Sterilization

My uncle had a vasectomy. He said it didn't hurt a great deal, and that he healed pretty quickly. His trouble? He had unprotected sex too soon after the procedure and ended up with child #3 who is now 21. So, be careful about that. Make sure the doctor tells you exactly how long, and wait a bit after that just to be sure. If you have u.s at all. And, yes, in some cases a vasectomy can be reversed. If, ever at all, you decide you all want kids. But, by reading all your posts, I don't see it happening, but, you never know.
I don't know of any doctor that will do a TL under the age of 23 if you have no children. Maybe there are some where you live, but there aren't here.
If you're worried about the pill, try depo-provera. I absolutely hate it and I'm switching bc's on the 25th, but, you might like it. It may work differently for you than it has for me.
In any case, the best of luck to you with your decisions. I hope it all works out for you.

 

I'm glad that you two are really talking about this and looking into possible risks, a real mature way to deal with a real mature decision. Also, one of those top things you need in a good healthy relationship. I have no doubt that you're going to keep thinking about this until the final minute, but you're decision is already made and has been for a while it seems, you just are taking longer to figure out how to go about it...which is fine b/c it's a really big decision. I hope that you and your soon to be hubby will keep the open communication going and I wish the both of you the best of luck with your decision. Keep us all posted!

 

Um. I'm not a big fan of kids. I fight for their rights and donate to children's charities but the only kids I can stand are my own.

When I was 20, I never wanted kids either. You're not even allowed to legally drink or gamble at 20.

Life changes and you develop...obviously at 20, kids are unnappealing but you MAY wake up at 35 one day and want to get sprogged up.

This is why most docs wont do tubals on women under 30.

 

I dont know where you live but here you can have sex and gamble at 16 and drink at 18...

Anyway, back to the real point...

You are both ADULTS in a mature relationship which has proved it can last. I completely respect the way you feel. I too have been thinking about the subject of parenthood a lot lately after my own problems. And you know what? I think for some people using logic and careful thought can be a million times better than just running with feelings on this...and waiting until youre a certain age and "may start getting baby lust" or whatever. Because the world is a full place, full of hungry, starving or neglected babies, for one thing...

Some women have a different destiny. You and I may be some of them...i believe that as long as you two have truly thought, talked and felt about this over a long period it could be done without problem. My mother, who is now 60, had a friend while she was growing up. At age 16 she announced she never wanted children of her "own". Age 19 she had the operation. Age 40 she adopted a little son, and has NEVER once regretted her decision.

I would however advise you to wait a few more years, not just to see if your mind changes but to see if your relationship is still steady. It sounds like you two could really work up to this stage. But its a big decision, one you can wait for

In the meantime id say continue with therapy, know that you are almost completely safe using both birth controls, know that it is completely respectworthy that you are thinking about this (as opposed to some women who just go ahead and have babies anyway) and that the time may come where you will be sterilised

Good luck to you both!

-Maxi

 

P.s-Me and my boyfriend have both also had this conversation and we both dont want kids, that we know of at the moment. And i really cant see me having a kid in the future. As you so greatly said, if ever i feel the desire to mother we will adopt. Adopt a poor unwanted uncared for baby. As it happens i am actually very protective of and loving with children after my own cloe encounters with child abuse, and my boyfriend is a gentle, patient man. I think wed both make great parents. But i dont get this "its must be our "own" " stuff. Every child is deserving of love

 

That's nice but the OP and I both live in the USA where you are not allowed to legally drink or gamble until you are 21. So obviously, our cultures and thought processes are different and European laws don't apply here.

Here in the USA, turning 21 is a milestone like turning 18 and being allowed to smoke, have sex, join the military, and vote. Do I think the age is a little high? Yes I do. I think 18 year olds should be allowed to drink if they are allowed to smoke and shoot a gun.

In our culture, 20 years old is considered very young and considering that the average American lives to be about 80, 20 IS very young. Too young, infact, to be making such permanent, live-effecting decisions..IMHO. I should also note that Europeans are not exactly the standard of how life should be lived. I'm not saying American culture is any better but you Euros have little room to criticize.

 

lol, well thats a different issue

Europeans not the standard of how life should be lived? Again a completely different issue, but you make it sound like we live in mud huts or somthing. That made me laugh

RE: "Americans live to be 80"...oh come on, do you even know what youre saying? Where i live and in the majority of Europe that is the life expectancy too, either that or it is HIGHER. So please dont try and degrade

Now back to the only bit of that paragraph that relates to the real issue-If the life expectancy is as you say 80, and this lady is 20, shes a quater of the way through her life, non? A whole quater. I personally think that your unrelated comments about age limits are patronising to both her and to me (not to mention Europeans everywhere!) Shes an adult woman. End of. My point was if she just crossed an ocean she COULD do the things you talk about as if they were the gateway into adulthood, and so you didnt really have a point in mentioning them to her

Shes in a steady relationship and is thinking seriously about and talking through her actions, which is more than thousands of people old enough to be allowed to drink in America do daily

 

but see, that's just the thing. Lots of us DO know how you feel, because we felt the same way at your age. Then something changed in our lives, something changed inside us, nothing is the same now as it was then. You just never know what the future will hold. I made up my mind to never have kids of my own, I thought adoption would be fine if I ever were to change my mind...I had not a single doubt about that decision. Then I got divorced, found a decent man who would make a good Daddy, and he convinced me that not everyone has a miserable childhood. Finally, I realized that my kids didn't have to have as hard a time growing up as I did, and it might be okay to bring them into the world. But it took ten more years to get to that place.

You might do some lurking on an infertility forum somewhere, listen to what the 30-40 year old women who had a tubal at your age are saying about it now. The hell they are going through after attempting reversal and trying to have a baby.

Or you might do some lurking on a forum that deals with pelvic pain, because any abdominal surgery carries the risk of adhesions forming (internal scar tissue) which for some people can be debilitatingly painful.

Either way, it's highly unlikely you will find a doctor who will agree to do the surgery on such a young person anyway. I know I tried, at your age, to be permanently sterilized. And I'm glad now that it wasn't done to me.

 

A vasectomy is less invasive and cheaper (offer to hold the ice pack).....state insurances will often help pay for sterilization procedures.....and most doctors will not perform a TL on a woman in their early twenties.

About a TL....they are not 100% effective.... Close, but look on the internet and see how many women had babies 5-10 years after having one. I had one 8 years ago and have no regrets but they are pricey and it took a bit for the pain to subside. However I did have complications....so my issues were not the "norm"....

I just want to comment that it takes a lot of self reflection and honesty to say that you never want children. I think many people feel the same way but have kids to please their spouse or family members....like it is something that they are supposed to do.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

 

Well said

Me and my boyfriend have had very open conversations about this and we both feel relieved the truth is out there for us to consider now. He was going to have kids in his previous relationship to please her. Wrong and sad but true

 

I'm sure that the OP has heard this, but if she later changes her mind and wants to raise a kid; adoption is a non-surgical option.

 

Apples + Oranges, I just had my appointment before I go to get the IUD...I just wanted to let you know that in the literature on it, it shows that it is just as effective as tubal litigation....maybe if you are unable to get the tl done you could check it out. I am getting the non-hormonal one called paraguard... here's the website if you want to check it out: http://www.paragard.com/paragard/index.php

 

i know u dont want to hear it but i will say it anyways. you may want kids in the future. im 20 and i just started craving children. your biological clock starts ticking. it just happens at different times.

if you are really serious about sterilzation, i think he should get it done. im pretty sure its usually reversible in men, is it not? amongst many other reasons i think thats an important one.

 

Thank you.
The point isnt that I dont ever want to care for a child... I might, I dont know yet...but I do know I dont want to have any of my own.

As of right now I could never even see myself adopting, but I do still have an open mind towards that particular option.

 

I'm 20 as well--
And yes, I know, it happens for different people at different times but...
Just because your body says you should do something, doesnt always mean you should---my body told me to have sex at 15, and now I wish I didnt.