Sometimes I really feel like it. Like today. Last night I was all happy about having lots of kids someday. Today I don't see how I could handle even one more. Abryn's been pretty fussy today and I'm pretty sure it's because she's teething. I had a dream she got a few more teeth in. Right now she's only got the one. Last night she woke up pretty much every single hour crying, when usually she only wakes up a few times and usually not crying. I suppose a lack of good sleep probably contributes to the way I'm feeling now. Which is depressed. Earlier I really felt like squeezing Abryn really hard (and not in a good way), because she was fussy and squriming, so I had to just put her on the floor and let her cry. I don't have any help with her most of the time and I never have, not even with simple things like a ride to the store. Most of the time I have to walk there, even in the cold. But I've been handling it pretty damn well I must say. Just every few months I get a day like today where I feel like yelling at everyone and punching walls. I don't ever do anything like that, but I really feel like it. I just can't wait for Axyn to get back and help me. It will be so nice to finally have someone around who cares about her just as much as I do. I just get afraid that what if he comes home and is so used to me doing everything that it just stays that way...That will cause even more stress for me and I'll have to just leave him instead of stay and feel crazy trying to get him to become more like I want him to. aaaggggggg
*hugs* You know, I don't think the downdays of Motherhood are talked about near enough. Those days when you have those urges to do bad things, where you cry because you feel like a monster, depressed because you're feeling so alone and overwhelmed, and miserable because your baby is sick or upset and you can't seem to help her to help yourself. And you know, I know I've been there. And I'm sure most other mothers have been there as well. It's perfectly normal to have these days, even right after the days of feeling like having millions of babies (I call those SuperMomma days). The important thing to remember is that she feeds off your energy. If you're feeling miserable, so is she. And she'll just make you feel worse. So for me, acting happy even if I'm so miserable I don't want to move makes it better. Because if I act happy, Moire will be more happy and thus, lessen my burden that day. Hon, if you ever need to talk *even on the phone*, PM me. I have those days where I just want to hear another human voice and know I'm not alone. And it makes me feel so much better. And another thing, don't expect huge amounts of help with a squally baby. Even though my husband is most supportive and willing to do anything, Moire only wants momma. She takes bottles better from me, sleeps better for me, and wants hugs and kisses more from me. Daddy is more of a plaything. I'm not telling you this to bum you out. But please don't have huge expectations! It's still going to be rough! At any rate, PM me and we can talk. Our babies are the same age (just 4 days apart), so I'm sure we're going through VERY similar stuff right now! *hugs again*
