Parents beating their Gay child

Soo, my best friend that I've known since forever. Came out to me when he was 12, same time I was came out that I was Bi.
I told my mom when I was 13.
Then when my mom didn't take it so bad, he decided to tell him mom about it. Well after wards, his father divorced his mom because he was disgusted of his son. But not after beating him, for the first time, and putting him in the hospital with 2 broken ribs & a broken arm & hand.
Now for some stupid reason he wouldn't tell the doctors what happened and he told me to keep my mouth shut. I was furious.
So then his mom told the school he had Cancer and had him homeschool himself. Which he still does until now. She also would not allow his TWIN brother who is STRAIGHT be around him anymore. They hate each other now. She always insults him and beats him. So then he'd start sneaking out at night and having sex with random blokes he meets. He got into drugs. He was just really going downhill and he was only 14.
So this summer, his family moved away to the states (I'm in Canada). He left with an eating disorder because he's always ridiculed at home. He tells me he's better now, with his eating, & that he hasn't done drugs since he moved.
He's now 17 & his mother still beats him. His weight is barely over 100lbs, and he didn't get anything this christmas.
I asked him is he wanted me to send him anything for christmas and he said "No it's fine, you don't have too. This is the only time my brother & mom are a little bit nice to me, so that's all I need for christmas" Can you tell me why someone as sweet & loving as he is deserves such a life?
Hopefully when he turns 18, he'd have saved enough money to come back here & live with me. He knows he's more than welcome.
But I'm just really worried about him, I don't know what to do & I was wondering if anyone has been through something like this & is there's any advice I can give him?

 

thats a terrible story, unfortunatly parents don't really need an excuse to abuse their children and many do so on many levels.
the other unfortunate thing is many children don't want to be taken away from there abusers because even though its terrible thats often the only love they know.
try and encourage him to seek some kind of support, do they have anything like 'childline' (where children who are being abused can ring up?) in the states.
it also sounds like your a great friend, just be there for him, as you are already doing
S

 

He said he doesn't want to go anywhere for support because he's been in & out of hospitals because of his eating disorder & he says he feels unconfortable.
The only thing I can really do is keep checking up on him and telling him how much I care & to hang in there. & of course give him a home after his mom'll most likely kick him out once he's 18. I'm also encouraging him to keep doing the home school so we can go to college together. He's keeping up so far. Thank goodness.

 

the other advice is that you should tell him often 'that his parents are in the wrong here and he has done nothing wrong or anything to be ashamed of'
S

 

He needs to call the police, and i don't care who the fuck these people think they are for beating him. there's my piece of advice, and if my parents try to pull some shit like that, i'll screw them over.

 

I know that but it depends on the kind of person you are also. I've told him thousands of time to call someone, but he just won't do it.
What people don't get is that he doesn't feel he deserves any help. How am I supposed to tell him to get help if he doesn't want it or think he needs it?
It's easy to say that when you're just hearing about it, but knowing what he goes through and being in his place it's so much more harder.
He doesn't want to be taken away from home, to him; if his mother isn't treating him right, than why would anyone else treat him any better?
I really try to make him understand but all I can do is just encourage him and tell him to hang in there cause it's not that much longer before he can brake free & be happy.
What really gets me thinking though, is how he's going to be after he's out of the house & away from his family. I really hope he can have a functual & happy relationship with someone one day. But right now, I don't think he even thinks he'd be anything close to being happy with someone else.
The only person he says he has is me. That's why I'm here. I want to know what I can do for him when he comes to live with me. I want him to get better. But I just don't know what else to do.

 

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I know it is only words on the screen, but I can't help but keep the tears from my eyes. The broken ribs. (I didn't go to the hospital) the shame and the need to keep quiet. The father did more than break his bones, because that probably wasn't his intention, he broke the boys will. How can he trust a person in authority again?

And the mom was upset by the level of brutality? (at least it wasn't directed at her) but she wasn't upset by the reason for it. She divoriced the SOB, and she blames the kid? What they do to us- it's a shame.

Now he doesn't want to make waves, and he doesn't want to eat, and if he's like I was, he wants to be so small that he disappears. A shadow, a glimpse, a dot, nothing.

No, he doesn't deserve the treatment his family gives him. No kid does.

His only relief now is what? If he can still sneak out of the house, get high, fuck a stranger. Does the mom let him do it so that she can punish him later? That type of environment destroys anyone, it is destroying him. I can't imagine how he could save enough money to get away, even if he had a job. He has no control of his environment and no way to take control and he's afraid to live in an environment where he does have control. The monster you know is always more appealing than the monster you can only imagine.

You're name says you are 16, but you say you hope he saves enough money in a year for him to live with you. Are you living on your own? Is it possible that your folks would take him in now. It is always a burden to take in an abused teen. However, if your folks know him, perhaps they can send him a ticket, to visit. If he stays okay, so what's the problem with that. He sneaks out and hops on a bus, he doesn't even have to pack a bag. They have on-line tickets you can buy on the internet. I doubt his mom has the facilities to find out where he went or contest it if she knew.

In the U.S. we have a General Equivalency Test for high school, for kids who are home schooled or drop out. He could study for the test, then come back to the states to take it. There are mail order materials for that. If he was born in Canada, he would be able to claim Canadian citizenship at 18, but still take the same kind of test there, I am assuming that Canada has the same sort of thing.

If there is any way to get him out of THAT situation now, I would do it for him -if I had to lie, cheat or steal. But you may not have those resources. In that case it's almost more painful to know about the abuse and be helpless to do anything. I am sorry for you, too.

Even if you can't get him out now, you have to remember that one friend is really all that anyone needs. It is a burden for you now to be that friend, but I feel like this boy will repay you. You know, he has a well of love he has never been able to share with his family. And that's sad too; but you seem like a mensch; and your love can guide his, like a drop of water primes a well to bring up the gallons that lurk below.
.

 

God , ........I want to take that poor Baby out of That house myself.........I swear to God , people should have to go to school and be certified before they are allowed to have children!!!!!!
I hurt so bad for the boy , and I pray to the gods he will survive with enough sanity intact to be able to ask for help , and accept it , when he feels safe enough.

 

I think he should be pulled out of there whether he likes it or not, for his own safety.
Once he recovers from his pain he'll see that it was the right move.

I can't think of any other way because he doesn't want help and you don't want to break his trust by calling people who can help...This world is very farcical indeed, sometimes to the point where I'd destroy it given the chance just to end the utter idiocy that people produce every day.

 

well im telling you to be a friend to him, get him help, and i dont care if he wants it or not, its up to you to decide if what youre doing is really being a friend and just let him be, taking all the abuse, or you can get him the help he needs and deserves regardless of what he says.

 

Like others who've posted here, I wish I could take him out of that house myself and show him some love. How could any parent hurt their own child that way?? I just can't comprehend it, I don't even spank my son, for the simple fact that I believe it teaches kids that hitting is acceptable, and it just is not. My parents never knew I was bi, I didn't really either until the past year or so, and I'm 37, but I can't imagine they would react in that way (although, in our society, female bi is more acceptable than male bi or gay, what the hell is that about, but that's another topic).


Do whatever you can to get him out of that situation. It's not a home for him, it's a prison, and the warden is abusing her authority. I'm praying for him, and you. Blessings to you both.

 

I really wish I could do something, or call someone up, or I don't know, but if i do, I won't be there with him when he's taken away from his home & he's alone. I'm just really confused right now.
My parents know him & are going to allow him to stay with me when he's 18.
& Thanks for all your blessings & advice.

 

This kid deserves love. The house he lives in is not a home. Like everyone else, I want to take him out of there. No human being deserves that, no matter who they are. Abuse is unacceptable and I would anonymously call DYFS and tell them about what's happening.

Hopefully he soon realizes that he can't live like this. He's worth so much more than this. He deserves a home where he's loved and not beaten up just because he's gay and being blamed for a divorce. News flash: a child's sexuality does not give the green light for parents to blame them for their problems. I can't believe his father would beat him like that and leave the family just because his son felt confident that his family would be okay with his being gay.

I hope that he knows how much you really care about him. I can tell you always let him know how much you care and that he's worth much more than he thinks. I pray that he doesn't fall back into drugs and promiscuity to dull the pain of home.

It isn't right. He deserves a life of his own where he doesn't feel like he's shit to his own family. You're his true friend and as long as he knows that, he should be okay in the end. At least, I pray that he is.

 

I've copied this thread over to this forum as well as it being in the 'gay' forum, as I thought it would benifit from the responses it would get here as well
S

 

He lives in the States now right? Well I do not know for sure because he is from Canada but He could always get himself emansipated at 17 which qualifies him as and adult early and gives him the right to leave. Then he could come to live woth you early. My friend did this at 16 because her mom was an abusive witch.
I feel so bad for this kid if he was close I would take him in just to get him out of that situation and show him what is like to be a child that has a loving home and RESPECT for his sexuality. If I could I would give his dad a fose of his own medicine so he knows what it felt like but I would probably go to far out of rage for the situation.
I realized back in 04 that I was bi and my hubby knows and is fine with that. He wasn't sure about it at first thought it ment I would be done with him and off with another woman, once he figured out that wasn't the case he was fine with it. My neice also told us she was bi and we are fully supportive that is the way it should be no other way. This poor boy he truely needs help.
I am glad you are there for him but I'm BEGGING you please try to get him to get out of there.
His dad in my eyes is a worthless SOB and his mother does not rank any higher. People like that should not be allowed to have children.
My prayers are with you and your friend that you remain strong for him and that he will be empowered to get out and grow above his raising.

 

But what if that doesn't work? What if it just makes more trouble for him at home?
Also, it is NOT my fault that this is happening to him, I've told him time after time to call someone or go somewhere & get help but he refuses.
I am not going too do something that'll just make him more confused & depressed with his life.
I'm not in control of him & I will never do something against his will. I'm his friend & I need to be there for him & love him & care for him when everything goes to hell. I won't do something without him knowing & him ending up killing himself.
At least he has a roof over his head right now. But if he's out alone, I'm afraid he'd run away & end up in a worse situation.
It's easy just reading this, but it's harder having to deal with it.
Thanks anyways

 

My best friend in HS had a similar story. Fortunately, his mom never beat him. But I think she knew he was gay before he came out to her. She would always say things whenever someone mentioned a gay person. Like "well if one of my kids ever decided(?) to be gay, I'd send them to one of those schools where they straighen kids out." Obviously made coming out very difficult for him. It was a very tense living situation until he left for college. We live in a very small town and he went to school in a bigger city, and that did him a world of good. Once he was away from his mom's ignorance and intolerance, he just blossomed. He finally felt free to be himself all the time. I'm sorry I can't gie more advice pertaining to while he still has to live at home. But hopefully this helped a little bit. Either way I'm sending you both huge cosmic hugs. My friend told me that the support of his friends was what got him through it. You are doing the best thing you possibly could for him by being such a good friend and letting him know that you're there when he needs you.