Look, I know it's a normal developmental stage or something but it's still a drag. My son, who turns 4 today, has recently started to say "I hate you" if he doesn't like something. I've told him this is a hurtful thing to say and that we don't talk to each other that way in our family. If he says it again he will be placed gently and immediately into time out. Did anybody else's kids ever say this? I really don't think my daughter ever did.
both of mine went through that stage. Little one is not quite out of it yet. I don't do time-outs, they just don't work with my kids. I tell them it's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hurt other people. I talk about how my feelings are hurt, and how that makes me angry, but it's still not okay for me to hurt them, right? We talk and talk... sometimes you have to wait until the anger has passed to be able to discuss acceptable ways of expressing our anger. And it's not just me telling them, they need to participate and come up with ideas of their own. One thing that works better than anything else, is for me to pay attention to how I react when I get upset. I know my kids are going to copy whatever it is I do. I can't fall into the habit of reacting in anger when the child has done nothing wrong, but something I would have gotten in trouble for when I was a kid. I catch myself getting angry just because that is how my parents would have reacted to any particular situation, and not for any real reason. What is it that happens right before your child is so angry that he says he hates you? Look for ways of avoiding that kind of situation altogether. Work with the child to find a solution you can both be happy with.
Thanks so much for your insights! Lately I have been going through some heavy stuff and I am trying so hard to stay connected with my kids without bringing heavy stuff on them. Not in a good place right now, and sometimes I forget to focus enough on them.
natural consequences work well in my house. i don't hang around people who hurt my feelings, so i'd go away from him telling him why you don't wanna hang out and play anymore, or stop getting him things for a bit. my children are like walking mirrors, so if their language gets bad it's because mine's bad or we're watching too many inappropriate shows. i watch my language, stop watching those shows and read books on how words affect others
my kids definitely start acting up if I'm not paying them enough attention. (((((hugs))))) hope you find solutions to your troubles
Every kid is different. He was probably trying to get a rise out of you. None of my kids have said this, what I would get was "You don't care about me." OMG, in some ways this is almost worse.(Yes, you can't eat an entire chocolate bunny, because I don't care about you.) Kids do think like kids. It does hurt, though. ((((((((((((((TerrapinRose))))))))))) (ps, he doesn't hate you)
Oh I know, and last month he liked to say "I'm going to throw you away" when he didn't like what was going on. Hate just seems like such an ugly word, we dont say it around here...well maybe when refering to truly despicable types like Bush and Cheney,hmmm. gotta watch that language. Thanks for all the love, guys!
um.... i hope no one minds me putting my two cents worth in... i don't have children, but i have learned from my aunt (who has a three year old boy) that talking reasonably with the child does help to a certain extent... her thoughts are that just because they are children doesn't mean they can't understand you... even if they don't understand all the words you use, inflection works really well... granted, she uses this method for when he uses "naughty words" (her husband's doing, not hers... i won't get into it) she takes him aside and tells him that it's not nice to use those words and it hurts people's feelings... that will usually get to a child since they don't like their feelings hurt...
ya, I've heard it's a stage that a lot of kids go through, to see what your reaction is. I'm sure it'll go away.
