Beneath the laughter, is a restless mind. What people failed to see is a heart aching for it was masked by a fraud smile. As I slipped out of the room, I want to congratulate myself for being the greatest pretender I have known. On second thought, I still wouldn't be worthy to be considered a pretender for I could have fooled everyone.. everyone but myself. I was damned. I knew that any minute my tears will flow because I have been holding it back since reality crashed me. It was the worst feeling in the world and I couldn't think of anything than the urge to get out of the building as fast as I can. I had to go down from the third floor, but walking my way out of the building seems like eternity. Every step seems like an hour to make for my mind is filled with endless thoughts. Then I began to think, "what's new anyway?" This have been my life for the past year, I have been a pretender, a deceiver. As my friend said I have been hiding my feelings for a year so for sure I can hold back my tears until I get home. That I doubted. It was so sad that I had to walk alone; it felt like my longest journey to home. As I walked to the street, I gazed up and saw the dimness of the sky. I prayed that it would rain hard so I can finally free myself. In my mind I silently challenged the rain to pour as hard as it could, then I would let my tears flow with the raindrops that will run in my cheeks. But it didn’t happen. So I had to continue wearing my poker face that conceals my sentiment. When I finally sat in the jeepney I let out a loud sigh, wishing that doing so could make me feel better. There were many things that were running in my head all at the same time. I tried to think straight and asked myself, “what is my problem in the first place?!” My brain said I was upset because I’m tired of pretending I’m okay when actually inside I’m dying. But my heart argued. And Heck! Who am I fooling!? My heart was screaming for it was broken and shattered. I wanted to grimace in pain because the reality that I thought I already accepted, hit me right in front of my face. And it left me lying flat on the ground. All the while I thought I was ready and prepared for I have built a wall to protect me in moments like this. It turned out that the bricks I used weren’t as strong as I thought. Or did I just fool myself that all the while I am in conformity with the reality. As I struggled to rise from a bad fall, I felt that my eyes were clouded with tears on the brink of falling. I faked that I was sleepy so I closed my eyes and at the same time I took the opportunity to wipe the tears that I failed to fight. With my eyes shut I concentrated and listened to the sound of the rain outside. I remembered that I don’t have an umbrella but I couldn’t care less. For a moment I want to get out of the vehicle and drown my sorrow in the rain. But my sanity kept me sitting still, I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the window. At that instant the only thing I was sure of was the long night ahead of me. __________________ Australian Job Listing
Thanks. Its based on my experience, but I'm curious what song was are you referring to? __________________ Australian Job Listing
