Does anyone think nescafe would buy this as a scenario for an advert? Pete liked the feeling as he wrapped himself in a bathrobe. the steam wafting off his skin. he leant over to pull out the plug and drain the water out of the bath. then flips round and wops out the old chap to drain his bladder into the bog he suddenly had a random thought "should I masturbate"? he was mr pete moral, today at least, and decided he should not do it the water drained as he put the kettle on for a cup of morning coffee. The thought occurred "should I just knock one off quick"? he smiled to himself, "coffee or cock? whats the greatest need"? 10 seconds later he was out of the bathrtobe and with one finger up the brown bullet hole he imagined he was in a gay porno film where a woman tried to seduce him away from a man he jacked to a thousand cumshots he had stored in his brain shot his load and dawdled back to his action packed life into the kitchen to wash his hands The coffee was a much less frenetic experience sip - thinking of gaugans masterpieces- sip - wonder whethere I should buy the new oasis album? sip - fancy another wank? Nescafe - better than all other coffees but not as good as a wank
It's a damnright honest way of looking at life. (BTW damnright is a word that came into my head and doesn't as such exist in a dictionary. I was thinking with an American accent. John Wayne). I think it would make a very controversial advert and if Nescafe was owned by Beneton they would probably make it. I'm trying to picture who they could use to make the advert and this is a shortlist of entertainers who have continuously shown that they have the prime requisite to qualify as experts in the advert mentioned above: Cannon and Ball Little and Large Dennis Waterman Terry Wogan Ringo Starr Keith Harris Harry Enfield Jim Bowen Ted Rogers (or Dead Rogers, I'm not sure) Noel Edmonds Anthea Turner Mystic Meg Any more?
Who am I thinking of here - they were presenters on kids tv then they presented "I'm a celebrity get me out of here" A pair of tits, tight arsed, with a half bald twat I just cant think of their names couple o wanky geezers
Sometimes if you hang on till Xmas eve you can grab a bargain for foodstuff from the good stores. I got a big hamper from Mark's for £15. The original price was £25 and there was some good stuff in it. So, anyway, since we are doing adverts here's my one for Marks's. Bear in mind that the once trimphant upmarket-supermarket chain has been suffering from a popularity slump and has only recently been striving to make it back into the corporate world of greed using revamped marketing images of menopausal models and the usual delusions of the middle classes that they are something special in this world and that life is a James Bond movie. Yes, those of you who know what I'm like will have a clue where I'm heading with this, as I present... Marxist & Suspenders Da Komrad! Velkom to ze NEW image superstore for the population! Ve are the People's Socialist Republik of Munch-Munch und Stockings, da? No longer do ve serve ze Kapitalist Pig ideals of making our pockets deeper und our stomachs wider. As Britain turns into one big Airport, join us in our celebration as the Nanny state turns into a totalitarian government. Rejoice this Christmas as we try to tell you as little as possible about things like ID cards, which will have every bit of private detail about you including medical/genetic information for all and sundry to see. Oh, do not vorry. It's for security reasons in case the Martians invade, da? Celebrate as we make a two thirds of our dictionary redundant for our new language: doublespeak. Doublegood!!!! No more word pumping! It degenerates society! IngSoc finds it unacceptable! Doublebad!!!! So, wear your IngSoc armband, plead your legience to the State Party, und kom down to the store to queue up 5 days for a potato. Remember: sex is a crime, und Big Brother is Vatching you! Spaciba, baby!
Zat is gut mein heir, if onli zey vuld tell ze troose at sainsburys and haf ze svastika flying in zeir advertens about where zey get zee food from it vuld be totali bileevible az it iz I cannot votch ze utter bullshit of seeing happy south american farmers gladly cohorting viz ze fat capitalist pig zat is exploiting zem I am sinking zat ze sainsbury group and tesko are ze fat capitalist pigz and as such shuld totali ally zeir simpathies viz ze united neo nazi advertizing company Heil Sainsbury ! Heil Tesco Heil Marxist suspenders! Do you sink my new lezzer boots go vell viz ziss plastic raincoat and my new pink thong?
It is true. Hitler's ideals continue to thrive in an evil food conspiracy. Hitler: I want to create a nation of supermen! Tesco/Sainsbury/Marx and Suspenders: We want to create a nation of supermarkets! I blame Nietzche, but the'v got us by the balls and fannies, because what's the one thing that we all need? Food!
