What a mind fuck!!! - that pretty much sums it up. I've smoked salvia a couple times before, but never was it as intense as my experience about half an hour ago. I thought I'd freak out because reality was being flipped right on its head in front of my very eyes. There were a whole bunch of weird experiences that I couldn't remember for the life of me. The biggest weird-ass experience was that I felt like my family was there even though, in reality, I was the only one home. I felt as though I had just slipped into another reality. I even had to tell them that I didn't belong here. I have another life with Michelle (my wife). I had to explain to them that I smoked salvia and that's why I'm here. It was almost as though they expected me to stay, or wanted me to, and I had to tell them that somehow I needed to return to my original reality. I told them I needed to lie down on the couch. I remember having that feeling of being fucked. You know how you get when you're paranoid on pot and you feel as though somehow your fucked or your damned or something dreadful, and there's no way out. I felt as though if things didn't return to normal, my reality would be permanently fucked - at least, I think that's what I was worried about (it's so hard to remember, even though it was only half an hour ago. You experience things that you have no way of explaining or recalling). It was hard to identify things. Like the blanket on the sofa or my clothes. I felt I had to be able to identify the things around me, or I'd be fucked - as if to misidentify things would be a permanent fixture in my reality. It was also as if I had forgotten that this would last only a few minutes. Would I have been in such a panic if I kept this in mind at all times? It was a scary trip, but I wouldn't say it was a bad one. I kept a grip on myself. I just wasn't expecting it. It was a little more than I bargained for, but then again, I was open for anything - or so I told myself. I wonder if it would be as bad if I knew what to expect. I wonder if a guy could get used to this. I will try it again and see. Is there anyone out there who has much experience with salvia? What can you tell me about the longhaul lessons and experiences?
A strong salvia trip I had not long ago made me feel as though my wife was present- but I didn't see her, just felt she was there, weird. Also I had another voice in my head telling me I was crazy. It was a very uncomfortable experience for about 5 minutes but then started to come down. This is a very strange and powerful plant. What strength salvia did you take?
The strongest I could get: 20x. The first two times, I just took tiny pinches. This time I took a large pinch.
Smoked a mediocre amount this time. It made a lot more sense this time... well, comparitavely speaking. I had this incredibly strange sense that some other reality was opening up, or sort of intertwined with my regular one. Suddenly, a flood of memories rushed in from the last trip. I suddenly remembered all the weird things that freaked me out the last time. It literally felt - and I mean LITERALLY - like I was slipping into another life. I remember feeling like I was a little boy and I was at home with my parents. I'm still not sure if I was me and my parents were my actual parents, or these were completely different people. Anyway, I remember it was at that point when I started to freak, trying to shake it off and remember where I was, and who I was. I really DID NOT expect that. It was just tooooo weird. The current trip was mostly about reclaiming these memories. It wasn't bad at all. I felt like I got close enough to it to examine it and bring back some meaningful memories, yet kept enough distance to keep a firm grip on my "home" reality. I'm glad I understand it now. This might be something I could get used to. I wonder if I could be brave enough to venture into the "other life" and just live it for a short while.
I want to request that this thread be merged with my other one: http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=217737
There! I finally did it! I reached the same level as on Feb. 5th, and maybe beyond. It wasn't frightening at all... just a bit annoying. I definitely felt like I was back in my old house in Saskatoon. I could still see I was here in my real house in Calgary, but I got these really amazing impressions that it was my childhood home. In fact, I even noticed what seemed at the time to be amazing parallels. Now, when I think back to it, I see very few parallels and the ones I did see are rediculously weak. For example, I thought the space between the sofa and the love seat in my living room (the real one) was EXACTLY like the doorway between my old living room and old dining room in my childhood house. I felt like my mother was there in the room - sometimes she'd embody certain objects I'd look at like the couch or the walls. Everything I looked at seemed to eminate a sense of my childhood or hominess or, sometimes, my mother. There was a less intense sense of my father and other family members there, but there was definitely a multiplicity of people in the room, most of which felt like family. I had a constant feeling like I had to explain myself, like I was in trouble or something. It wasn't enough to incite panic or fear... just annoyance like I said. I felt like they (my family or my mother or whoever) kept wanting me to come into the living room, or becon me to follow them in any case. At one point, I wanted to go into the kitchen to get a glass of water and I told them "Look, I'm just going to get a glass of water, that's it. I promise I'll be right back." It was like they'd say "All right, young man, but you come straight back. No dilly-dallying." I also told them that whatever it was they wanted to tell me or show me or whatever, they had no more than 5 minutes max 'cause by then the salvia would have worn off. I remember I felt I had to tell them this 'cause it was a vital piece of information... like it would make a difference to what they had to tell me or show me or whatever. Another eerie thing... eerie when I think about it now... is that I could tell that everything they were telling me or making me feel came, at first, directly from my own thoughts. For example, when I went to get a glass of water, I remember thinking I was just going to get a drink and I'll come right back... that turned into THEM telling me to just go get a drink if that's really what I want to do, and to come straight back. All these thoughts took on a life of their own becoming someone else's thoughts/words, and for some reason they were always stern. What does it mean when my own thoughts turn into angry parents... is there something psychoanalytic here? That was fun and I definitely want to try it again. I filled both my pipe and my bong, each with a rather large pinch of 20x. Maybe I'll be daring and try two pinches in one and one pinch in the other next time.
With respect, I might suggest slowing up a bit. Let a couple of weeks go by without smoking. I love the stuff and was going twice a week, every 3 days, until circumstances prevented me from smoking it for two weeks. To say I discovered that my mental chemistry had been significantly disrupted is to put it mildly; although without quantification I cant speak authoritatively. With respect Id advise slowing up a little...be careful. Smoke less amounts, not more. Awareness of individual self as a "real" thing is an illusion, a mist which has its tenuous footholds in the cerebral cortex and hovers there shyly. With ego dissolution, a drug wind rises to temporarily strip this ghostly mist from the pure clanking unconscious machinery beneath, the product of evolutionary direction at the end of a long train of time. Most of the brain processes and redirects and coordinates input, and is no more "conscious" or "aware" then the hand at the end of your arm, and it serves the same clockwork mechanical function even though it is "alive". Salvia removes "you" from the mix leaving all the cogs of the machine freewheeling. Like pushing in the clutch on your car while holding the throttle down; it may do your car no good. What the freewheeling machinery does may or may not have a basis in who you are psychologically, only as an integral cooperative component do you take on a final useful worthwhile individual form. Dont read too much psychology into the experience; random associations of an unguided brain is as likely an explanation. Salvia is an escape to be best used in moderation like any drug. Any who claim "teaching spirits" are rationalizing the drug's use, or trying to understand the confusion of the experience in cultural or anthropomorphic ways. Trying to order chaos doesnt necessarily make chaos order.