Being in the Closet- Negatively Affects Your Social Life?

I feel this is the case for me.

I'm that kind of person who hates to pretend to be someone or something else. I feel like I'd be living a lie since I'm in the closet no one knows that I'm officially gay. Therefore, I feel like I am being untrue to myself and unaware of who I really am or could be.

With that thought in mind, I'm a social introvert. I'm quiet in school and I have very little friends at home. It has also led me to have low self-esteem issues and a self-conscience attitude. I'm afraid of partying and dancing and basically being outgoing to new people. Other social events apply.

I believe that if I were to come out I'd eventually open myself up to people. I wouldn't give a damn about what people think or how they feel about my life because I'm being true to myself and obtaining my own happiness by being who I am, and no one else.

Then I'd be able to build up on my self-esteem and consciousness. Things won't be so weird or awkward for me.

What do you think? Anyone have or had similar scenarios?

 

I went through the same thing, and still do at times. I used to have a lot of friends until I came out. Now I'm down to a few, but what can I do? I guess they werent too good of friends after all. As for social situations, Ive never really been much to surround myself with peoples full attention on me. My advice is to just be real, be respectful to everyone. You'll be more respected by more people than if you tried to impress them. I'm happy with my life and the way I turned out and I dont need to prove that to anybody. Just be real to yourself and to others.

 

yes i can relate, bein in the closet sucks. I dont know i think you need to overcome the social anxiety before you come out. It may make it worse. I dont know, i dont really know the situation.

 

I found that coming out of the closet was more restricting than liberating. At first I came out as bisexual, but most everyone took that to mean I was gay, and soon even I was believing that label. I've been a way from friends for the summer, and spending a lot of time in the wilderness getting to know myself. I've come back to bisexuality, but also realize that sexuality is just one aspect of humanity. I regret spending so much time contemplating and worrying about it, but realize it was something necessary for me to grow. I also realize that there is no possible way to know what I'll feel tomorrow or the next day, so why should I label myself today?
Ask yourself why you need to come out, and why you can't just live your life one step at a time, not knowing where you'll go next. When you answer that the only reason you can't let go, is because you don't want to or are afraid to, you have grown. Meanwhile, while the answer remains because I have to, or because then I'll know, you are still trapped in an indoctrinated world.

 

I'm not trying to be impressive to people.

I just want to be myself and I feel like being in the closet is preventing me from doing so. That's why I have all of these social issues.

I want to have fun and be more sociable, you know? I feel it's unhealthy and I'm not getting anywhere.

 

Sexuality is a huge drive. People attempt to trivialize it, saying it is only one aspect of yourself. It IS only one aspect, but it is tied in with MANY important aspects, such as: dating, relationships, socialization, etc. I am not suggesting that anyone needs to fly a pride flag or get a limp wrist, but it is important to be able to acknowledge yourself, when you want to.

 

being self-conscious as u r, do u think u will be able 2 handle negative or hostile reactions u may get from friends and family? it requires a fair bit of courage to come out. i guess u'll know ur ready when ur level of unhappiness at being in the closet is greater than ur fears and doubts about coming out. good luck

 

Now that I re-read what I wrote earlier, I definately came off wrong. I certainly did not mean to trivialize sexuality. It is a very important aspect of the human despite being only one aspect. Your statement is very true.
To the original poster, again apologies for my last post if I upset you. I thought maybe sharing my story would help. The important thing is that you find a way to express yourself and be comfortable with yourself. If coming out is your way to go, go for it. Just remember that your self is not subject to what others think. Only do what it is you want to do and don't allow what others may say or do affect how you do it.

As a last apology for again being a poor spiritual mentor in my first post *big group hug for everybody in the thread*

 

all is 4given branches. i thought ur 1st post was kewl: a one man's view kind of thing. it's all horse 4 courses that's 4 sure.

 

Jorma, don't worry, no faults. I actually agree with your wilderness thing...Perhaps I need more time with myself to contemplate on my issues.

But then again, sometimes I feel like therapy could help or something. I'm thinking about coming out to maybe like a few people just so I can rant and stuff.

But yes, as I think of it, my level of unhappiness is beginning to dominate my fears of coming out. And everyday I feel that my life would be so much better if I started being true to myself.

 

coming out to a few close friends may be a good idea. I did that this year, and it is really nice to just be able to talk about it.

 

You're unhappy. At the very least, it's a sign that you should do something. You feel like you're being dishonest and not being what you really are or could be. Coming out will be a weight off your shoulders.

It's important to come out, but it's important to come out right. Don't do it in an angry way, and don't make it sound like bad news. Be prepared for a wide variety of reactions. Don't come out when people are dealing with heavy drama. Come out first to people you think are most likely to be loving and supportive.

I would also encourage you to make some very good gay friends in your local area. You're shy with bars and dancing...I've always been the same way. Look into gay organizations and activities. This is easier in big cities and a few progressive towns (such as university towns), but I'm finally starting to find my place in a small city. I really think that having good gay friends will make even more of a difference for you than just telling other people you're gay.

The Internet is a great resource for finding gay groups and gay activities, and talking to local gay people will probably make you feel better. A few positive experiences will make things easier. Just be careful with the Internet; you'll find people who aren't what they say they are and people who just want sex. However, you can also find some decent people. Be careful, be smart, and know that there are people here who want the very best for you.

 

First off, I'm sorry to hear the amount of stress and anxiety you feel.

I think that the best way to start feeling better, is to atleast tell ONE person about your homosexuality, you need to come out to atleast one friend.

That'll take so much off your chest.

Do it.
Thats all I can say.
It's hard, but once you do it, you feel oodles better
GOod luck
Cheers,
Dylan

 

Thanks guys. I'll guess we'll see what happens!

 

logon, i think what ppl here have said about coming out to just one or two trusted friends is the best advice u'll get. good luck with ur quest.

 

It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not. Thats my advice boiled down to one sentence. Be true to yourself and to others, especially to those who love and care about you. You will see that it will turn out good for everybody in the long run.

 

It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not.

I agree Kif! I believe that so much too!

 

I was the exact same way before I came out. I don't think that I am more popular now because I am gay but rather that I have become more social because I have become myself, a really talkative nice person. Before I came out I was much more quiet at school and outside of my home. Now I am much more happy being myself and I think that radiates onto others who often come to me for advice. There is a lot of prejudice against me at my school but only from the football players which never really mattered, and when I first came out they said "he can't be gay he's wayy too manly" well they were wrong. I hope you have the courage to be yourself, it truly takes courage, not even to just be openly gay but to be yourself in general.