Hey guys, I am new to this whole forum thing, and yes my name is ..umm kinda lame but i couldnt think of anything lol. Anyways i was just wondering if any of you lovely girls out there could help me with an ongoing problem i am having. I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years and in the begining we messed around a lot. She was very curious apparently and open to almost anything except sex. But that didnt last long and we finally became each others firsts. lol. My problem however is that we have a somewhat long distance relationship. By somewhat i mean like 2 hours, which isnt a big deal but we dont see each other that much because of work and school. Recently i have noticed that she doesnt seem into sex...or anything related to it. I cant even get her to mess around with me I am not a sex addict and i dont push her on alot of things, but it seems she has lost interest in such things. I try to see her every two weeks, and i am usually the one to drive up to her. She works alot, and studies alot, so when i come to see her i get horny when i see her, however she doesnt feel the same way. I take showers with her, try to cuddle as much as i can and i even pull out the whole "Ill give you a full body message (which hasnt worked yet). I have tried almost everything i can think of to get her turned on. We have sex maybe once a month, and since we started i cant think of the last time we have really messed around. I have asked her on many occasions whether she is still into me and if i turn her on. She always replies " Of course sweetheart i guess im just not as horny as you". Dont get my wrong sex isnt everything in a relationship but i am feeling realy frustrated with her, and everytime i bring it up i feel bad. I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on what i could do or maybe their expience with a relationship like this. Thanks
Maybe she isn't as horny as you? maybe she enjoys sex with you but doesnt need it as often... not great advice but hey i thought you deserved at least one reply
are either of you in to drugs? i know in the past when i have smoked weed it totally kills my lobido & i dont just mean for just the time i have been smoking it but for a week or more. i have stopped smoking as much now & only smoke weed in the first two days of my AF because my fiance was getting really frustrated with me not wanting sex at all.
What jumped at me was the fact that you always have to drive up to her, and not the opposite. It seems like your relationship is not completely mutual. And the only way to do that, is if she's willing to initiate. I would begin by telling her exactly what you told us here. Communicate to her that you're dissatisfied, both with the level of affection you're getting and the fact that she seems indifferent towards you. Who calls? Has she done nice things for you? Who asks more about the other person's life?
I think you talk to her seriously about this. You should hear her reasons first or you must consider things. You said she works and studies a lot, so she may be just stressed out. I really suggest that you open up your feelings about this to her. ______________________ conversation skills Free Report reveals secrets to making great conversation. Get it here: http://www-conversation.com/ communication skills Free Report reveals communication skills secrets that work like magic. Get it here: http://www-communicationskills.com/
First off thanks for the responses guys The thing is I have told her about this alot and i am feeling like i want to relatiate the next time she tries to initiate physical interaction. by relatiate i mean telling her i am not interested, when i really do want some. However i know this is not the right answer to this problem, its just how i feel u know? I have a very deep and trusting relationship with he and she usually calls me to talk about what happened to her during the day. I listen to her and care alot about what she has to say. Its just when it comes to sexual desires there seems to ba a lack of interest on her part. Now i didnt mention that it is easier for me to come and see her because i dont have a job and she does. But i feel like she could take one day off and come see me right? We got into a big arument over how she sees me and feels frustrated with me because i am not as motivated to get a job and work hard. I do want to get a job, i am just picky when it comes to where i want to work. I think it may just be a matter of her frustration towards me not applying myself like i should be. I work somewhat hard in college, but i tend to not do my work when i need to. I have a hard time concentrating, and because of that i get B's and high C's with a few A's. Anyways, She is coming down this weekend and i dont know what to do Because ii told her how i feel, and she understand s(I hope) that i am sexually frustrated. A part of me says to guard myself if she attempts to engage me because i told her i was sexually frustrated. So now she may want to make it up, but i dont want it to be because i said something. I want her to do it because she wants to not because i said something to her about it. I dont want to be that needy boyfriend so i never ask for it, but i throw down hints alot. and try to get her in the mood. usually she just says " i dont want this to lead to anything more" (see we dont have sex alot and when we do it is usually during her period, eh.) We are trying to play it safe. I think i would feel guilty if she wanted to mess around this weekend. Ahhh i am so confused............ Thinking about it now she told me that she doent like oral and since we started having sex she like my penis better than my fingers. I didnt get to see her today on valentines day So this weekend i want it to be really romantic, im just afriad of her thinking i want to get some from her. I am thinking about buying her a dildo, but i am kinda scared to. I dont know why i guess i dont want to seem like a sex nympho. I love her to death...damn dick thinking for me. Oh sorry we dont do drugs to address that question earlier. Well thanks for at least responding to my thoughts here. It help me put them in order and think about it more when i write this stuff down.
You say you love her to death...Does she? This is not a rhetorical question, I'm asking what is your gut feeling. Do you feel emotionally dependent on her?
Some people simply have a lower libido than others. I guess the question is, can you live with only getting it sometimes, not as often as you want, not even close to as often as you want? See, I can't deal with someone who isn't on a similar wavelength to me sexually speaking. Sex/romance/eros/sensuality is what separates an amazing friend from a partner to me. Without that level of connection as well as the friendship... it's not a romantic relationship.
My thought would be that she isn't all that into you as a long term companion. Could be wrong but that is what I get out of what you wrote.
To be fair I have had to same problem with my gf since we started going out. We weren't in an LDR (though we are now as of this morning :'( ) she has never had the same sex drive as me. I would try anything to get her in the mood and mostly it wouldnt work, occasionally might, but mostly not. There have been times when we have gone a whole month without any sexual activity. The norm was about once a week. Now I dont know about you but at the time that wasnt enough for me. I get what youre saying about feeling bad, because I didnt want her to just do it because I'd said something, and I felt bad because it seemed like that was all I wanted off her. Which it wasnt, but i just wanted a little more lol! At the end of the day, if you see yourselves getting married and having kids etc etc you have to decide how big an issue it is. Can you REALLY live with it once a fortnight? If yes, then deal with it. If no, then finish it in case you are giving her false hope of a future together. If you dont see yourselves settling down etc then just let the relationship just run its path. There are so many more things to a relationship to be happy about, just enjoy them while they last because it aint forever. Me and my girl have just started an LDR because I'm going travelling for almost 4 months. Not a long time compared to some? Long enough to make me realise she's the only one for me, and despite not getting sex all the time or as often as I'd like, its a sacrifice I'm willing to make just to be with her. Thats what you've got to think. Could you go for 4 months without sex for your girlfriend? If the answer is yes, then hallelujah! Stop complaining lol! If the answer is no, then you will have to really think about where you're relationship is headed and are you really completely happy in the relationship? If everything else is perfect, and its just the sex can you really live with getting every thing else, just not that? Is it worth ending it over, I suppose is what I'm getting at here? Anyways good luck, tell her how you feel and see how it goes. You just have to understand some girls are not really that intested in all things sexual as they get more satisfaction out of a cuddle and a kiss. So if she really isnt feeling it, dont push her because it could end your relationship.
Some people have a lower libido. But also, some people develop a lower libido for their partner if the relationship (especially the communication part) isn't mutually satifying. That would be my guess judging from the thread-starter's words.
