Problems with my children's father~

Hi all! It's been forever since I came here. This place looks great!!

I really need some advice. It's regarding my children's father. He has been in and out of their lives due to many different reasons. Jobs, alcohol, etc.. He was across the country for almost a year working and decided to come back because our daughter was having a hard time. She was acting up quite a bit. When he came back, it was a diaster!! He was acting like he owned this place and came and went whenever he pleased. It was disturbing me and my boyfriend's relationship and of course, he had a problem with that. I put my foot down and let him know that he had to call before he comes to see the kids. He became angry about that and accused me of trying to stop him from seeing the kids. He started involving the kids by callign my son and telling him that he couldn't come here anymore because I didn't like him. I had to explain to my son that it wasn't true and that he was welcome to see the kids. He just had to call first. He started not showing up at the times we agreed. The worst part was he choose not to show up on Christmas eve to take the kids over to his family's house. My kidss were really upset about that. He showed up a few days later to drop off gifts from his family but none from him. The kids didn't notice that and I didn't say anything. I asked him to stop doing things like that because it was hurting the kids. He continued anyways, missing new years eve with the kids then on saturdays.. Finally I told him that if he was choosing to drink over seeing the kids then he only can see the kids twice a month for a few hours. That didn't work. The last time he decided to see the kids, he stormed out angry because I told him that he had to stop acting like he owned this place. (he went downstairs to the basement to look around without asking) He got online later on and informed me that he didn't love the kids anymore and didnt want to see them anymore. He would only pay support and that's all he wants to do.

Now I'm basically saying nothing to the kids. Pretty soon they are going to ask questions about when their dad will see them again. I am definitely not going to tell them what he said. Any ideas what I could say to let them know that he's not going to come to see them anytime soon?

 

Sorry to hear about your tough time, sister. You didn't say how old your kids are, that makes it harder to know what you should or shouldn't tell them. I wouldn't go into a big thing about it, if they ask when he's coming tell them you don't know. You don't have to tell them now that he's not coming for a long time. He was gone a long time before so it won't be that unfamiliar for them. Just take it one day at a time.

 

oh, im sorry. my sons 7 and my daughters 5. i already got a pm from someone who was really helpful. i guess you're right, i just have to take it one day at a time. they are smart kids, they will figure it out. i just hope it don't screw them up for life.