Is the problem Me,Him, or Us?

My husband was the same as yours 8 years ago, now he is even worse. The more I allow myself to be diminished for his needs the more I have disappeared. I have spent part of the last 2 years contemplating suicide. Now I have finally gotten my head on straight and am facing divorceand worrying about taking care of the kids on my own. Leave him, it will not get better, it will only get worse and worse and worse. Leave him, leave him leave him. the only thing you will gain by staying is heartbreak and regret. good luck.

 

seconded!!, think you should get out if you can!! good luck
{{{hugs}}}
l
xxx

 

No just one and I paid for it to be put there.

 

Today made me want to more them anything. If you read my post from today in I want to tell you that, you will understand. I was a bad morning.

 

Relic - what did the tattoo say or look like that you paid to put on your loser husband? I hope it said your name, so that when you dump him, he is stuck with it forever.

 

No it is just a scorpion because he is a scorpio. We got each other a tattoo they day after we got married mine in an orchid. We think putting you s.o.'s name on your body is bad luck.

 

His scorpion stings whatever it touches.

 

especially lately

 

hmm this seems odd. i understand ppl who are hermits and have fears of being out in society but it just seems like he only wants to do what he wants to do and doesnt care about what you want.

i think you need to decide if he has an actual problem or is just lazy and wants to please himself and not you.

 

He is lazy. He says he doesn't like people and hates crowds but if it is a car part or video game hewants the heis out the door and off to the store. He will go to the stores like walmart and places if he os not given a choice same for going out to eat anywhere but fast food where he can take it to go. But to go out socially other then if it is something he wants to do you can for get it.

But to give him bredit where it is due he has had to help me a lot this past few days I have been in a lot of pain and barley make it through work so he has been helping with everything so I can rest. I truely know he is worried about me right now my health he does show concern for if there is a problem. It is day to day and social interaction that he doesn't have much interest it out side of sex which he is doing with out do to the pain I am in lately on a day to day basis.

 

Relic - get thee to a doctor.

 

Cutted the doctor is aware she wants me to give it one more week before she sees me. I will be ok I have been here before. I have a high pain tollerancy If I was smart I would take the prescribed pain pills but I am stuborn I like to remain functional and I am not on the pills.

 

hehe...he sounds like me before the Zoloft.

 

Well at least you realize that was an issue now he never will.

 

Went to the doctor Monday and I am doing a little better I will know more tomorrow. One thing I am sure of is I am on a diabetic diet and have to have blood work done on Saturday. Hopefully I will be back to as close to normal as possible soon. I need to be I have to be able to start cooking again or there is no way I will be able to stick to this new diet.

 

Acutally, it took me a good deal of time to realize. Infact, it took some time before it developed from casual hermit to almost agrophobia. And then it took time after I realized, for my spouse to truely realize that it was a 'problem' and not just me being lazy and selfish and give the support that was needed. It even took a trip to a marriage councillor.

And that last part is the bit I find interesting 'cause it's a peice of advice you never seem to get from this fourm. The gut reaction to anyone whining about thier spouse always seems to be " Ditch 'em " Which is a pretty easy thing for a stranger to say.

You have a marriage of 6 years. Do YOU think it's worth saving and working on. And when you're thinking about this don't fall into the trap of ' well, if he's gonna...' No. You need to know deep down how you feel. And then if you truly want things to get better get some real marriage counciling. And yeah...that's not easy. Getting down to the main problems and fixing a wobbly marriage isn't easy and painless. Even if it's just you that goes to the counciling at first, they can give you strategies on how to open up a dialouge. At the very least, it'll probably be better advice than from a forum.

 

Yah I see your point and I think that is why I deal with so much I do love him and I do want it to work. I know he loves me and wants us to be together we just have a different version of what a marriage relationship should be like his family is F'd up and mine is The Brady Bunch kinda with alot of faults. But like now I know he loves me with me being sick he has been great and a worry wort at best. We will get back on track we always do this round just has lasted longer then usual. He really doesn't go out at all so it is not like he goes out as long as I am not along you know? At least you understand where I am coming from from the spouse point of view and also kinda his point also.

 

He sounds sort of selfish though, like he only wants to go out when it suits him and not otherwise, and if you go out without him, he'll stress out about it. If you want this to work, you need to sit and talk about this and yes counciling is also a good idea. Good luck.

 

Relic - the important thing is that you take care of your self.

 

I know at least one person who is gonna jump all over this, but whatever:

To a certain extent he is just being a man. Let me give you an example:

My wife always wants me to go to the grocery store or run some other errand together. Personally I don't see the point. She can go to the grocery store be herself while I play video games or work on cars. Seems like a waste of resources. I'll offer to go for her, but if she's going anyway, what's the point? Now don't get me wrong, I give in a certain amount of the time. That's why I'm still married