My name is Nate and I'm 20, and I'm having a hard time saying this. About two years ago, the night after my high school graduation, I was eating a special dinner with my parents at home to celebrate. It was then that I decided to tell them one thing- I was gay. Rumours had begun to circulate around my group of "friends" and I knew that it wouldn't be long until they found out some other way. My parents are staunchly conservative Catholic and not open minded at all. My father repeatedly used the words faggot and queer in front of me when I was growing up. I went to an all-boys Catholic boarding school where we learned about the dangers of homosexuality and the biggest insult that you could get was someone calling you gay. My mother threw a water glass at me and my father starting to curse me out. His face got redder and redder as he screamed and he hit me a few times. I fell on the ground and then they were both screaming at me, asking why I had to ruin their lives or why I wanted to ruin mine. Needless to say, I got up and ran, and thank god neither of them chased me. I went to a friends house to stay. Around 10:30 pm, his parents got a phone call that I knew was from my parents. I remember thinking, "Alright, when are they going to come pick me up." Instead, they called me downstairs and told me, in very stiff, polite terms, that my mother told me not to come home until I had my problem sorted out. The way they kept staring at me, like I was something dirty and unnatural, should have been the first clue that I wasn't welcome there. The second was my friend telling me he didn't want a queer in his room. To cut this long story short, I will say that my parents called all my relatives to tell them that I was gay. My relatives, with one exception, are exactly like my parents. The shame kept me from going to them anyway. I now live with that one exception, my uncle, who was ostracized for not being interested in working in the family business. I don't think he's okay with my sexuality, but he isn't mean to me and he gave me a job at his landscaping company. He says we're a team of outcasts. For the first year away from home all I did was wish that I could do everything differently... I could have just not come out. Now that I think back on it, my parents would have probrably ignored the rumours. Truth be told, I think I wanted to come out and shock them. I had no idea that they would react the way they did. They never hit me as a child, and although they were distant and I called my nanny momma and my mother Beth, I didn't have any bad feelings towards them. Now I have finally accepted that there is no turning back in terms of my sexuality. I am out, and learning to be proud about it. I never really come into situations that would entail me saying that I was gay. All the guys I work with are very heterosexual, and my few gay friends tell me that you wouldn't know I was unless I said so. But to the point of this saga, yesterday my mother called my uncle's house asking to speak to me. I wasn't home at the time, but she said she would call back on Monday. I don't know what to say to her, and that's why I need help. I kind of don't want to talk to her at all. Has anyone been in a situation like mine?
I think you need to speak to your mother when you are ready too and only you'll know that. however you could ask your uncle to take a message from her that way you'll have some idea what she wants. you went through an awful situation, I really can't imagine what it must have been like for you, but at some point if you aren't already your going to want to start leading a fully gay life, perhaps get a partner and get married, doing these things and not being out to your parents is argueably a lot harder. coming out to people at work is however not as important because your sexuality is none of their damn business. anyway find out what mother wants first and if she truely wants to make peace with you, if you do so, do it when your ready. I believe however that she can only offer you the hand of peace if she is willing to sit down and really listen to you about what she put you through. have a read of the other stories in this subforum, your not alone S
Baby.....I have heard stories just like yours form firends of my sons....and the hardest part is over for you now. You are out , your family knows , and it is up to THEM to deal with it. You cannot make them accept you , all you can do is keep the lines of communication open. They have to do the rest. Just remember , they are your parents, and they do love you in their own fashion. Good luck Baby boy.
I really feel for you man. I've never been in a situation like that so it's hard to empathize, but it's really a shame that you had to go through all of that. *hug*
