its quite possible this has been posted before but here it goes. who are your favorite comedians and what is the funniest thing you have heard them say. george carlyn- "looks like we got a meassage from the national pancake association it says fuck waffles!" Mitch Hedberg- "I saw a wino on the streets eating grapes I said dude you have to wait." Ron White- "I dint know how many it was gonna take to whoop my ass but I knew how many they were gonna use." Jim gafagyn- I was dating an asian girl for a while... she was realy asian I mean realy asian... she was a panda. Dane cook- anything dane cook says because each joke is like 20 minutes long. who\what are your favorite comnedians\quotes? -rydns
i like to shove a speculum in my ass and use one of those dentists mirrors to look inside my colon, thats where i get all my entertainment
bill hicks "i love standing outside bars in canada during winter and watching smokers pass out, cos they dont know when there done breathing" peter kay knock knock, whos there?, bigish! bigishu, not today thanx noel fielding theres alot of turns in my show not in a ladeda european way i mean like alot of right angles...im like tron xD
dane cook-- i had my drunk friend sleep over, in the middle of the night i looked down and he was giving me a blow job. i yelled what the hell, finish up and get the fuck out here!
waynes world 2-- the back stage to the aerosmith concert-- i have to go back there, my girl friend is back there. the bouncer---alot of guys girl friends are back there.
The whole Marijuana Logues is hilarious. Not sure on names or anything but the one guy mentions something about when you smoke all you do is "worry needlessly until you fall asleep." George Carlin His shirt with some 2,000 different sayings for sex and everything related to it. (One of my husband's favorite shirts to wear in public) Napalm & Silly Putty - Good book! Bill Engvall The vicodin story on vacation (I think it's on Blue Collar Comedy Tour 1st movie) So funny. Sorry I couldn't provide all the jokes. Bad memory doesn't allow me to remember them perfectly.
Jeff Dunham the vantriliquist with his puppet Melvin the superhero guy- "Melvin does your wife have any superpowers?" "Once a month" "?" "once a month she turns evilllll"
Talking about when the guy at the tire store forgot to tighten the lugnuts on his van: "Later I found out that they sent the guy to three days of tire college. Apparently he was sick on LUG NUT DAY!! "I didn't want to be drunk in public officer, I wanted to be drunk in the bar. They through me into public, arrest them!" Ron Tater Salad White On the album "Bicentinial ******" from 1976. Talking about when some 'white guy' gave him acid at a party........"Holy shit! Look I can catch my hand, LOOK I CAN CATCH MY HAND!!!" ^that whole skit is fucking hillarius. I found the album in my dads old record collection, one of the best comedians of all time... Rychard Pryor
