I'll start by saying that I've been going through a lot of depression lately due to my severe social problems and the things they prevent me from doing. I used to think I would get over my problems, that I'd eventually find a girlfriend or whatever, but for the past year or so I've pretty much given up. I was feeling very sorry for myself and all that, but lately i've just been sick of everything. A lot of times theres not even any emotion attatched to it, I just feel like I'm pressing on and working my ass off to get through life for absolutely nothing. I've also been having extreme mood swings and occasionally some psychosis. I haven't ever seriously considered suicide but lately I have been of the mindset that I wouldn't mind if a car swerved off the road and smashed me into the pavement while i was on my way to class or something like that. I think this situation probably caused this disturbing dream but I can't say that with 100% certainty. I suppose it could be any number of things. Anyway. . . I had a dream last night that I was sitting at a table with two or three other people. I don't know who the others were or where I was - both seemed irrelevant. I don't remember if anything was happening beforehand, but as far as I can remember I had a gun in my hand as soon as the dream started. It seemed like the others were encouraging me, or at least completely aware of what I was about to do. I don't know if they were planning to follow suit or what. I pointed the gun at my throat and squeezed off three shots. I don't know why I did. There was no desire to do it that I was aware of, no conscious intention - it was just like it was scripted into the dream. But I was VERY aware, as soon as I had finished, that I wished I hadn't done it. I was still alive somehow. There was no pain but I could feel that my throat was torn up and had bullets lodged in it. I asked the others to take me to the hospital then woke up. This was one of those dreams where, for the first few minutes after you wake up, you can't figure out of the dream was just a dream or something that had actually happened. It felt very real despite the vague setting and characters. It's been on my mind all day. In fact, after smoking a bowl with my friend today I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette and had a MASSIVE panic attack. I've smoked a lot of marijuana in my day, and I've had a couple light to moderate panic attacks when I first started smoking and while tripping on DXM, but nothing like this. My heart was pounding so hard I was afraid my arteries were going to rupture. I started getting a strong indescribable feeling, a lot like a salvia trip. That feeling subsided quickly, though didn't go away entirely for the entire attack. I walked inside and paced around the room endlessly, thinking I was having a heart attack or some kind of organ failure and sure that I was dying. My whole body felt wrong in a way I couldn't begin to explain. All my muscles felt like I'd just exerted every ounce of power they had to offer. My chest hurt and felt extremely tight. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I'm starting to think I should get some help, yes?
gEo_tehaD_returns just sharing what came into my mind when I read your post. Try and see the healing potential shown by the dream instead of the drama, and don't be distracted by the fears. The bullets in your throat look like an energy blockade. To heal and solve the blockage, you might want to use meditation and the visualization of blue light. The throat chakra is about self expression. Make it a blessing ... Hope this makes sense.
I know a friend that had received and smoked some smoke that was laced with PCP and he developed panic attacks. (Your attack you had today sounds close to what my friend would get at random times) I would definately get some help for the panic attacks. (Therapy and meds, ugh, but they are supposed to help with the attacks) The dream however, sounds very disturbing. Best thing I can say is that, I don't know alot about dreams, but I have learned that they do mean something. Problem is that since you had the dream that it's something you need to figure out, but I will say that the dream from reading it sounds like that your mind is trying to tell you something. I'll try to look it over again and see if I can offer any more advice.
i don't know you or your background, but what you are describing are classic symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, i only know because i have it from experiences i had in iraq. have you ever talked to a therapist about this possibility? an event doesn 't even have to be overly terrifying to trigger it, my brother suffered post traumatic stress after simply being arrested
