd say, he wants a a bit more than just a platonic friendship. I do not see a fully blown gay LTR here and now but it does look like he is seeking 'a friendship with benefits'. Take care, KD
