I know I don't have all the answers but I very rarely ask for L&S advice.. I like to think I understand/know how to please my partners pretty well but there's something on my mind.. I've been having sex with someone, and up until this point it has been strictly sex and NO strings attached.. Our little sex fest has been great because we're both free to do what/whom we please and no one has any complaints.. On a day he's not with me and he's with someone else, that's fine.. I had no emotions involved *but* I'm starting to notice he has a lot of qualities as an individual that I would look for in a mate if I were wanting a serious relationship.. *grr* Btw, I know this man from HS, so he's not some random guy I picked up off the street. I don't want/need an actual settle down type of relationship right now but I'm starting to develop this thing called "feelings".. I'm finding myself thinking about him more than I would like to be.. It's funny to me because I was the one who showed up at his place, offered up sex, and left.. A one night stand (which is unusual for me) would have been fine but he ended up calling me therefore we've been seeing each other every week.. When I left his place the first time we were both fully aware it was just sex. How does one keep their feelings in check? I've never had a problem with this before so it's new to me.. There's something about this man that drives me absolutely fucking crazy.. The sex is great, we have good chemistry, but if it were to get out of hand I'd probably pull away from him but I'm hoping I can get over this little hump so that him and I can continue seeing one another.
simply ignore theese domestic impulses ....some would tell you they are natural , but in fact they have been inculcated by a monster machiene of commerce n consumerism . designed to shoehorn peeps into nuclear families ....so as they wont form coops n collectives n comunities . they are easier fleeced in lil family groopings ....and its so emotionaly crippeling to live isolated with one other fool your dazed when your pocket is picked .
Are you sure you want to keep those feelings in check? Is there something so wrong with letting this turn into a real relationship? That said... focus on things about him that piss you off, to balance out the niceties that you like.
I say tell him how you feel and ask him how he honestly feels about you. One of three things is going to happen. He is either going to say that he feels the same way and means it ( in which case the two of you will start a real relationship ), he is going to tell you he is sorry I don't share those feelings and mean it ( in which case you cease to have sex with him because otherwise you are only playing yourself ), or he is going to tell you what you want to hear so he can continue having sex with you ( and if this happens there should be some red flags that tell you he isn't worth the effort and you cease to have sex with him). Trying to keep your feelings in check can make you sick, mentally and physically. It's not the best thing to do. You should be honest with yourself and with your partner. You may not get what you want by doing this, but you'll be in the situation that you need to be in to get on with your life. Good luck.
Yeah, first off, if you actually DO like him, you shouldn't feel like you don't want to have those feelings. But I agree that you should probably just go ahead and explore it further with him. If he feels the same way, great, there's mutual feelings and that's a great way to be with someone If he doesn't, then you know you need to stop things, and that would definitely be preferable to trying to just repress the feelings, because if you do that, then it'll become an enormous emotional wear on you. THe whole point is for it to be no-strings-attached and stress-free, right? So now that it's stressful with the feelings, I say remove the stressor
Orgazmik, whoever this lucky fellow is deserves to hear how you feel. As much as we'd all like to think otherwise, "no strings attached" doesn't really exist. (barring one night stands, of course) I think everyone develops feelings for someone they're fucking on a regular basis...otherwise we wouldn't keep hanging around one another. So, I say discuss it with him. If it turns to shit so be it. You're a gorgeous girl and there WILL BE more men in your future.
i'm gonna guess that you've pretty much hit this one on the nuts... so if thats the case.. either A... end it and never talk to him again like ya should have done in the begining since it was a just a fuck.. or B.. belly up and talk to him about it...
That's the problem... you don't. You can try to push back those feelings, but that usually ends up coming out in various ways, especially more unappealing ways such as acting mean - especially to the person you're trying to hide your feelings from. It's odd, but its a part of human nature especially if its someone you see on a regular basis. You can try to continue this relationship but you might end up having to do one of two things: 1) Turn this into an actual relationship, whether you want to or not. 2) End things with him and move on. *** Personally, if you see the qualities of a mate in this guy and are attracted to him (and he's not married/attached) I don't see the problem with taking things to the next level - if he wants to as well. If he doesn't, then you're back to deciding between Choice 1 & 2. Choice 3 is you can just keep doing what your doing, but like I said above, unchecked emotions (usually the bad kind) will start bubbling to the surface especially if you keep them hidden.
It's not so much about being afraid of getting hurt.. I mean, I guess it could be a slight part of it because a few months back I was talking to someone over a 7 month period and it ended abruptly.. I do understand that's the risk you take when you're involved with someone and I've had my share of heartache.. It's moreso that my life is finally getting in order and I seem to be on the right path.. I'm not ready to get involved with someone on a serious level right now.. There's so many things I plan for myself and I always try to accomplish my goals before getting into something serious. He's not someone that I talk to on a daily basis.. There are days when we don't see/hear from one another.. I'm ok with being intimate every once in a while but the feelings are something I really don't want to have to deal with.. When I went to his house, it was to have sex and nothing more.. We both are aware of this but now it's like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.. I can either end the sexual relations we have and cut off contact or dive head first into a relationship where I not only have myself and my feelings to think about but someone else as well.. I don't say that to be sounding selfish but I'm busy quite a lot lately and I don't always have free time to spend with my closest friends.. I'm just not ready for something serious right now.. Like I said, I'm confused.. I think I'm going to just lay all my cards out on the table and see how he responds.. He knows my life and what I'm going through here so he is understanding of that.. Whatever happens, happens. This is why I don't normally sleep with someone that I'm not already in a relationship with.. This casual sex/one nighter stuff really isn't my thing but this man drives me sooo crazy.. Just thinking about him right now gets me excited.. If this goes anything like the luck I've had already this New Year, I'll end up fucking myself.... over.. I like the man but I just can't deal with a relationship right now.. Thanks for the responses you guys.. Hopefully, since it's becoming a slight mess, I can work everything out.
Sounds to me like marriage is in your future with this guy. Try it - you might like it. I was a wild thing until I got tamed and then married, and surprise!, I liked it.
