A really common problem ...

I can orgasm pretty easily with just my vibrator, but can't with a lover.
I enjoy sex just fine, most of the time, but it's not the same ... I can't seem to let go all the way.

I'm not so worried, because I a.) know this is a common problem, b.) know it will be resolved with time, and c.) can enjoy sex even without having an orgasm (I just like making my partner happy, and can be quite happy with only coming on my own) ...
however, my current lover (who is kind to me, physically compatible with me, and good in bed but but not as experienced as I am) is a little disappointed that I can't ... he thinks it's a little strange when I try to "help" myself but (even with both of us trying) can't ...
I don't want to fake it, either.

I'm just looking for a little advice, on relaxation techniques, or even something to say to reassure him until we can "get the hang of it."
(I don't want him to feel disappointed in the meantime ... it's really not a big deal to me and I'm not sure how to communicate this.)

 

Does it work if he uses the vibrator on you? Or what if you use it on yourself while he's inside you?

 

Uh, well, he's not really comfortable with it ... he feels that if he can't please me on his own, with just his own touch and his own body, that he is somehow doing it wrong.
This is not the case -- we are just new together and we don't really know each other well yet.
Also, I am not sure if we are going to stay together (he's dropped a few hints; see my other post in the Relationship forum), so this whole point may become moot anyway.

 

do you fantasize while you masturbate with the vibrator?
Do you fantasize about the same material while he's pleasuring you? I've come to realize that most of my orgasmic ability comes from my brain and the fantasy materials I use, and the physical end is just what gets me over the edge (except for of course when I wake up midorgasm with my hands over my head, but that's a whole other story)

I sometimes get a little worried about relying on my vibe too much so I cut back on masturbation when I'm worried about that.

 

try on top on a couch or in the backseat . . . that's really the only way i can have one during sex

 

I hardly ever use the vibrator ... but when I do it works
I don't really think about anything, I just try to feel, and think about nothing.
Which is what I was aiming for with him, but I just couldn't let go.

 

I think maybe he needs to compromise a little bit... he's unhappy if you can't orgasm but he's unhappy if your stimulation doesn't come only from him. Maybe with time and all things can change, but I think maybe if he'd be more willing to focus really on your enjoyment, putting aside his need to be the SOLE source of it, it'd go better. While I thoroughly enjoy pleasuring a partner, I'm also delighted to be a part of it even if the other part isn't me--her hands, a vibrator, etc.

 

I think he is just worried he's not good at it and I am not satisfied with him.
He's never been uptight or prissy about it, nor is he overly masculine ... just the opposite.
I think he thinks, because he is so gentle, that I think he isn't man enough (or some such rot. )
In reality I think that he and I have much potential as partners, precisely because he IS so nice, without being a pushover.
We each just need to learn how to let go.

 

Get a Trojan Vibrating Ring. It is small and fits on the base of his penis to stimulate your clit during intercourse. My wife cums and cums. She says there is nothing like a real dick that vibrates.

 

Suncatch - 25% of women NEVER have orgasms, and another 25% can only have orgasms via masturbation. Another 25% can have orgasms during intercourse, but only if they have their clitoris massaged at the same time.
And only 25% can have orgasms SOLELY through intercourse. So your guy can be the best lover in the world, and chances are he never will bring you to orgasm via his penis alone.

Have him try g spot orgasm technique on you. If you haven't seen it in my other posts, or haven't done it, I will explain how to do it.

 

I know how

I'll share the statistics with him too ... ought to make him feel a little better.

And the vibrating ring sounds like a ... really good idea ...

 

oh, I felt the same way for years...until I found what works for me. Experiment with lots of positions and techniques. You'll find something that works. I like laying on top of my lover with his penis inside me as I rub my clit against him...sure, it won't work for everyone. good luck

 

He may be being too gentle. After all, sex is a robust event! Try this: have his complete attention, place your finger on your clitoris, direct him in a method of you choice to start playing with it WITH HIS TONGUE and keep doing it through your initial orgasm, over the bed board, across the floor and down the stairs. At some poiint both you (sooner) and he (prolly later) will realize that you have climaxed and continued to do so. While he's at it, he or you might also work on your 'G.' Seriously, when I can't seem to rouse with prick or finger, the erectile functioning of my tongue has always done the trick - and after, we both are sweaty, dirty, covered with badily fluids - so shower together and start over.

 

Hey Suncatch22, if the Trojan ring doesn't work, there's a new vibrating cockring out now. It's so thin that it goes inside you while having sex. I tried it and I must say, the best $12 I spent. You said that the guy you're with doesn't like to use a vibrator. This won't kill his pride too much... it will keep him erect and it'll help you get an orgasm in the same time.

 

Is very difficult for me to orgasm,
what works for me?
smoking a couple of joints (i never plan to, i just smoke and then have sex and i've discovered it enhances the experience), long sessions of oral and me on top while he's sitting on the couch.

 

Use this advice !!

"Experiment with lots of positions and techniques"

It'll work eventually.

 

Maybe you need to stop using the vibe and masturbate only with your fingers.

I have known a lot of women who told me that if they use vibrator, their body gets used to it and they cant come any other way (because they get used to unnatural vibration speed )

So maybe going back to fingers is the solution for you ....