Why is it wrong for me to mention my girlfriend?

I'm annoyed and I want to vent. So... here goes.


I am on many forums and I don't hide my sexuality on any of them. I also do not flaunt it. I do to a point on Hip because I know nobody has a problem with it- and it's so refreshing!

However, on my other boards with the VERY rare exception, I never mention being gay or bi. I do, however, mention my girlfriend in passing time to time, just as most people mention their spouses or partners. Example... "Here's some pictures we took today... left to right is me, my girlfriend, and our two dogs" or whatever. Stuff like that. Or "Christmas great, except being away from my partner. I really miss her, but I have plenty to be thankful for" and similar...

So, somebody on one of these other forums made a comment "OK we GET it now, you're gay" and you know, it really ticked me off. I know it's just a little thing, and she's widely known as a bitch. But even so... why is it still unreasonable for me to mention in casual passing the LOVE OF MY LIFE in a totally normal conversational way? Am I supposed to pretend she doesn't exist, lie about her gender, or constantly refer to her as "my partner" and "they" (which is both bad grammar AND annoying!) so as not to seem to be "flaunting" my gayness??

BAH Rant over

 

I toooootally understand your frustration. That's kind of ridiculous - if anyone said that to me in person, I'd fadunk* them. (Not really)




*fadunk = a light slap in the face with one's cock to reassure someone that he/she is one's bitch.

 

Baby.....That happens to me all the time....probsbly the same person.....Ive gotten to the point that I just ignore them....and , hey , maybe shes just jealous , because she doesnt have the guts to leave the closet !!!!

 

Starlite I fucking love your sig it makes me want to dance on a table.

Anyway yeah, its such a nuissance...one of my friends sorta thought like that during the first several months after I came out to him, but he grew out of it. To some people gay relationships are like flashing neon lights + sirens, so when they seem them several times they feel like they've seen it a million. Sigh!

 

Let's dance on the tables!!!!



Thanks for all the replies. I had a long one typed out but got booted, grrrr

 

don't even worry about bitches like her, starlite. if they're worried about you talking about someone you love, that's their problem, not yours. They don't have to read your gay posts if they don't want to, so they can go suck one. At least, that's my p.o.v.

 

Woohoo! I think that's a good POV lol

 

i deal with that all the time and any time i am around my bible thumping radicalist family i have to do that

 

I've found that some people will just start a fight or make comments online because IRL they don't have the guts.

Also if I my suggest drop the term "my partner" you seldom hear it in the hetro world. Say my "girlfriend" or if the relationship is such "my wife". To me at least gay relationships are the same as any other and IMO the only way to get everyone into that line of thinking is to stop using terms that send a message of there being a difference somehow.

I'm not sure if that makes sense.

 

No it does! I use it to avoid saying my girlfriend around these assholes but I guess in reality you're right!!! Screw 'em BUT the term partner is more common in the UK (where I lived for two years) for all relationships.

 

i just want to say i'm jealous

so maybe they are too.
hate is fear and fear is ignorance.

 

OK I've been meaning to coment on this for a while, why are you going into victim mode here because of someone elses homophobia, why are you saying 'that is unreasonable of YOU' why are you saying 'Am I supposed to pretend she doesn't exist'?

My guess is that you are on a straight forum when this comment was made, you have a lot of postive options for dealing with this, however you playing the victim is not going to help other people be more understanding towards same sex attraction.

First of all have you challenged her? ask her what exactly she means by her comment, say to her that you feel she has made a judgement towards you and you find it offensive.

you never know she may apologise, if she doesn't then report it.
after this have a think about what action the forum took, is it good enough for you?
if they took little or no action then think about wether you want to stay on a forum that supports anti gay comments by not responding.

this is her problem, not yours, we are doing nothing wrong by having same sex relationships, it about time people realised that if they make negative comments then we will take action

so stop asking if your being unresonable and put the problem back where it belongs, with her
S

 

Oh I KNOW it isn't wrong of me... I was pissed and that was a sarcastic rant

Nothing was done... I simply responded to her saying somthing kind of sarcy and not at ALL apologetic. I didn't ask for anything to be done, though. I got some cool favorable comments from other members on another thread- there is good to balance the bad!

 

well keep an eye on it and if she carrys on making comments, have a think about how you are going to respond
S

 

Yeah if she does it again/gets worse I'd probably PM her very politely. Conflict/aggression isn't the name of my game- she can think what she wants, but she's being a bigot publically.

 

This is great advice, and I can see now why you were picked to moderate the forum. You have given me something to ponder today. Thank you.

I know somebody is going to be all up on me for saying this, but truth be told. Before we had a moderator for this forum, samhain, if I had followed this advice I wouldn't be here. As a matter of fact, I took a long hiatus as it was.

I belong to several forums and lists. I am a moderator on three.
Most of these forums are straight, or rather, have nothing to do about sexuality. So, I never mention my personal life and I'm a bit offended when the straight folks do. Even if causally. (as a moderator, I ignore it, of course.) The forums I've joined are mostly technical, and I only belong to gay or gay friendly Social Forums.

However, there was a sideways homophobic comment made at a computer help forum once. I didn't comment on it. I PM'd the moderator and said that the post was offensive. He agreed and banned that user. I also belong to a craft forum, where I am listed as a woman. Well, because after reading that most of the posts started with "Hey girls," and "Ladies", I realized that it was a forum 'mostly' for women. Nobody there knows I am a man, and why should they? You know, since I've belonged there 5 years, several users identified as men have joined, but quickly gone. The Moderater/Owner is born-again (her tag is "Mom",) but wisely will not allow any kind of political commentary. We only talk about our crafting, me and the other girls.

When you come out in a straight forum (even in casual reference,) you are inviting commentary. I do encourage you to come out at those forums if you wish to. But when you do, the response will be mixed. Like samhain points out, this is an opportunity to educate. No, you may not change a bigot, but your reaction will be read by others.

I have given responses to posts at the Hip Forums which may seem condescending to the person who posted the Topic. What they didn't realize is that I had written that post knowing there are 13 year old kids reading these pages. So, while the opinion I offer might be old news to a 21 year old, it can be eye opening to a young teen.

Now, lastly I am glad you feel safe enough to come to this forum to blow off some hot air. I only wish I had that kind of courage!
(te he he)
.

 

hipunk I don't know wether I have read your last post correctly but I don't know wether I would class someone who mentions their same sex partner casually in conversation, as the original poster did as 'coming out' if straight people on the forums can mention their partner then we should be able to as well.
most people if the word 'partner' is used, unless gay themselves or involued in the gay community tend to presume that the person is straight, so a mention of 'my girlfriend' or 'my boyfriend' never does any harm in reminding people that not everyone is in a majority group.

on forums we have to ask ourselves why are we mentioning our sexuality, if its to do with the forum subject matter or a causual mention because its linked with the topic then fine, however unless it a sexual forum, its questionable how appropaite it is to make sexual statements or make an issue of ones sexuality(hipunk, I think you mentioned something like this?)
I.E in a craft forum do people really need to know wether I am gay or straight and what purpose would it make, me bringing it up?
S

 

let me compare this to the hip forums, its ok someone being a bigot its not against the rules because it is free speech.
however if someone brings homophobia into a gay area, like in here then we have a problem and it will be dealt with.
if a person is a bigot and they are attacking someone as opposed to generally attacking a way of life then that is against the rules.
in other words on the hip forums, you can report someone if they are attacking you, but not just because they are being homophobic.
the fact that in most places on the hip forums if someone is homophobic they usually have about 5 or 6 people teling the person what they think pleases me no end!
S

 

.
Samhain, we do concur, but I maybe have a more convoluted way of saying it.

We should be "allowed" to mention our lovers, just like straight folks and not get attitude for it. But the world don't work that way.

I don't go to straight chat rooms or social areas like eBays FrontPorch Forum. But if I did, I wouldn't be shy about mentioning I'm gay, or mentioning my love. And I would expect folks to balk at it, because some still do.

And I don't mention that I'm gay when I give advice at web design forums, because I don't want my message to be diluted. I want my message to be about HTML markup, not Gay HTML markup.

But, I do know some Gay HTML:

<bitchyness>
I loove your brooch honey, who'd you have to blow to get it?
</bitchyness>

<fabulousness>
you go girl!
</fabulousness>
.

 

Hmm, well I as annoyed and I came here to express it and it made me feel better

My forum is about the breed of dog we all own! NOT a sex forum, but we are a small and fairly close group- we have bonded togeher to save the lives of rescue dogs, and we do talk about our lives- NOT just our dogs.

While I would think anything sexual would be innappropriate, I do not think it is inapprop for me to mention "her" any more than it is for me to mention I don't boil lobsters alive because I am Vegan (another discussion we've had on the dog forum and which went just fine).

I don't go there to tell the planet I'm gay or anything else, but sure, when you're part of a closeknit community of friends for a long time, you might just mention the love of your life, your room-mate, your kids, your mom, or whomever, you know?