I feel like I'm falling apart

Up until this year, I've considered myself fairly well adjusted. I've had minor cases of "The blues" in the past few years, but it always went away in a few weeks time. However, this is no longer the case.

I'm in 11th grade, and I've been an absolute mess since school started this past September. My mental and physical health have deteriorated, and I don't even know where to begin, nor do I know what's wrong. I've had a tingling sensation in my limbs (primarily my left arm) since last January, I've recently found out that it's all stress that's causing it, which was a relief. I've gotten incredible tension headaches, which I've been able to treat with ibuprofen and increased rest.

However, my main problem is my mental state. I have had an uncountable number of breakdowns, as I call them, so far this year. According to my pediatrician, they're panic attacks, and, although they've decreased in frequency, I live my life in a constant state of "what if." The subject that causes my anxiety the most is my health. I am perpetually convinced that I have a disease. With the tingling sensation, I was convinced that I had MS, or a brain tumor, or some sort of nerve damage. Headaches were of course some sort of brain disorder. I have gotten my chronic worrying almost under control, but now I have a new problem: I'm just simply losing it. I have no retention anymore, which is making school difficult. I'll read something in a textbook, and then become perplexed when the subject is mentioned the next day; it usually takes me a few moments to recollect what is it that I had read. I also often forget things that people tell me, about their relationships, plans, etc.. My hypochondria is kicking in, and now I think I'm in the early stages of dementia (I have a history of Alzheimer's on both sides of my family). I've read that depression and anxiety can cause one's memory to become dull, so that's "keeping me sane" at this point.

Any advice that y'all have would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry that my post was so long!

Love and peace,
Chelsea

 

Did anything happen last September that could have started any of this?

 

Well, school starting, I suppose. My courseload got quite heavy, and I was also working during the week. I only work one day a week now (Saturday nights), and don't do nearly as many extracurriculars.

 

im not sure about america, but over here in australia, years 11 and 12 are our major years. they count where nothing else ever has... i know that when i started year 11 everything went from being sorta easy, laid back, homework only taking an hour to do, and turned into this full on stressful life with teachers on ur back everyday about how important everything is, and homework and assignments taking days or weeks... i stressed pretty bad, especially towards my very last term ever. we had 5 weeks to complete the amount fo work we normally had 10 weeks to do. plus they kept bombarding us with all these courses which were supposed to be great for the future n that. and i was coping a lot of crap from my dad at the time.. it got so bad that i got this really bad pain in my stomach which would not go away. i couldnt eat anything.
the only thing i can suggest is making sure you take time out every single day to meditate or just relax and do something for you. dont leave anythin til the last minute to do. that always adds to the stress...
or if it invites u more, write everything down n a diary. when u go to bed, think about the positive things of the day. dont go to bed unhappy

if u wana chat bought it any more let me know through a message or msn. been through that era and am more than willing to help any one out going through it now

 

It sounds like you are dealing with some depression and anxiety- especially the anxiety piece. One thing you can do just to help yourself cope is to remind yourself constantly that the anxiety is causing your strange symptoms- I have suffered from anxiety since I was 14 or so (I'm now 21) and have had every symptom you describe. I have also always recieved a clean bill of health on annual checkups- you do not have a brain tumor or any such thing. It is only anxiety speaking. Furthermore, you need to really limit yourself from thinking negative thoughts, such as "I'm going to lose it." or, "I swear I must have dementia"- those thoughts aren't true, and they continue to trigger a deeper state of panic in your mind and in your body. Your thoughts can have a very profound effect on your biology. When you say what I refer to as "freak out statements" to yourself- for example, "My mind is imparied and I can't think correctly. I must have dementia. Oh lord, it runs in my family, too." you need to refute that statement with something different that addresses the issue, such as "Many people have told me that these are just the symptoms of anxiety, including other anxiety sufferers and my doctor. If I continue to think frightful thoughts, I will continue to have anxiety. Everything is fine." I swear this will help you relax and feel at least a bit better.
You may want to consider seeing a psychologist- they can give you more tips on how to manage your anxiety symptoms without medication. I would use medication only as a last resort, and ONLY under the supervision of a psychiatrist. I feel that too many general practitioners prescribe psychiatric medications, and they really need to be administered under the supervision of an expert.
Good luck. I've been through the ringer with mental illness, so PM me any time.

 

I'd start practicing pranayama. It's pretty basic and easy to get into.

 

I have felt fear in my life.

Fear is a form of energy and one should try to master it and not judge it and attack yourself over it.

I mean until you really master yourself who knows if fear is coming from you or your environment or other people or whatever.

It maybe helpful to say something to yourself like 'I am in the midst of fear, but I am not afraid. Even if I feel fear I can face it'.

Something like that may help, and maybe the fear will soon change to a nicer feeling.

 

Hi everyone. Thank you all for the wonderfully helpful comments and concerns.

I have been seeing a psychologist for a few weeks now, and it's working out really well. She's provided me with some books to read to try to get my anxiety under control, and we're taking a Buddhist approach to coping with the anxiety. I've seen an improvement already, so hopefully I can grab this by the horns and get it entirely under control soon.

~Chelsea

 

It all sounds self-created to me. That doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, but rather you can reverse it at any time. If you retrace your steps to your first breakdown/panic attack and find the root of what's going on, you'll have a better time dealing with whatever it may be. It could just be worry; worry about work, school, or even just worrying that something's wrong with you. Chances are, you're fine - but I'm glad to see you're getting some help for it. I wish you the best

 

sorry if i'm a bit too late into this thread, i hope everything is going ok. I've had pretty bad anxiety though, and even though i haven't had any panic attacks strictly speaking, overall it's quite bad ._.

just very tense all the time and my mind is very hazy, and i've had pains in my left arm at points too. Mine was caused by stress while at uni, and has been going on for... maybe a year and a half to two years gradually getting worse (it started fairly mild)

i'm not entirely sure how best to solve it, but i'm really glad your psychologist is helping. I want to try a counsellor but the best thing for me i think is a bit of life rebuilding after uni - friends, support (i want to be self employed with friends) and hopefully sunshine too!

that aside i always have medication and stuff to fall back on, and there are all kinds of good herbal remedies - maybe you could try those too?

 

oh goodie, another depressed, hypochodnriac, anxiety-attack-prone person with scholastic issues. you sound like me, only with a few differences so youre not the only one who goes through this, its not just u (ive also thought i have ms or a brain tumour, genius)

anyway. meditation can help. when youre starting to get anxious just stop. dont think about whats making you ancious, focus on your brathing (my panic attacks always involve me hypeventilating, dunno if urs do), calm it down, slow it down. stare at the wall til you feel closer to calm, til yor ribs stop hurting.

for shcool stuff. read outloud to yourself. highlight important pieces and then go back and write out jot notes. i learn best when i write something out, just reading it doesnt mean it sticks well unless its -really- interestign. writing by hand is best for me, though typign does make it stick a bit better than just readign.

as for the hypochondria... i dont really have any useful solutions. istill feel like sth is wrong withme, but it might just bea ssmall a thing as seasonal afefctive disorder (winterd epression) coupled with a mild case of hypoglycemia. i would say only visit your docotor or bring it up with them if its something u feel certain u have and have thought that way for a few weeks on end.. i know i got hrough cycles tha only las ta few days were i think i have cancer or ms or whatever.