How does one move on?

Let me explain this the best that I can...
I'm sure everyone has gone through a break up with a loved one at some point in their lives. Whether they are the breaker of the relationship or not...someone is still holding on to something that supposedly "can't be fixed".
It's been about a year since my ex of 3 years and I broke up... we didnt talk for a month- but, afterwards we hung out everyday, as well as did the things "couples" do- but without the label. Let me clarify this...he broke up with me.
He has a girlfriend who I dont think is half the person I am...but, that is none of my business....he had sex with me about a week before he started seeing her.
I enabled myself to get into that situation...but, honest to god I truly believed in my heart of hearts he was my soulmate...Im 26- and we both lost our virginity to one another. Meanwhile...he blames the breakup soley on me not trusting him. The new girl is 21 which is odd considering he is 26? maybe age isnt anything but a number but, he is addicted to drugs etc.

I dont know why I cant let go of him. I feel like no matter what I do I cant see the bad in anyone. And as I sit here on the verge of tears I feel like I will never be a good enough person for anyone because I didnt trust him.

God does things for a reason...and Im a firm believer in this...but, I pray everyday more than anything for him to give me the strength to forget about him. I have seen sides of me that I truly hate....I obsess over his new girlfriend, and read through his emails. I feel so sick right now just thinking about the way I live my life.

Does anyone have any advice? maybe I have tried talking to counselors but, I cant tell my heart to stop loving. And maybe this love isnt even real...maybe its just the fact that I am longing for the comfort of another man...and, I just want to give them love in return. I feel like a bad person that I am jealous of his new relationship. UGGGH I am drama

 

I think i know how you feel. And it's hard to move on, but you have to. Just be more relaxed, go out more often with you frends, try to meet new people, just keep your toughts off him.
And don't feel like a bad person. Sometimes relationships don't work out and it's nobody's fault.

And because you beleve in God, if you two were ment for each other, he will make sure that you'll end up togather.

peace

 

I don't really have any real advice for you coz I'm kinda in the same boat.. Losing someone you love and moving on is just so damn hard. But I guess you kinda learn to live with it. Try to keep yourself busy, be with your friends and do stuff you enjoy doing. Change of scenery helps. It's easier not to think about it if you keep yourself busy and when you focus on other, happier things. But then there's always that moment when you close your door and are alone with your thoughts and memories... that's the hardest bit to handle I think. But like I said... you kinda learn to live with it.

 

thank you sweet heart for the kind words. All I want is to be able to be free of this person...in order to start something anew. I know this seems cheesy but I am in love with love. I need to give it..but, I dont want to bring in any thoughts of my ex in a new relationship...if that makes sense. There is a guy that I really could see myself with...unfortunately, he lives hundreds of miles away...I do believe that whatever is meant to be will happen. Love is so worth the risk of getting hurt...but, i dont know if i could handle this all over again haha...I love deeply. Thank you for your advice again

 

God does things for a reason. Don't long after someone who doesn't want you back. Just love everyone - and you'll quickly meet someone who will love you back If you have love in your heart, finding new people is easy. Just love yourself and others, and don't worry about anyone who doesn't love you back (eg, your ex-boyfriend). As others suggested, hang out with new people, your friends, go out on the town, do activities you love, and within no time at all you'll have forgotten all about him as you realize how much more is out there, and I don't just mean other men.

 

Thank you! This has been one of the most painful/lesson learning experiences of my life. I can ooooooooooooonnnnly imagine how awesome it will be down the road! haha jk.
I dont understand men...and I dont think they understand me. oh well right!

 

sometimes we love someone else because we have trouble loving ourselves. Especially if we fall for somebody who's got real problems and major flaws, it' a way of trying to show ourselves we can be loved even though we have flaws, but it gets all mixed up. You have to let love into your heart by loving yourself. and sometimes we pick some jerk who won't love us back to support our self-defeating attitude that we are some how not worth love. I dunno if that's what's up with you, but try and turn your love towards your own heart. You deserve love and are great and groovy and totally loveable!! Open up to it!

 

thanks TR! I am very blessed to have so many people giving me feedback! I agree with the groovy and totally loveable thing! The thing is .....he made me laugh SOOOO much! I need to find like a comedian or something?

But, in all seriousness the more I read up on these responses, I realize that there are so many other problems in the world than mine...just stinks cuz it hits so close to home!

And honestly...I feel like im in the movie blast from the past because I am soooo not with the times...dating...making it on the first date? colored TV!!!! jeez

Im scuuuuuuured hhaha

 

Superduper - Anyone who is addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc. is under the control of something other than their own mind and cannot be trusted.
I don't blame you for not trusting him.

My late wife was an alcoholic until the day she died of liver failure, and did everything she could to hide her addiction from her family. Her death was something of a release for me. In her last few years, I was an enabler, hiding her addiction from others when it came to my attention.

After she died, I started dating again, not having been with another woman our entire married lives. It was weird at first, but I adjusted to the new rules. I have been dating a wonderful woman for the past 2+ years, and feel entirely renewed in life.

You can do this too.

 

It dated a guy who was adicted to meth. I didn't trust him either especially after he acused me of taking his drugs and hideing them from him. At that point I knew there was nothing I could do even though I loved him very much. I didn't date anyone for over 3 years. It was really hard for me to get over it because I cared about him so much. It will take time and small steps. I had to realize that I was better off and so was he. I hope that you start feeling better about things soon.

 

No advice yet -- just commiseration.

SUPER -- you and I are in almost the exact same predicament, except my ex and I weren't virgins ... he'd been with 13 other girls (!) and I'd been raped by two different guys. He was LIKE my first time ... and I allowed him to be such because I truly and deeply loved him.
We broke up, but were still close. Then, the night we were trying to get back together, he met Katie and stopped even noticing I exist.
She lives a long way away, though, so he still wanted me to keep him company ... apart from having sex and kissing, we would still do all the things we used to do, including cuddling. Of course we slept seperately, but only to a degree ... I'd lie on the floor beside his bed and he'd hold his hand down so our fingers would lock!
This would have worked out fine for both of us, and Katie too ... except I always knew he was thinking of her and preferring her, even when he was spending friendly time with me. He'd stop a conversation to answer her calls, and refer to her as "baby" and say he loved her; some days he would get up in the morning and leave to visit her six hours away ... without telling me.

My life is pretty torn apart because I feel I drove him to her -- that I was inadequate so he needed her to fill the hole in his life. The fear of being a disappointment keeps me from being close to anyone else.

I know how you feel. I make myself feel better by associating with people I know truly love me (like my friends) ... but it just doesn't feel the same.

 

DON'T feel like you are inadequate. Thats complete crap for him to be with you and have a side dish!
I totally feel you right now...through your writing and I can sense your pain...it stinks!
But, you are soooo fortunate to have friends- just like Im blessed to have my family.
If I learned ONE thing from this ridiculous incident...it's that you should NEVER try and appease someone who doesnt accept you- or makes you feel used in any shape or form. When I found out the ex was sexing me and blatantly lied to my face about being with other girls....I wanted to smack him in his face. Would that have done any good? NO.. at the time I felt as though revenge was a dish best served cold.. its not. But, there is a fine line between getting walked over and feeling that you are in love etc...You didnt force him to be with her because god does things for a reason...and if you dont believe in God then....the forces of nature pull people together for some forsaken reason haha. Yeah it sucks, yeah it will make you stronger... BAD OR GOOD? I'm indifferent about that...But, im opting for the latter!!!!

Thanks for sharing that personal information with everyone...its good for the soul to vent!

 

My sadness comes from the fact that, at least in my case, this ex was the first person who DID accept me ...
I used to joke that I was invisible, and I fell in love with him for touching my face and whispering, "Sweetheart ... I can see you ... and I love what I see."
He meant it, too, literally and metaphorically. At least at the time. Too bad he found something that looked BETTER ... to him, anyway.



(Never love a poet.)

 

yea...I dunno...I accepted my ex...he was a fat slob and then he lost weight..so i guess thats why I got the boot! dont worry there are hotter and cooler fish in the sea...I feel ya

 

Oh! and as an aside...I did find out that his new GF has HPV sooooo jokes on him? I mean you carry you spread right? karrrrma chameleooooon.

yes, I am sick and twisted

 

Suncatch - I would like to kick the poet in the balls, to get some more sonnets out of him.

 

I am going through the same thing as well, and I'm not really sure what to say....but a wise old hippie I knew once told me this, before he left this world.... "The only cure for love, is to love even more." And I doubt my Uncle meant only physical love when he told me that... I suggest you try going out with friends more, and do your best not to think about him, love will find you again, in one form or another.

Peace, Love, and Prosperity always,

~Myra

 

my question...is why is it that it is so much easier for others to find companionship...for example...my ex is already in a relationship...albeit the girl has an STD...but, how does one get back into the dating scene...I hate bars and Im not a fan of drugs...so what the hell....hi, Im a square...wanna date then maybe hold hands? yea- thats gonna smooth out nicely

 

and furthermore...why would a guy want to date a girl after he found out she had an std? isnt that setting your standards a bit low....

 

I dunno, my poet gave ME HPV ... and HE got a new girlfriend although I can't get a new man -- my conscience won't let me! So why was it so easy for HIM?

Guess none of us really know.

Advice for meeting new people: Don't go looking. I tend to find things when I'm not looking.
And in my opinion ... the kinds of people you meet in bars, tend to be below your standards, super