We tend to attarct those that have like problems or that are assholes,especially if we ourselves are suffering with our own issues/deamons that tend to laps our judgement by giving ourselves the belief that if we can help them we might be able to help ourselves.
Suncatch - looking at this thread and the one you posted on codependancy, I think I understand. Your feeings of a lack of self-worth, probably instilled by your parent(s) caused your basic feelings of lack of trust in others and possibly low self esteem. But you seem stronger than that, and able to overcome your problems by your feistiness and spirit. Three years ago, my wife of many years (who was an alchoholic who resisted rehab) died unexpectedly in my arms. I took this event as a challenge to give me a rebirth - a new direction in life, and it worked, after a period of mourning. You can do the same.
Yeah, I know I can get over it. That's not the point. Neither is how I got this way, although I try to explain it for clarification purposes. (That's what I hate about modern psychiatry. A psychiatrist would look at me, say, "Oh, your parents fucked you up" and then ignore everything else about the situation ... including how to solve it practically.)
I don't think a psychiatrist would only say that you are the way you are because your parents screwed you up, and just leave it at that. A good psychiatrist would offer suggestiions as to how to make your life better and overcome your past. My Chinese girlfriend has a saying that when something bad happens, it "was meant to be". She means that what happened happened, so deal with it and move on with your life. I think I have adopted that philosophy, certainly regarding my wife's death, and I have moved on. You can do it too.
You say you are learning from your experiences. You say you want to learn how to not screw up. And you're not doing more because you're afraid of screwing up yet again. Is that about it in a nutshell? People don't often learn from others' mistakes. But you can't stop living because you're afraid of hurting/being hurt. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE takes a chance of hurting and being hurt in a relationship. Each time, you learn more. You sound as if you're a fairly self-aware person. You examine your actions and motives. So long as you're not lying to yourself, then you're already aware of the behavior you want to avoid. So why not go on and keep trying? People survive. So can you. I wish I could give you some specifics, but when I'm not working from specifics as far as the problem's concerned, there's not much more to be done. And BTW, that you're even concerned is a healthy sign. You're getting better, you simply may not realize it yet.
I've been aware the whole time. So can you say I've never actually been sick ... ? And I never said I had stopped trying! I said I was still trying but afraid to fail. READ.
Everybody fucks up. Don't be so scarred to fuck up. After all if you never fuck up you will never learn anything. It's all my fuck-ups and the lessoned learned that have allowed me to be happy and secure.
I totally disagree. She thinks she is ugly! I have actually called her out on her lack of self-awareness.
Suncatch - you say you want to know how to resolve your problems. I have suggested you: 1) move out of Pittsburgh and get a new life; 2) get a different type of boyfriend; 3) get a better psychiatrist; 4) just decide mentally to move on and start over. You don't seem to want to do any of these things. I can't think of any other options, other than continuing to wallow in self-pity.