Porn sucks.

it's not old fashioned. how would you expect your girlfriend to feel if she knows you're sitting at your computer looking at OTHER naked women, thinking about them, and orgasming over it? it can be a total heartbreak.

 

There's nothing wrong with jacking off to porn, that's what makes masturbation fun, being able to look at anyone and have any fantasy running through your head, and I'm sure you've also been in his head many times when he's been going at it, dreaming up fantasies he'd be to scared to ever even mention in reality.

 

To each your own. I'm sorry to hear this and your frustration. It sucks feeling inadequate.

Personally, it's a turn on and I would encourage watching porn together. Ultimately it should come down to the both of you always, if that's how you want it. It's terrible not being made to feel completely cared for and I disagree with what he's doing if he's using porn to replace you.

However, it's rather silly to be denying him sex, stomping off and saying it's your way or the highway, isn't it?

Talk about it with him, or just leave him. Quit causing HIM heartbreak and unnecessary anguish. Sure, it is terrible to have to choose between porn or girlfriend but if it means HIM changing into a person YOU want and not what he cares for, I think he could do better and find someone who appreciates him for being him.

 

DQ veg is right...and since when did true love and attention and devotion become "old-fashioned"? Just shoot me now if they really have!

 

Can we be realistic for the rest of our lives? It's like this. And it always will be. Tell me which you prefer:

Either he watches pornography with your knowledge,
Or he watches it behind your back.
Either way, he will be watching porn.
There are a lot of women that don't mind their bf's and husbands watching porn, and actually watch it with him. It's about being secure enough with yourself to know that it is just harmless entertainment for our viewing pleasure. It all depends on how you want to look at it.
Pornography is not, I repeat, NOT, a substitute for true love, attention, and devotion. Nor is it a substitute for real sex. It complements real sex. It can be viewed as a tool to spice things up IMO. There's books on the subject. And no the bible is not one of thm. Read up.

 

I never said it was a substitute...although in many situations i guess it is, only the watcher rarely realises it...

But no, what i meant was the focus of a relationship between two people should be on eachother, not the bodies of some other people. No matter how you dress it up or how much you talk about urges or whatever

I really dont know where this idea that men MUST watch porn a lot came from

As for "hell either do it with your consent or behind your back"...what a cynical, mislead statement!

 

So your boyfriend watches porn infront of you and masterbates?

Or you just know about his collection of porn?

I have a girlfriend. She used to hate that I would occasionally watch porn. Now we watch it together. It's all about compromising. And if you can't come to a compromise, than maybe the relationship just isn't right.

 

He's nineteen. Not a "kid boyfriend"

 

First: I wasn't directing my post at you personally, but generally to the entire forum.
Second: No one said men MUST watch porn.
Third: How is the statement mislead or cynical? IT IS IN THE ORIGINAL POST!! She asked him to stop watching it, he said he would, and the next day she finds it on his computer. The statement was based on information provided and there is no reason to believe that that information is not factual.

No one is arguing where the focus of a relationship between two people should be. Because you are right. The focus should be on each other. That doesn't mean that pornography can't be on the side. There's books on the subject. Read up.

 

Agreed.

 

No, not true. If she is genuinely upset about it, then she has a right to assert that. If she can't live with it and it's screwing up the relationship (I think it's fair to say that, since she won't sleep with him until he stops and he won't stop), then the solution is, probably, and I don't mean to be blunt but I think the solution probably is... breaking up with him.

I would be very leery of him saying Okay I'll Stop. You don't really want him to stop for you. I might do the same if my girlfriend smoked, let us say. Let's just say I did. I don't want her to quit for me. And, even worse, I don't want to feel like it has become some hidden pleasure she does with her friends or when I'm not around. You see? There's no way to win, really. Except there is. You say, I can't live with this anymore, and you move on.

Or maybe you two will work it out?

 

What's not true?

 

Well you used my exact wording, i assumed the post was for my attention...

Second, if they really are his words and he claims hell either do it with her knowledge or behind her back, then hes got a serious amount of growing up to do before hes ready for the kind of relationship toolmaggot hopes for, i think.

I dont care how old he is, how old any man is...they either mature enough to understand a womans hurt and reconsider her views or theyre not

My boyfriend does not watch porn. I can say this with certainty, not only because i trust his word, but because were usually together when hes not at work! Busy looking at eachother...and to be honest i really dont think he has that big an interest. Now what gets me is this whole "oh come on all young men watch porn" or "its just nature" stance some people take...because it is untrue. And thats reality, not idealism

 

P.s-he did however watch it when he was single. After hed broken with his ex and before he got with me. Because, as someone said, he had no other outlet...THIS i find natural. But when a man has a REAL LIFE 3D BREATHING YOUNG WOMAN who hes supposedly in love with on the scene, things change. The need has passed

 

Verseau_miracle
-You just said that your bf did watch porn after he broke up with his ex and before he got with you.
-You said that you know he doesn't watch it now because he spends every moment with you. Well it would be kind of silly for him to watch porn when he has a real life woman by his side.
-What if for some reason you didn't get to see him as much? What if you were only able to see each other once a week? Would you have a problem with him watching porn during the week when you weren't around?

This much is plain and simple, if one person in a relationship watches porn, and the other person has a problem with it, then there is a problem with the relationship. That problem will either be resolved, or the relationship will begin to crumble. If it is to be resolved, then it is because the person watching porn agrees to give it up WILLINGLY, or the other person agrees to accept the viewing of porn WILLINGLY.

Your premises on reality and idealism are subjective to say the least. Not all men watch porn, this is true. But a lot of them do. This is also true. You just said your bf watches porn. A lot of women watch porn as well. A lot of couples watch porn together. My gf and I watch it together. The reason why we have such a great sex life is not because we watch porn, but we are comfortable and honest with eachother, and we are secure enough with ourselves that pretty much anything goes.

your quote:
I dont care how old he is, how old any man is...they either mature enough to understand a womans hurt and reconsider her views or theyre not

Well it can also be argued that no matter how old any woman is, she is either mature enough to understand that she has nothing to be hurt about and reconsider, or she is not.
Neither one of these arguments work however, because they are far to subjective to be applied to all relationships in general. To each his/her own. Toolmaggot will either accept that her bf watches porn, or her bf will stop watching it for her sake willingly, or resentment will start to settle in, and the relationship will decay, In my opinion.

 

ehh...you may disagree, but 19 is a "kid," especially for guys...

 

Uh, ok so you are able to cite 1 single example of a guy who you dont think watches porn...

I think most people here are making far too big a deal of this...most guys don't watch porn to be selfish or to really check out other girls...its just a way to get off quickly...

You say yourself your boy has no interest in porn..so citing him as an example is irrelevant..

 

Fuck him every day. Maybe twice a day. He might delete the porn then.

 

Most proffesional porn does suck. I can certainly agree with that. It is too fake most of the time. Once in a while a proffesional flick or picture is actually good. Homemade porn is wonderful.

I'd prefer to watch porn once in a while with my lover. In some relationships, watching porn alone creates problems, but not in all of them.

 

if he knows it bothers you, he should stop.

or at least find a way to compromise

he's a dickhead, lose him