Twas the night before Christmas Not feeling too mellow My hairs turning grey And my teeth they are yellow I checked round the house But my stash spots were bare Not a bud nor a seed Could be found anywhere I looked at my watch But the battery was dead I had to find something To fix up my head I thought to myself Life's joy is just gone When I heard a loud noise Out front on the lawn A horrible noise Crash bang screech and pops I looked out the window Oh shit it's the cops When out jumped old Larry Who had been at the bar He rushed in a yelling "I stole a cop car" And threw down a baggie On my favorite chair Of green bud all covered With bright purple hair Then laughing he said "It was there in their trunk 20 pounds of good weed It's the kind man it's skunk" Jumping into the car Then off like a shot "They ain't gonna catch me Gotta fly man I'm hot" Then I got out my plate Cleaned a big pile of green It was pure Sensimilla Not a seed could be seen I rolled up a spleef The size of a car Well not really that big More like a cigar I fired that fatty Up lickity split That shit was so gooey It wouldn't stay lit With a whole change of heart Now I'm sitting here mellow My teeth are now ivory Instead of yuk yellow And my hair that was grey Just an hour ago Is a beautiful silver With streaks white as snow Of course Larry got caught Cause crime doesn't pay But the good news my friend Is he did just one day I sold all his weed But he hasn't a grudge I used all the money To buy off the judge This high Christmas story I swear that it's true Now I never let holidays Get me feeling blue So if you feel down And not very merry You might get a visit From Crazy old Larry The moral of this tale You knew there'd be one Is…is… Oh damn I can't think of anything that rhymes with one "Hey Larry pass me that bong! Where's my damn lighter This shit keeps going out……" Wishing everyone a decidedly un-angry Holiday Season!
