Should I be worried about my thought process?

Well I don't think it's anything terrible, so I will just throw it out there. I think its all mental, basically I'm so afraid of doing bad in life and becomming de-motivated that anytime i see an image in my head or just a picture of my past because i used to be an idiot who didnt care about anything, i have to remind myself that it was past, and then i have to think about something more recent and remind myself that i have changed a lot. This happens frequently throughout the day. Also say someone is necessarily a really careless fuckup and I think of their name, or see them in person i have to look at someone who does good and cares and remind myself why i want to do good, or else i think it will effect me if i dont. But i know in the back of my head, and i constantly tell myself i dont need to do that but i do it anyway. If i see like the any number below 16 i have to look at the number 16 because thats mainly when i really started doing good. If i see a homeless, or someone who messed up their life i have to picture someone who did good. This one is the strangest in my opinion, almost delusional and paranoid is what i'm thinking. The sound of someone chewing their gum bothers me a lot, its liek a tense anxiety feeling, followed by a reoccuring thought that goes "No ones out there to get me, they just dont realize that it bothers me, or that they are doing it." Literally every time it happens, but sometimes whenever i really stay focused i can try and block it out. I have had ADD my whole life, as a child i had Ad/hd which is hyperactive included. I grew out of the hyperness, but i take meds for it. About 35 mgs everyday, i noticed its a lot harder to stay focused and be really dillegent when i'm not on it. I can still do my work without it, but i find that i get it done better on it. I also seem to think that recently i feel like i twitch in the company of others. I'm not twitching bad, but i feel like my head gets stiff and that when it moves randomly its a twitch, and that feeling builds up and makes me think that people can notice it to. Which i dont care about what peopel think, but it still makes me uncomfortable.

 

sounds like you have a surplus of mental energy. my question is: if you and that homeless guy are both going to die, how are you doing "better" than him?

 

by the way, the way you are focusing your mental energy is quite common. it is a seeking of balance through analysis. it will never end if you don't let it go. whether it's having to picture someone who did "well" when seeing someone who did "bad", or stepping on a crack with the middle part of your left foot after stepping on a crack with the middle part of your right foot, it is a part of your mind trying to control and balance the information it is receiving. the only way out is to breath deeply and let go, my friend. i say this, being someone who spent far too much of their life focusing on the same sort of process. the good news is that having this sort of "hang up" shows the potential of being a great philosophical thinker. i wish u the best of effort and luck.

 

Thank you for your responses! I don't mean I'm better then the homeless guy as a person. Successfully is where I was leading that towards.

 

Never measure success in material terms or any terms for that matter. What is success to you is total failure to another. That guy who apparently sleeps under the open sky might be a fairly cheerful and content individual. Crazier things has happened dude.

 

Pikey, I think your completely wrong.

 

Agruso, I think YOU'RE completely wrong. I fail to see how success can be anything but purely subjective. You sound kind of guilt-ridden, and I'd like to know what you mean when you say that you were "an idiot who didn't care about anything".

 

he's 16. of course he's guilt-ridden. he's just starting to form an objective viewpoint of himself, which is leading to the desire to change and gain power over his mind. it doesn't matter who you were in the past, man. so many people avoid looking at their own processes, because it scares the hell out of em'. you are moving in a beneficial direction, no matter how negative it may feel now. in time, your ideas about "success" and "meaning" in life may, and most likely will, change. no use arguing any points now-you will only end up looking back at yourself later, the way you are looking back at yourself now. take this time to ask yourself and those around you as many questions as you can come up with. this is a great time for learning, and it will not come again in this life.


i wish you the best of thoughts and luck

 

i'm a highly successful idiot who doesnt care about anything and i refuse to get a job or be any sort of typicaly productive member of societuy, but i guarantee im very happy being me...
so, if im penniless amnd happy, arnt i a total sucess since the only real measure of sucess is..are yuou happy in your life..\u dont seem happy you seem stressed..at 16..geez..lighten up..movge out of your homem, ...sleep on the streets.. survive anjd learn to be happy without all the terms and conditions..

 

well you're a mean poopy head.