So here's my problem. My boyfriend rarely can get off from me giving him handjobs (and most recently, head). He's gotten off maybe 3 or 4 times and those times took forever. He says he can finish on his own, which makes me think it's all in his head. We've been together for about a year, I'm his first girlfriend (we've been friends for years now, we're very close), we're both virgins. He gets really close and then loses his erection. We're both getting pretty frustrated with this. We tried last night, since he started taking ginseng, I went down on him, he loved it, but still no orgasm. He feels bad and REALLY wants to cum, says I'm doing everything right, hitting all the right spots and I feel bad because I want to make him feel good, of course. Help?
I think you're right. It's all in his head. The good news is, he's lucky to have someone like you who's willing to help him out. The bad news is, he knows that you're doing your very best and every time it fails, not only does he feel frustrated with himself, he also feels guilty because he feels he's letting you down. Which means that the next time you guys try, those feelings of frustration and guilt will haunt him and keep him from totally enjoying himself because he'll be too scared of failing again. Which sets him up for failure - again. It's a vicious cycle which is hard to break. I'm guessing this is the case because I have a similar problem. It used to really frustrate me, and I'm lucky I have someone who loves me and has always been patient with me. Because I suffered from impotence. As in, I couldn't even get it up to put it in her. And when I did manage to get it inside, I couldn't do it for long before losing my erection. It was so frustrating. Anyway, I decided not to treat it as a problem and focused on pleasuring my partner. I found that when I focused on her, I tended to forget myself and enjoyed more. Of course there are still instances when I haven't orgasmed and she's already done it twice and is exhausted, and I'm so tired I lose my erection. But even then, it no longer bothers me that much. I just accept it and figure there's always next time. Overall, I'm no longer impotent, although I still haven't managed to come from either her hands or mouth. Which isn't so bad since I prefer her vagina anyway. Back to your boyfriend. Like I said, he's lucky to have you. I've been with less understanding partners and it only added to the trauma of not being able to have sex. He's fortunate not to have experienced that. You're doing the right thing by being supportive and helpful. It just takes time. He will need to learn to deal with his mind.
Musikero -you are a little young for viagra or cialis, but try it. It mimics the nitric oxide which is normally flashed from your brain to your penis and causes and keeps erections going after you are aroused.
Thanks, although I am capable of sexual intercourse now; it's just a matter of pacing myself because I don't have a lot of stamina. Generally speaking, if I've had a good night's sleep the night before and I'm not dead tired from working, I'm good. It's just the blowjobs/handjobs that don't get me off. I don't know, maybe it's because her hands and mouth don't feel as good as her vagina. Also, I really enjoy making her feel good at the same time I do so I'd much rather put it in her pussy so we both feel good.
I'd suggest a good talk. Something is troublesome to one or the other. Maybe religious? self-fears? lack of genuine privacy? lack of knowledge? Allow him to masturbate in front of you (you can tickle his various fancies) and see how things go. Slowly get into working with him. Don't expect fireworks when you're first starting. Can he hold an erection when he's alone? Then in the right atmosphere he can hold one with you. Basically, you have to build his confidence. After a while, I'd suggest he get into it with your pussy. Nothing builds a man's confidence (as well as desire) as a good dose of the smell, taste, and warmth of a woman's magnificence!!!!
Gemini Dreams - you are both virgins and just starting out on your sexual adventures, and getting to know each other and your bodies. He has performance anxiety, which should lessen as you become more familiar with each other. He is experiencing something new, and learning to control his emotions and sexual instinct and making them work for him. The man is supposed to take charge sexually, and he is not yet ready for it. It is like learning to drive - at first you are very hesitant, later on it become second nature. You really make love with your brain and not your genitals - they are just the delivery mechanisms.
Also, ask him how things feel. Communication is important. Ask him what he likes and if he likes what you are doing. You can also talk while you're doing it; you can say little dirty things that you may think he would like. You can also try touching his nipples which may help him get more into the mood. let us know how it goes
