Hi, im new to this forum. I know there a post earlier similar to this one. but i have noone to tell, and its driving me crazy! im 20 years old, and recently came out to just about all my friends, its been a process over the last year, with all my closer friends knowing first until now. where everyone knows. my thing has always been that my str8 guy friends were my friends and thats it. and thats how i always thought of them, but within the last couple of months. i have fell for one of my friends, hes straight, but somethign doesnt click with me. he does things that i just cant help but question. hes not ur typical guy, hes really hot but he thinks with his brain, not his penis. and hes told me before not to hook up with this guy because i could do better, he said "dont do it for me", and i dont know what to get from it. he calls me in the middle of the night sometimes to see what im doing, and he wants me to hang out wiht him alot. and when we hang out, we sit closer to eachother than i think we should. were not touching, but were damn close. and he'll always look at me, and tap my arms. and he even gets mad with me sometimes, in the way that i feel like were in a relationship. i feel like his b/f sometimes, and i think a part of me only wants to sleep with him(not even sexually). just in the same bed, next to each other. i cant picture doing anythign sexual with him. but im really emotionally attracted to him. i care fror him alot. i get jealous when he talks about hooking up with girls. i tell him hes better than that to keep him from doing things with them. ive even had a gay friend of mine ask me what was up between us before. and i told him nothing cause he was str8, and my gay friend said it seemed like we were more. im confused myself, if wether were just really good friends of if theres more. im not even sure about it, i cant imagine how he feels. if he feels anything at all!! what do u guys think?
I'm not particularly good at advice, but I'll give it my best shot. It could be a number of things. -He's straight and just very friendly -He's gay and not out -He's bi and not out -He's confused It might be worth talking to him about it, if you feel comfortable that it won't affect your friendship too much. You can't get him to do anything he doesn't want to, one because it's not possible and also cos he's your friend. Different people realise they're gay at different times, he might be just starting to question his sexuality and isn't sure what to do. If I were you, I wouldn't react too much at the moment because if he is straight then you'll just feel worse. It could be that he talks about hooking up with girls to throw people off the scent while he's still trying to decide. I'd just wait and see what happens if I were you, no one can ever know what the future brings...
i'm almost going through the exact same thing. i like this bi guy who is too afraid of being bi to do anything with, but I'm freakin in LOVE with him. If I were in your situation, I would wait until it was just you and him together alone, then just keep things going as they normally would, then slowly bring up the topic of homosexuality. not so much HIS sexuality, but homosexuality in general. Then, like when you two are talking about it, make a flirtatious comment like "I'm gonna rape you" or something like that, and see what he does; judge his reaction. if he laughs along, keep at it, but if he seems awkward or anything, change the topic. Just keep testing him like that, making gay comments towards him and judging his reaction thereafter. Or even, when yall are sitting really close to each other, just slowly and calmly put your hand on his leg like str8 guys do to each other a lot in a pretending way, and just see what he does. you can make it seem like a joke if you want, but you can also just give him an "I'm seriously in like with you" kind of look while you do it. All I know for sure is to not hold your breath. You'll be waiting a long time, I'm sure, so try not to like obsess over it like I did/am doing. Let him come to you, in a manner of speaking.....thats the best advice i can give right now.
I'm going through the exact same thing... When we talk, he'll reach out and touch me and what not, among other things. But I try not to get hung up on it.
. Excellent advice from Pax and happyonehit. He's right, if you sit and hold your breath you'll suffocate. But I do like happyonehit's advice about keeping it light and joking. You may try to think of a complement that's both sexy and funny. Something cute, just so that the subject isn't so damn serious. And the conversation doesn't have to take place all at once. You can drop hints so to speak. For instance, when he says Mr. x isn't good enough for you, you can agree and say, you're right he isn't half as smart as you. But since you are feeling an emotional attachment, and since that is making your relationship difficult, then you may want to say something. I have a couple of straight friends who are quite physical with me. Here's what I've come to conclude: they are touchy-feely people. Straight guys don't touch each other, or are reserved when they do. But they know its okay to touch me or even kiss on me. And it isn't always approprate for them to touch women. Sometimes when we're out together they are 'all up on me", and I feel like a mother with a kid hanging on her waist. Intemate contact between male friends shouldn't be that big of a thing. In some countries the men folk hold hands and kiss when they meet. Nothing sexual about it. If you do decide to talk to your buddy I advise that you talk about yourself. Only yourself. You're the one with the problem. It's sounds like he's quite comfortable the way things are. So, what's the real problem? That you are falling in love? He's knows you're gay, so that can't come as too much of a surprise. But it isn't the type of thing a straight boy hears everyday. If your problem is about the physical closeness, because it's making you uncomfortable, (who likes to feel they're being teased), you should talk about it making you uneasy at the moment. Not, what does he mean by that, which would imply he meant something more than the warmth of his friendship. By the way, those two friends of mine have taught me to be warmer in my encounters with all my friends and not be afraid to sit too close once and a while. .
thanks for the advice, i just dont know, because hes not the type that will get close with anyone. hes very reserved and hes so damn hard to read. hes not the most social person in the world either, hes rather more of the homebody, but he does like to go out and do things on weekend nights. he doesnt wear his heart on his sleeve but i know he has one of the biggest hearts ive ever met. hes just so damn reserved that he doesnt let alot of people in on him ya know?? i want to tell him, cause i feel like he should have a sense of this unspoken relationship that we have. but im afarid maybe he ahs no idea whats going on, but i feel like he does!! its hard to try not to get so hung up over it! i think its to late for that!
Be careful if you plan on telling him. You don't want to create a rift in the relationship. But if you have to tell you, you have to. If he understands himself, you should expect a positive response, whether that be with a stronger friendship or a romantic relationship. just be careful....
I can't add anything more really but I hope it works out for you. When I fell hard for my girl I wasn't sure if she was bi or straight, and when I (duh) saw on her myspace that she is bi (which I think I'd seen ages before when I only casually knew her, but had just forgotten bc being bi/les/gay is not shocking to me so I didn't remember it months later), I still didn't know if she was ready to take the plunge and be with a woman. I kept dropping hints and believe me she got them- but all of them were playful enough that I could back out of them and laugh if necessary. Finally she is the one who told me she had a "crush" on me... and by the end of the conversation we were so giddy LOL soo... I have sort of been in your situation and for me it couldn't have worked out better. I really don't know what to tell you but keep us posted.
I think we've all been in this situation.. it all comes down to the other person to initiate anything. You can drop hints and show your interest but more than likely if you put too much faith into it you will end up getting hurt. Good Luck.
